Desolation
“Hi.” I smile.
“How’re you doing?”
I shrug. “Okay. You?”
He shifts, and I see pain flash over his face. He’s hurting. I reach for him and my eyes grow concerned. “Are you in pain?”
He nods. “Yeah. I tried to run last night . . . it wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made.”
“You tried to run?” I gasp.
“Liam was making a run for it. I had no choice.”
My eyes mist over and I whisper, “You ran for me?”
He cups my cheek. “I’d do anything for you.”
“What can I do for you? Is there anything that helps the pain?”
He nods. “Pain killers, a hot bath and a seriously good rub. Most of my issues are with poor muscle condition. When I had my accident, I broke a fucking lot of bones. I damaged important nerves and ligaments. I was in a wheelchair for a long time while that healed, and because I was stubborn and refused to get the proper care, my muscles deteriorated, and because I didn’t strengthen them the way I should have, they remain weak.”
“How come you didn’t want to help yourself?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Pride, fury, shame—I honestly don’t know. I was in a bad place when the accident happened and I didn’t take it well. I spent time in a chair, and they said there was a chance I’d never walk properly again. Instead of fighting, I accepted that and stopped trying.”
“And now?”
He looks me in the eyes. “Believe it or not, you changed my mind.”
“Me?” I gasp.
He nods. “When I met you, when we saved you, I was useless. I could do nothing more than drive. When I first saw you and the life you had been given, it snapped something in my brain. I was being selfish. I had a chance to fix myself and I wasn’t taking it.”
I give him a shaky smile. “I’m glad you’re changing; you deserve it.”
“I want to ride again,” he says wistfully. “I need to get on my bike and feel like a part of my club again.”
“Those guys adore you.”
“Yeah,” he mutters. “But I can’t go on the big missions. Maddox doesn’t say it, but I’m a risk for him. He constantly has to watch out for me. I need the club, and it’s time for me to get back into it.”
“I notice you’re not spending as much time in your chair. Is it getting better?”
He nods his head. “I think so, but it’s fuckin’ killing me. My doc tells me the more I walk, the easier it’ll get. I have to strengthen my muscles.”
“Swimming? Would that help?”
He grins. “Yeah, baby, except I hate swimming.”
I frown. “Why? Swimming is amazing.”
“Maybe . . . it just . . . bores me.”
“Well,” I say, sliding out of the bed, “if you want company, I’ll come swimming with you.”
He says nothing, and when I look back at him, he’s smiling. I grin at him and then pull on a robe. His phone rings and he rolls, lifting it off the bedside table. I get busy picking up his boots, his cut and his jeans, placing them on the bed for him. He answers and I pretend I’m not listening.
“Hey babe,” he says.
Babe.
He calls her babe, but he calls me baby. Does that mean anything? I don’t know. I hope so.
“Yeah, I’m just spending time with Pip today.”
My heart swells. He’s spending the day with me.
“She needs me, Andi. Don’t give me shit about this.”
I throw a quick glance at him and see his jaw is tight.
“No,” he grunts. “And if you’re going to act like this, maybe I’ll reconsider.”
He sighs.
“Yeah, fuck, you know I do.”
He does what? Love her? Want to be with her? My heart aches to know.
“Okay honey, later.”
Honey.
He doesn’t call me honey.
My heart drops.
I turn to him, acting as normal as possible. “Maddox and Santana have an awesome bath . . . you want to use it?”
He nods. “Yeah, fuck yeah, just to piss Maddox off.”
I giggle softly. “I’ll run it.”
I walk out into the hall and run right into Maddox. His hands shoot up to my shoulders and gently push me back. His beautiful eyes scan over me, and I flush when I realize he’s only in his boxers.
“Ah, sorry, Maddox.”
He chuckles. “No problem, honey. How’re you feelin’?”
“I’m okay.”
He stares behind him, and then leans down. “You serious about that? Because what happened last night was fucked up, and you don’t have to feel good about it.”
I swallow and look up at him. “It wasn’t nice, but Maddox . . . I’ve had so much worse.”
His eyes flare. “If some fucker raped you, I’ll find them and fuckin’ gut them.”
I smile; I can’t help it. I love his passion. It’s not a wonder Maddox runs his club with such ease. He might be sweet to the girls in his life, but I’ve seen him in action. He can be terrifying when he wants to be.
“No, nothing like that. I just . . . I’ve had heartache.”
He reaches out and cups my jaw. “You ever wanna tell me about that, you can. You know that right?”
I nod. “I know, Maddox.”
“You don’t have to suffer alone.”