Don't Let Go

The temperature dropped thirty degrees since our sunny day at noon. Even Harley gave me a look when I told her to go outside and do her business. I’m sure she was thinking the hall bathroom would do just fine.

 

Becca came and went, restocking for her second sleepover night, and then texting me a few hours later with a line of smiley faces. She was in a great mood. I was, too, in spite of the carnival plans in freezing temps. I was going on a date with Noah Ryan for the first time in twenty-six years.

 

With the possibility of a sleepover of my own.

 

I was such a slut.

 

And when Noah arrived an hour early, with a delicious look of desire in his eyes, I was eager to explore that. Which we did. All over my kitchen. And I didn’t even obsess about sanitization. I figured I could worry about that later, and he was worth every bit of it. If I could have kept him naked 24/7, I would have.

 

Lord, who was I?

 

Evidently I was a woman held down by rules and boundaries for far too long.

 

There was also something to be said for Noah in clothes, too. In faded jeans, boots, a dark blue button-down shirt and that do-me-on-the-table leather jacket of his, I was salivating.

 

“You taste like cupcakes,” he said later, licking and kissing my neck as I attempted to get ready. We’d already gone two rounds.

 

“Vanilla and coconut lime body splash,” I said.

 

“Mmm, it makes me want to—”

 

“Again?” I said, laughing.

 

“I was gonna say go buy some cake,” he said on a grin. “But I’ll be game again in a couple of hours.”

 

“Have you talked to Seth today?” I asked. “I’ve tried calling him but he hasn’t answered.”

 

“Yeah, right after I left here, before the parade,” he said.

 

“Hmm, guess I just keep missing him,” I said. “Does he have big plans for the day?”

 

“He said he was spending the day with family,” he said.

 

I felt a prick of pain to my heart on the word, but then let it go. It was right that he do that. It was right.

 

Icy air hit me like a wall when we parked in front of the bookstore and got out.

 

“Déjà vu,” I said. “Sure seems like I was just here. Oh, geez,” I muttered, pulling my coat tighter around me. “What is wrong with these people?”

 

Food aromas assaulted our senses. Either it had gotten stronger with the thicker, denser air or we had some serious post-sex munchies going on. I wanted it all.

 

“Don’t suppose there’s like a sampler platter,” Noah said as we approached the various chili booths.

 

“Uh, no,” came a familiar voice behind us. Linny stood behind a table with a patio cover overhead, a giant red apron announcing 1st Place Winner emblazoned across the front. A matching banner hung overhead. “There’s only one bowl of chili you need to get.”

 

I sucked a breath and ran to hug her. “Oh, my God, Linny!” I said. “You won! Holy shit!”

 

“I know, isn’t it crazy?” she said, her face pink with pride and the cold.

 

“Crazy?” I said, laughing. “It’s awesome! It’s about time.”

 

“You’ve entered before?” Noah asked behind me.

 

“Every year,” she said.

 

“Georgette Pruitt has won every single year for—I don’t know, fifteen years?” I said under my breath in case she was lurking.

 

“At least,” Linny said.

 

“Way to go,” Noah said, hugging her. “Serve us some up. I’m starving.”

 

“I’m so proud of you,” I said. “And I want extra. I’m even hungrier than he is.”

 

“You don’t know that,” he said, looking down at me with mischief in his eyes.

 

“Oh, yeah, I do,” I said. “You’re saving room for cake, remember?”

 

“I can have both.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Linny said, raising her hand. “Have I missed an announcement or something?” She pointed to us in turn. “When did this happen?”

 

“This morning,” I said, unable to keep the ridiculous smile off my face.

 

“Oh, thank God!” she said, coming around the table to maul us at the same time. “Oh, man, I prayed this would happen. Not that Shayna wasn’t nice, but—you’re just family. Oh, Lord, I’m so excited.”

 

When I laughed, she clamped a hand down on each of our arms and looked up in Noah’s face with amusement in her eyes. “Dad’s gonna shit a brick.”

 

“He’ll get over it,” Noah said.

 

“Hey, he actually hired Becca,” I said. “So maybe he’s mellowing in his old age.”

 

“True,” she said, pointing at me. “And—I haven’t seen the cane in action for a while.”

 

“Nope, the music has evidently stopped,” I said.

 

“It’s the day the music died,” she said, nodding to keep a straight face while I snickered.

 

“So can we have some chili now?” Noah asked.

 

“Oh, men,” Linny scolded. “We’re talking drama, and all they can think about is food.”

 

Not all, but I wasn’t going there with Noah’s sister. She ladled up two helpings of steaming chili and a generous handful of shredded cheese into two plastic bowls.

 

“Fritos?” she asked.

 

“Of course,” I said, while Noah declined. I shook my head at him. “Italy ruined you.”

 

He turned to me before he took his first bite. “Well, then you have the rest of our lives to get me back in line.”

