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Dirty Bastard



I’m totally stealin’ her panties.

She wakes up eventually, and after a quick round of morning sex, she heads for the shower. I hide her panties away before I join her, and then we get dressed for breakfast. Lexi’s not a morning person, and clearly grumpy but I don’t mind. Even her grumpiness is cute. We didn’t find any paranormal shit, but I don’t think either of us minded much. I know I didn’t. The living—specifically her—are far more interesting than any ghosts.

We grab a couple of cups of coffee downstairs in the cafe and sit for breakfast. Lexi perks up a bit after the coffee, even though it’s decaf because of the baby, but she’s still awfully quiet, even after the food comes and we start to eat. I hope it ain’t regret that’s makin’ her silent. I snag one of the coasters at our table, just to see if she’s payin’ attention. She flicks my hand with her finger—yup, she noticed—but she’s still silent and thoughtful. I ain’t sure what to make of that.

“Somethin’ wrong?”

Lexi stifles a yawn and then shakes her head. “Lot on my mind.”

I notice she’s demolished everything on her plate. She eats like a champ, my Lexi. “Like the baby?”

Her expression grows even more thoughtful. “Am I a bad person if I admit I wasn’t thinking about the baby at all?”

“Naw. It’s still pretty new for both of us, I imagine.” Though I’m already obsessed at the thought of a baby with her dark hair and smile. Wonder if it’s too soon for me to ask when the next doctor’s appointment is, so I can come along and soak up information about our baby. Course, that’s if she lets me. Lexi’s the type to run if she feels pressured. I gotta play it slow. “So what’s next?”

“What do you mean?” She looks mournfully at her empty orange juice glass.

I give a casual shrug, even though I’m not feelin’ casual. I’m feelin’ tense and possessive. Is she gonna run off on me again and ghost me for another two months? Or are we finally gonna get somewhere? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I want her to have my name. I want our baby to be ours, not just hers. “I mean you and me. What’s next for us?”

Lexi appears to consider that for a moment, and then gestures with her hand. “Give me your phone.” When I give it to her, she begins to type. “I’m going to put my phone number in here and I’ll add yours to mine. You can text me.” She looks over it at me and her mouth quirks. “I realize it’ll be a struggle, but try for my sake.”

“I’ll do my best,” I tease back. “Unless this is a subtle request for dick pics.”

“Oh, Knox,” she purrs. “You know I’m terrible with subtle.”

I laugh, because she ain’t wrong. I’m disappointed that all I’m gettin’ is her number, but it’s something. “So that’s all we’re doin’, then? Exchangin’ phone numbers?”

She licks her lips and considers for a moment, and her expression seems a little tense. Troubled. “I need a few days to think.”

“About me?”

“Actually, about me.” Her smile is brilliant. “You’re the easy part to figure out in all this. I know what you want. I’m just not sure what I want.”

“Can I help?” I nudge my half-drunk orange juice toward her. “I’m good at convincing, if that’s what you need.”

“More like I just need to figure out which path is best for me and the parasite.” Her gaze connects with mine. “But I’ll include you, either way. This is not me telling you no or running away, Knox. This is me saying I might be running around this weekend and I want to hear from you, so please text me instead of dropping by.”

“I can do that.” I ain’t got much choice in the matter, but I know one thing for sure: I’m not giving up on her.

CLAY: Hey bro, u around?

KNOX: call me

CLAY: Where are you at? Gage said E Texas? Why??

KNOX: call me

KNOX: call me

CLAY: Hit me back, in a mtg.

CLAY: A mtg you should be in btw.

KNOX: Goddamn it

KNOX: Why doesn’t anyone call anymore? Why is everyone obsessed with texting?

CLAY: Cuz you can do it in a mtg? Not my fault u got meaty fingers.

KNOX: Fuck u

KNOX: If you’re not gonna call me just tell me what you want already. I’m trying to keep the line open.

CLAY: Bro did you fall out of the stone age? You can get a call when you’re texting.

CLAY: Anyhow Boone wanted to know if you want to go on the next rig run with him. He’s dowsing on Tues at a new location. I’m taking Nat to a tile warehouse in Houston so it’s either you or Gage playing sidekick. You know he needs someone to keep the suits busy while he does his thing.

CLAY: And just between me and you I’d rather it be you than Gage.

CLAY: I don’t trust Gage to show up sober.

KNOX: I might be busy.

CLAY: Oh? With who?

