Destroyed

Touching her cheek, I waited for the onslaught of conditioning. I was prepared for the pain and orders, but instead of being excruciating, it only pulsed and throbbed.

It’s bearable.

My eyes widened. Was that the key? To push myself to the end of my endurance—constantly pressing through the pain until my brain either adapted or snapped?

“Why are you doing this?” Zel whispered, so Clara wouldn’t hear. “Why do you care? You hurt me again, Fox. You have to understand how difficult this is for me. I never wanted you to meet her.”

The flash of rage and agony caught me by surprise. “You think I don’t care? That I’m just a monster who’s only goal is to hurt you?” I hated that her assessment of me was so low. What the f**k?

“No. I know you’re not. I know you’re trying your hardest, but it isn’t good enough. You can’t expect me to put my child in danger just because you suddenly want a kid in your life.”

Pressing forward, I hissed, “I don’t want a kid in my life. I’ve spent my entire life avoiding them. I didn’t ask you to bring her here. I can’t change what happened just as much as you. No one could’ve predicted the way I’d react, so why don’t you stop fighting it and f**king trust me.” My eyes flew to Clara who was oblivious to our discussion, stroking a racoon statue.

Zel’s nostrils flared, and we glared for a tense moment. She was the one to finally back down. Her eyes dropped. “I’m not comfortable with this, Fox. I know it was my fault you snapped today, but it wasn’t my fault before that, or when you stole me at knifepoint. Don’t think things are good between us, because they aren’t.”

Stalking away, she stole my chance at rebuttal.

I knew without a doubt if I let her walk out the door today, I’d never see her or Clara again.

That just isn’t an option.

I needed another bribe—another contract to keep Zel bound to me—to give myself time to fix what I ruined between us and most importantly fix myself.

Swallowing my temper, I said loudly, “You don’t have to pick, Clara. They’re all yours. And you don’t have to worry about storage either because you can keep them here. You and your mother are more than welcome to stay with me for as long as you want. In fact, I’d love you to move in tonight.”

Clara squealed and charged toward me.

Fear hot and fierce shot through my body as her little arms wrapped around my legs and squeezed. Holy f**k. Don’t lose it. Don’t. The world swam. Infernos blazed. Blood scraped my veins with tiny daggers.

“Kill her.”

“Bleed her.”

“Do it, Operative Fox.”

Zel grabbed Clara and tore her off me, backing away quickly. “Don’t touch him, Clara. Ever.”

Even though my entire body felt as if I’d been whipped and mutilated after the heavy crush of orders, I was lighter that I’d ever been. I was positively buoyant because I’d held on.

A child had hugged me, and I hadn’t broken. She was still alive, and I’d proven to myself I could find freedom.

It was the best f**king feeling in the world.

Clara tried to free herself from Zel’s grip. Her little face shone. “You mean it? I can sleep over? And you’ll make me a sheep?”

Before I could answer, she threw herself at Zel, almost tackling her to the ground. “Can we, mummy? Please. Please. With a cherry on top?”

Zel smiled, brushing some unruly flyaway strands from Clara’s forehead. “How about you let the adults talk? I think I spy a polar bear down the corridor. Just don’t go too far.”

“Oh really? I want to pet it.” Clara took off in a whirl of purple, sprinting out of hearing distance.

Zel slowly stood upright, and I fought the urge to take a step back. Her eyes blazed with green fire. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

She was so f**king strong. So fierce in protecting her offspring. My heart swelled to ten times its normal size, suffocating in my chest. It’d only been a couple of weeks, but I would always be indebted to this woman for bringing me back to life. And because I owed her my life, I could never let her leave.

“I’m honouring our agreement.”

“What f**king agreement? I don’t remember signing away mine and my daughter’s life to come live in your freaky-ass home. You can’t say things like that in front of a child. Now she’ll be broken-hearted and disappointed and she’ll hate me when I take her home tonight.” She stormed forward. “Because that’s what will happen, Fox. We. Aren’t. Staying.”

I balled my hands. “I’m not asking you to marry me for f**k’s sake or even stay forever. If you never want me to come near you again, I won’t.

“All I want is the right to take care of you. Give me a purpose. Let me provide for you, and be there for you. That’s all I’m asking.”

Zel’s bottom lip wobbled, but her face darkened from angry to livid. “You think I can’t take care of her on my own? You think you’re strong enough to swoop in and fix everything?” She dragged hands through her hair, barely holding onto the tears shimmering in her eyes. “What part of ‘I don’t want you near her’ didn’t you understand?”

I advanced, forcing her to take a step back. “I understand perfectly. You’re a f**king hypocrite. One minute you’re here for me. Healing me. Giving me everything you have even when all I do is take, and the next you want to withhold everything from me and paint me as the devil. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you forgive me. You’re a f**king saint to even speak to me after the things I’ve done. But I warned you at the beginning that I sense things people try to hide.”

Grabbing her elbow, I held her tight. “Let me tell you what I’ve come to know. You’re drowning in sorrow. You look at that little girl as if she’s the most precious diamond in the world, and you’re terrified of losing her. And that cough? You reacted as if she could die instead of it being a simple affliction. I think there’s something big you aren’t telling me and I want to know.”

“Let go of me, you bastard. You think you’re so clever, but you don’t know anything. You don’t know what it’s like to be a single parent. To be solely a mother and no longer a person who can chase their hopes and dreams. You didn’t have your life turned upside down by an accident only to have that accident be the best f**king thing to ever happen to you.”