 

The cold almost disappeared there for a second as those words warmed me down to my toes. The day couldn’t get any better, and I was afraid to keep thinking that. Afraid I’d jinx it. Only downside is that I hadn’t gotten to talk to Seth.”

 

“Your Nana was here just a little bit ago,” Linny said.

 

“Really?” I said. “How’d she get here?”

 

Linny shrugged. “Don’t know, but she’s eating like a wild boar on a tear.”

 

I laughed. “Probably bribing people for their recipes, too.”

 

“Oh, she tried,” Linny said with a wink. “But I don’t cave easily. Did you hear that it might actually snow?” she said, grinning like a kid. “Wouldn’t that be something?”

 

Yeah, it would be something. Especially today, but the odds of that were nearly zero. “I wouldn’t hold my breath,” I said. “We’ll just get sleet or something.”

 

The chili thawed me completely. Only thing better was if I could have soaked my hands in it. But it left my mouth warm and tingling with Texas spice, the way chili ought to be.

 

“Mmm, Linny, this is amazing,” Noah said. “I never knew you could cook like this.”

 

“Always thought it was the best,” I said. “Has Hayden been out yet to get some? You know he goes loopy for your chili.”

 

She pinked up again. “He did, actually. Came by a couple of hours ago—with a date.”

 

“Really?” I said, warmth flooding me again. “Good for him. He needs someone.”

 

Heavy music started up nearby, rumbling the very sidewalk under my feet.

 

“Go check out the band,” Linny said. “I heard they are supposed to be good.”

 

Okay, so far the carnival wasn’t a complete bust. I had to admit it. Even with the silly snowflakes hanging—wilted and floppy in some cases, spiky wooden weapons in others—it wasn’t so bad. Maybe it was the company.

 

Walking around hand in hand with Noah made the very air around us feel full of magic and promise. It was like being a teenager again in an old body.

 

We bought a slice of cake, and the look in Noah’s eyes as I fed it to him was priceless. I was pretty sure my fingers and toes had frostbite, but I no longer cared.

 

We reached the makeshift bandstand, which was really an oversized tractor trailer in front of the gazebo, and the band was pretty good. And when Noah grabbed my numb gloved hand and pulled me into his arms for a slow dance, I decided it was the best band ever. I’d even buy their CD. Yep, I was a teenager again.

 

Noah’s arms wrapped inside my coat, and his face came down to mine as I pulled him closer.

 

“Don’t let go,” I mumbled against his mouth.

 

“Never,” he said, smiling at the words, shutting me up with a slow warm kiss that moved my blood all the way to my fingertips and back again.

 

The whole town disappeared as the music vibrated the air and I was enveloped in everything Noah. His scent, his taste, and the feel of his body. And I wasn’t stealing a forbidden moment or taking what wasn’t mine. Noah Ryan was mine. Had been since that long ago day with the Dr. Pepper. We’d just been on hold for a while.

 

I chuckled as the song ended and he glanced at his watch.

 

“Somewhere you have to be?”

 

“Kind of,” he said, winking at me. “Come with me.”

 

He led me around more food booths, where I found Nana Mae and another lady loading up on funnel cake.

 

“What are you doing out here in the frozen tundra?” I asked, giving her a hug.

 

“Getting my sugar high on, sweetheart,” she said, nudging the other woman who had just stuffed a large doughy piece in her mouth and proceeded to laugh around it. “Trolling for old men. You know Clara Sullivan?”

 

“Hi, I’m Julianna White,” I said, holding out a hand and chuckling at my grandmother.

 

“So nice to meet you sweetie,” she said. “Mae talks about you all the time.” And then both women looked at my date.

 

“This is Noah,” I said, looping my arm with his. “Noah Ryan.” I looked Nana Mae in the eyes. I didn’t know what to call him, but it didn’t matter. She knew my heart.

 

“Nice to see you again, Noah Ryan,” she said, a knowing smile warming her face.

 

Noah hugged her, making her widen her eyes at me like a school girl. “Nice to be back.”

 

“How did you get here?” I asked, touching her arm. “Mrs. Sullivan drive?”

 

“We got a ride,” she said with a wink. “Now, you two go do what you were headed to do,” she said. “I’ve got fried crap to indulge on.”

 

I laughed, and eyed that funnel cake, making a note to revisit that. It had been many years since I’d indulged in that. Lord, how I’d fallen. We twisted and turned through the rides until we emerged on the other side, looking at the park.

 

“I think we have a date with a bench,” he said.

 

Warm tears touched the backs of my eyes, but they were happy ones. And that in itself was a miracle for this day. Happiness instead of hollow, empty regret. Having a face and a personality to put with the memory of what we created.

 

It being Seth’s birthday, instead of the day we lost everything.

 

“I think you’re right,” I said, linking an arm in his and hugging him to me as we walked the winding path.