KNOX: Not necessarily a who

KNOX: Damn it why can’t you just call me already

CLAY: Well now I’m just gonna text you all the time

CLAY: This is payback for putting ketchup in my beer all the damn time

GAGE: I’ll go with Boone.

GAGE: You go do your lil darth yoga chick.

GAGE: Did you swap all the beer in my fridge with fuckin root beer?

GAGE: I’m going to murder you when you get back.

GAGE: Where are you?

GAGE: Scratch that, I’m raiding your trailer.

KNOX: Why do you mf’ers never call a man

KNOX: You just text all day. It’s annoying.

GAGE: Kinda like if your brother STOLE ALL YOUR BEER?

GAGE: Dude your trailer has a padlock on the fridge. wtf

KNOX: Thought you might head over.

GAGE: U suck

GAGE: This entire family sucks

GAGE: If I wanna get drunk until my brain’s pickled I can

KNOX: Quit bitching and give me some advice.

GAGE: Advice?????

KNOX: Ya. Call me.

GAGE: Just text it

GAGE: Or use symbols

KNOX: I hate you.

KNOX: Fine, I’ll text. So Darth Yoga put my number in her phone and said I could text her but not to come over.

KNOX: Dunno what to make of that.

GAGE: She’s married bro. You’re tappin’ married pussy. Abort. Abort.

GAGE: You do not want that.

KNOX: She ain’t married. Said she’s got some shit going on.

GAGE: Married.

KNOX: Forget I asked.

GAGE: I’m just teasing ya

GAGE: Hello?

GAGE: Bro, it was a joke.

GAGE: Damn you’re sure touchy in a txt msg

GAGE: Fine you want my help, I will help.

GAGE: Is it possible she has a really strict dad?

KNOX: Don’t think her parents are involved anymore.

GAGE: Then something’s going on at work maybe

GAGE: Or she’s got finals or somethin’ stressful

GAGE: That’s beside the point, though. She’s a chick. They can be cagey. Did you try texting her?

KNOX: Not yet.

GAGE: Don’t send her dick pics

GAGE: Girls hate that shit.

KNOX: You send your dick to women??

GAGE: Me? Nah, I don’t need to. I get in their pants just fine. :)

GAGE: Just saying in general.

KNOX: I just wonder if she’s pushing me away again.

KNOX: Man I sound like a chick saying that.

KNOX: But she’s hard to nail down. Doesn’t want anything to do with me, and then when she caves, we’re all over each other for a day, and then nothing.

KNOX: So I don’t know what to think.

KNOX: I asked her to marry me.

GAGE: The fuck?

GAGE: You did what???

My phone rings a moment later. Figured it would. I consider for a long pause, letting it ring three times, and then pick it up just before it goes to voicemail. “Yo.”

“You jackass. You asked Darth Yoga to marry you? Why? If you want to get laid, bro, there are easier ways!”

“You sound sober,” I tell him cheerfully. “Run out of trailers to raid for beer?”

“Fuck you for padlocking your fridge. And yeah, I’m far too sober to deal with this shit. Don’t change the subject. You really asked her to marry you?”

“Yeah.” I think of Lexi and how even though it’s only been two days since I saw her, I miss her like crazy. I don’t bring up the baby, though. Not yet. “You know how Clay just knew when he met Natalie and didn’t want anyone else but her? Ever? That’s how I feel about Lexi.”

“Yeah, but Clay’s a fuckin’ dumbass. I thought you were smarter than that.” He sighs heavily. “Fuck, am I gonna be the only one left in this trailer park?” For a moment he sounds so lost and lonely that I want to get in my truck and drive home to hang out with him. I know what he’s thinking. That it used to be him and Seth that would bro up and play video games and talk shit when they didn’t have dates, and now it’s just him. The fact that all his older brothers have someone in their lives now has to be making him feel even more isolated.

“So you can’t help me?” I ask, even though I don’t really want help. Lexi’s a puzzle that Gage won’t be able to figure out. She’s mine to decode, and I love her tricky personality, even if I don’t always understand it. But Gage needs someone to talk to, I think. And if there’s one thing Gage is good at, it’s romancing women.

“Lemme think. You’re still out in bumfuck East Texas, right?”

“Yeah,” I say, settling in to the motel chair. “Will be for a few more days in case she wants to hang out. She’s texted me, but they haven’t been real conversations.”

“She texted you? You didn’t text her?”

“Right.”

“That’s a good sign, bro.” I hear a crash of something and then a heavy thud on the other end.

“What are you doing?”

“Heading back to my own trailer. Yours sucks. Fuckin’ padlock on the fridge.”
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