Destroyed

My eyes flew wide. “Don’t call me that. I’m not your prey. I’m your f**king equal and—” I didn’t know what else to say. My shoulders rolled and I muttered, “Even if I did want—” I slashed a hand across my face, so heavy and tired. “You destroyed me, Fox, and now I want you to let me go.”

How could love be so wrong?

How could it all be for nothing?

Raising my head again, I shut myself down. I needed to get away from him so I could go back to mourning Clara. “Leave me alone, please. I don’t want to discuss this. Today isn’t about us. It’s about Clara. And you have no respect to her memory by making me fight with you.”

Fox bared his teeth; his hands clamped harder on my shoulders. I shivered as another wave of tension and rain of energy lit me up from the inside out.

“Respect? You don’t think I have respect? I have so much f**king respect for you it scares me. You have a power over me that you don’t even know. And today is a perfect day to clear the air because Clara didn’t want us fighting. She wanted us to be happy.”

“Don’t you dare use Clara against me!” Furious tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn’t believe his nerve.

He shook his head. His thumbs rubbed my shoulders; every sweep was like a tiny bomb restarting my heart, reminding me what he had was unique and way too special to destroy.

Fox pressed his face against mine, giving me no choice but to see the soul deep pain inside him. “I’ll never be able to tell you how much I loved your daughter and how much she cured me. I’ll never be able to show the depth of my hatred for myself for leaving you when you needed me most. I’ll never have the words to beg for your forgiveness and be worthy. But I need you, Hazel. I thought I could walk away and let you go, but I can’t. I need you too damn much. You make me feel alive. You make my f**king heart beat for the first time, and I’m not going to give that up.

“No matter how you fight me, I will never stop. Every day, I’ll try again and again. Every hour, I’ll touch you, just to prove I’m willing to be everything you need and deserve. You’ll never be free of me because I can’t live another day without you in my f**king life.”

I wanted.

I desired.

I wanted to buckle and let him sweep me away.

He’ll kill your unborn baby. He ran when Clara died. You can’t do this.

My entire body vibrated; I couldn’t control myself. Snarling, I hissed, “You used us. You bought me, and you fell for Clara, but it was all to fix you. It was all about you. Fucking you. You, you, you.

“All your talk of never letting me go because you can’t live without me. All your promises that you can be worthy. It’s all still about you!

“What about me and Clara—what we needed? I gave you everything, including my daughter, and what has it done for me?”

I tore out of his grip and shoved a finger in his face. “I’ll tell you what it’s done for me. It’s shown me I’m better off on my own. You have no choice in the matter. I won’t allow you to touch me or chase me or hope for a second chance. It’s over!”

The image of the little boy swamped me again. I knew in my bones I carried a son. His son. The son I would raise on my own. The son he wouldn’t know about as he was too volatile, too f**ked-up to trust.

“You’re not safe. I’m not going to put myself in harm’s way anymore. I’m done, Fox. You need to forget about me.”

I hated every word. Half of me believed them, the other half wanted to wash my mouth out. I spun lies just like my past, mixing with truth until I didn’t know what I wanted anymore.

“Don’t fight, mummy. I don’t want you to be sad.”

I almost folded in two as my heart tore itself into pieces.

“Fuck, Hazel.” Fox sucked in an unsteady breath, dragging shaky hands through his hair. “Please. Let me show you. I’ve changed. Let me tell you where I went. I’ll never hurt you again. Just please—don’t walk away and make me lose you, too. I won’t f**king survive it. And I’ve survived too much to let you give up on me. I won’t f**king let you!”

My heart wanted to believe him. I wished I could forgive and trust him, but I was empty. He’d used up all my reserves. The fight had drained me. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and cry myself to sleep. There was nothing left. I couldn’t fall back into old patterns and keep hoping he was safe. I didn’t want to live in fear of touching him or never ha**ng s*x without bondage.

I’m pregnant.

I had to think of the fragile life inside me, not just his needs and my own. I had to be strong.

Straightening my back, I said, “You don’t have the choice. You lost me the moment you left.”

Swallowing hard, I looked at him, committing him to memory. He looked like he’d been to war and not come back. With bronze hair and a body scarred with tales, he’d proven too broken to fix. I could’ve spent an entire lifetime trying to piece him back together and never figured out the complete picture.

Boundless grief squeezed me.

“Stop fighting. Forgive him.”

Fox lost the element of fighter, letting me see the truth for the first time. Beneath the scar and anger he was terrified, lost, and all alone. My heart broke all over again.

“Zel. Please. Tell me how I can fix this.”

I couldn’t do this anymore. He was like a black-hole sucking all my energy until I swayed in the wind.

God, Clara. I miss you so much. I need you here. I need you to repair the mess I’ve made.

“Fix it? How can you fix it? Are you a necromancer and can bring back my daughter? Can you heal my broken heart? Can you stop this awful eclipse inside me?”

He hung his head, gritting his teeth. His muscular arms wrapped around himself, holding tight.

My fingers twitched to reach for him, to wipe away the lone tear that trickled down his face. He looked so broken. Throbbing with agony, living with the twin of my pain. We were two halves of a shattered circle. Microscopic pieces that couldn’t survive without the other. And I wouldn’t survive if I gave into him. Fate had screwed us over.

It was time to end this once and for all.

With shaky hands, I pushed aside my long hair and unclasped the necklace from around my throat. Clara’s star sat above my own, clinking together ever since the hospital gave me back her belongings.