 

It was odd and somewhat surreal to walk it with him instead of alone. But that was nothing compared to the view that awaited me when we rounded the last bend.

 

Standing in front of our bench was Seth.

 

 

 

• • •

 

 

 

I blinked in the low light glowing from the solar lamps and my whole body buzzed with energy.

 

“Oh, my God!” I exclaimed, letting go of Noah and running to him.

 

Seth laughed as I tackled him, hugging him tight. “Surprise,” he said.

 

I let go and backed up, holding his beautiful face in my gloved hands. “Oh, holy crap, you aren’t kidding,” I said. “Happy birthday, baby.”

 

I knew I was crying and didn’t care. He’d seen me weepy more than not, and one day I might not cry every time I saw him, but I wasn’t there yet.

 

“I figured this birthday warranted something a little different,” he said, smiling down at me with Noah’s young face. “And when Noah told me about this place and how it all went down—well, I remembered the painting in your living room. Thought it was fitting.”

 

My chin trembled and I nodded. There were no words. I turned to gaze at Noah as he strolled up, hands in his pockets, always the casual yet spring-loaded pose.

 

“Happy birthday, bud,” Noah said, pulling Seth to him in that backslapping man-hug thing that guys do. “Good to see you again.”

 

“You knew about this,” I said.

 

He widened his eyes at me. “I’ll never tell.”

 

I shoved at him and turned back to Seth. “Have you had a good day?” I asked. “Did you get cake? There’s about fifty pounds of it back there,” I said, pointing behind us.

 

He smiled guiltily. “Actually, I did. Earlier,” he said. “I met Becca and her friend and hung out with them for a bit. She made me have cake. Two pieces.”

 

My jaw dropped. “Seriously?” That explained the random smiley faces. That girl.

 

“I made her promise not to tell you,” he said.

 

I loved it. He hung out with his sister. Oh, holy hell, I loved it so much I was going to cry again.

 

“And Linny?”

 

“Yeah, her too,” he said.

 

I wiped at my face and reached for them both. “I love y’all,” I said, overcome, hugging them tightly to me. Then I turned to face Noah, trying to convey with my eyes everything I was too emotional to say. He dropped a sweet kiss on my lips, telling me he got it all.

 

“This is new,” Seth said.

 

“Took your advice,” Noah said with a small grin.

 

“Glad to hear it,” Seth said, chuckling.

 

“Enough with the man code,” I said, linking arms with both of them and walking to the bench. Our bench. “What advice?”

 

“None,” Noah said. “You don’t need to know everything.”

 

Used to think I did, but I had to say, I was learning.

 

“Suffice it to say,” Seth said as we sat. “That all appears to have worked out.” He glanced sideways at me. “Kinda cool that y’all are back together,” he said. “Like it’s all come full circle.”

 

Noah was quiet and I looked at his profile as he gazed off at where the river glistened black and sparkling.

 

“What are you thinking?” I asked softly, nudging him.

 

“Full circle,” he echoed. “The music back there,” he said. “Sitting here on this particular day, the three of us.” His voice grew husky and I knew what he was going to say. “The last time we were all here together was the day he was born.” Noah looked at both of us. “Now, here we are. Together again.” He blew out a breath and shook his head, facing forward again. “I never thought I’d see this day.”

 

I wiped the tears that were streaming down my face too quickly to freeze there, and I noticed Seth discreetly rub his eyes as well.

 

“Seth, I’ve come out here every year,” I said. “And this is the best birthday of yours I’ve ever had.” He laughed and I laid my head against his shoulder. “Thank you so much for coming.”

 

“Wouldn’t have wanted it any other way,” he said.

 

As I looked out at the river, my two guys on either side of me, I realized my chance had finally come.

 

“That painting in my living room,” I said, lifting my head to look at him. “It’s yours.”

 

“What?”

 

“I did it for you, a couple of weeks after you were born,” I said. “In my mind, it was a gift to you. Something to save the moment. Something my mother couldn’t steal.”

 

Noah’s other hand came over mine.

 

“It was all I had of you, but now it’s not,” I said. “I have more than a memory on a canvas now. I have the real thing.”

 

“You’re giving it to me?” he asked.

 

“If you want it,” I said. “I’ve been holding it for you for a long time.”

 

“I’d love it,” he said, blinking away. “Thank you.”

 

I was wrong before, thinking I’d had the perfect January 29. Now I had. Nothing could ever top this. Not ever.

 

Then Noah started laughing.

 

“What?” I said. Then I saw it. “Oh, holy—”

 

“Yeah,” Noah said.

 

Two snowflakes drifted down between us. Then three more. It wasn’t possible. Zero odds.

 

I met Noah’s eyes and remembered that other day—as snow began to fall, with his LifeSavers clutched in my hand and his words about miracles.

 

Our son was right. We really had come full circle.