Destroyed

I stayed strong to accept the incredible gift Roan had given me.

“I hear her, too.” I moved forward, tracing a finger over a beautiful sun-drenched photo of Clara picking daisies. “I think I’ll always hear her.”

I couldn’t believe the scarred man before me was the same fighter who’d bought me for sex. He’d changed so much—yet still seemed the same.

I needed him. I needed to show him how grateful I was. How much he gave me. “Take me back to the bedroom,” I whispered.

Roan’s eyes widened. “We don’t have—”

I shook my head. “I want to.” The grief suddenly receded, leaving me blessedly light. Standing in the room surrounded by Clara, I found the strength to put aside my tears and celebrate what I’d gained rather than what I lost.

You need to tell him.

I needed to make it official and stop hiding from the future hurtling toward me. I needed to tell him about his son.

Roan’s shoulders bunched and he came slowly toward me. His lips thinned. “I want you, Zel. God knows how much I f**king want you.” He dropped his eyes, glaring at his fists. “But I’m still struggling inside. I want to be gentle. To hold you and make love to you. But…I won’t be able to and I don’t want to take you violently. Not today.”

My heart raced. I didn’t reply. What could I say? I accepted that and still wanted him. I wasn’t asking to be held while I cried and be rocked to sleep. I was asking to forget—for a short while.

Clara’s memory would still be there to mourn once I’d thanked Roan with all my heart.

“I understand. I need what you can give me. I need to be reminded of how to fight. I’m sick of tears.” Giving him one last look, I moved toward the door.

I didn’t wait for him to follow. Pacing down the corridor, I entered the white bedroom, already prickling with heat and regret. Could I celebrate life and accept everything the new pregnancy would offer? Could I put aside my grief for just a moment to spend time with my future, rather than my past?

My eyes fell on the fluffy, perfectly crafted sheep resting by the large windows.

Clara’s sheep.

Sunlight struck the bronze, dancing like tarnished rainbows onto the white carpet.

“Don’t be sad, mummy. I don’t want you to be sad.”

My heart died all over again but this time, it restarted with a slight thread of hope. Hope that I could survive and wouldn’t buckle beneath the loss.

Arms banded around me from behind. Roan’s hot breath caressed my neck as he nuzzled my ear. “I’ll stop. Just say the word and I’ll leave.”

I arched my back into him. “Take me. Make me come back to life.”

Roan groaned, picking me up and carrying me toward the bed. “I’ll never stop kissing you or loving you. I’ll never stop working hard to f**king deserve you.”

Settling me on the mattress, his body collapsed on mine. His knee forced my legs apart as he rested his fully-clad body against me. The bathrobe fell apart and his hand landed on my side, sending electric fire darting all over.

I’d never get used to the ferocious tingles or sharp connection when we touched.

“You’ll never be alone again, Zel. I’m all f**king yours.” His mouth captured mine. His smoky scent intoxicated me and every taste bud came alive as his sinful tongue entered my mouth. He stole every thought. Every tear. He made me focus on one thing only.

Him.

Passion unfurled in my stomach, heating me, thrilling me. I let myself be selfish and only focused on that moment. Not the future. Not the past. Not anything but the slickness of Roan’s tongue and the hard heat of him between my legs.

He angled his head, his lips sliding against mine. His tongue licked mine in a possessive dance echoing in my core.

My fingers itched to tug his hair, scratch his back. Something feral unlocked inside me and I craved connection. Craved a fight. I wanted to know I was still strong enough despite what had happened.

Roan’s hand cupped my throat, pinning me to the mattress. My eyes flew open as he stopped kissing me. “Say it. Say you’re mine.”

My heart exploded at the icy intensity in his silver eyes. I swallowed as his fingers tightened. Instead of fearing him, I accepted it. I willingly gave myself into his power. After everything he’d done for me, he shouldn’t need confirmation. It was obvious.

“I’m yours. Through and through.”

I’m having your child.

His nostrils flared and he moved suddenly, climbing off the bed. The residual heat of his fingers around my neck sparked with erotic torture.

Grey-white eyes locked with mine as he tore off his t-shirt and stood, letting me feast on his skin. Clara’s silver star rested in the hollow of his throat and the spasm to my heart crippled me. I forced myself to stop looking and my eyebrows drew together, noticing the new scars mingling with old. Silver and red, along with purple and blue bruises.

Sitting upright, I traced the two large squares of gauze stuck to his side. “You’re hurt.” I looked up, asking silently what happened. Small pinpricks of blood had seeped through the bandage.

He shook his head. “Later. If you want to know, I’ll tell you.” His hands fell to his buckle and I swallowed hard. “But right now, I’m going to take you. I need to know you’re mine. So I can give you everything that I f**king am.”

My pu**y clenched at the raw need in his voice. I couldn’t look away.

His stomach rippled, muscles dancing beneath ruined skin as he undid the button and pulled down the zipper. He let the material whisper down his legs before kicking them away. He stood proud and naked. So different to when I first met him.

My mouth watered to lick every inch. To taste him. To drink him in forever.

His hands twitched by his sides. “Take your bra off.” His voice was dark, husky, heavily accented—the Russian dialect he tried so hard to hide coming through.

Sitting up, I pulled the dressing gown off and unhooked my bra. It came away; I let the cups fall to the bed.

Roan’s eyes fell to my chest, licking his lips. He groaned and cupped himself. His c**k jerked in his touch as he stroked sensitive flesh. “You’re the only woman my c**k reacts to. All my life, I’ve been alone. I was taught to hate sex. That it would fog my brain—ruin my focus for their missions. But now I look at you and I’m glad. I’m glad my c**k only reacts to you. Because it means I f**king own you and you own me in return.”