Endlessly

WHAT'S IN A NAME?



We stepped out of the trees and into the middle of a throng of faeries. My heart beat like a wild bird in my chest, fluttering against my rib cage and desperate to get away.



The faeries were all standing, arrayed like satellites around the gravity of the Dark Queen. I had expected thrones of gold and gems, but she sat in the middle of everything on an enormous, deep purple calla lily. Her dress today shimmered with every color imaginable, a prism in fabric form, and her black-oil hair danced with life along her bare, alabaster arms. On either side of her stood a faerie, one with midnight-blue hair and eyes, her face dotted with tiny points of light like stars shining beneath her skin. The other was the Goose Down Hair faerie from the Center. The one I'd set free, straight back to help my greatest enemy.



And there he was...Lend. My hands flew to my lips to stop from crying out in joy, because he was here, my Lend was here, I'd found him! He was at the Dark Queen's feet, lying perfectly still, in his real form and thus nearly invisible under his clothes. He wasn't-oh no, no no no, he wasn't dead, he couldn't be dead. If I'd lost him forever, my world was over. A small, animal sound escaped my mouth, then there was the slightest shift, a twitch of his hand, and I let out a muffled sob. He was still alive. I could still save him.



"Ah," the Dark Queen said, snapping my attention back to her. Maybe I couldn't still save him. I tried to avoid looking into her pure black eyes, instead focusing just above them on her high, smooth forehead. "The Empty One comes to me."



Her voice shot through me like a hook, catching on my back and then drawing me forward. My feet moved against my will, again.



"Approach, child."



She was swallowing me whole, I knew it, I could feel it happening, but I couldn't care. I was silly to think I could ever do anything against her. I had no right to exist, no right to even be. She preceded existence. She superseded creation. To say she was more than me was laughable in its simplicity. She was more than anything. She was a god.



She would be my god. I would go to her feet and worship her, do anything and everything she asked of me, anything to be near her, to have my nothingness absorbed and absolved by her, to-



I stumbled on my icy feet, falling to my knees and scraping my palm. I turned it over and looked at the bright dots of blood.



My blood.



Me.



Neamh. Neamh. Neamh. Me.



I took a deep breath, then stood, shocked to see I'd already covered all the distance to her and was standing directly in front of Lend. Careful not to let any expression show, I set my face into a mask of need and adoration and lowered my head in pretend obedience.



Even though I couldn't see her face, I felt her smile triumphantly. "Did you bring me this toy as an offering?" she asked, and I tried not to react as Reth answered immediately behind me.



"Yes, my lady. Please accept it with my humblest gratitude for my continued existence." He was lying; I only hoped she didn't figure it out.



She tapped one long, ice-white finger against her knee. "You shall exist. For now. But only because I think your betrayal will plague my sister more than your death. Now, you," she said, leaning forward and gesturing with her finger. My head rose, pulled up on an invisible string.



She cocked her head, a gesture I'd seen on Reth so many times, so beautiful I could barely stand to look at her. "What have you brought me as an offering? What can you give me to convince me not to end you right now? I have no need of you, not anymore. A few years yet and we will be free."



My mind raced, desperate. I stuck my hands in my pocket, wrapping one around the knife as though it could somehow give me the answers. I could give it to her, but, no, it was pitiful as far as gifts went. She didn't crave things, she wanted power.



Power.



I looked into her eyes, suddenly hopeful.



"I can give you my name."



Her face froze, then her violet lips parted in a hint of a smile. "Your true name?"



I nodded eagerly, stepping forward over Lend. "My true name. But you have to do something for me."



Her smile faded and I felt it like you feel a cloud passing over the sun; even with a firm hold on my mind it made me desperate, anxious to regain her sunshine. "You would dare ask something of me?"



"Let him go," I said, my words rushing out. "Lend. Let him go, and I'll give you my true name, and I'll do anything you want, I'll open any gate anywhere, I'll be yours forever. Anything."



She didn't blink, hadn't blinked this whole time, never looked away from my eyes and I knew I was seconds away from losing myself. I couldn't lose myself, not if this was going to work.



"You have far too much spirit for an Empty One," she said, leaning forward. "You cannot command me in anything. I enjoy this boy, so pretty like glass. Do you suppose he is as fragile as glass? Would you like to find out?" She raised a hand toward him, and he whimpered softly in his sleep.



"No!" I shouted, and she smiled again.



"I shall keep him, and you will tell me your name to save yourself. And even then, perhaps I will end you anyway."



Blinking against the tears, I nodded and opened my mouth.



"Your name is for me alone," she warned. I leaned closer to her and she bent her graceful, long neck down, putting her ear next to my face. I closed my eyes, the fear and joy and pain washing through me this close to her. I didn't deserve to be this close to her. I'd never deserve it, and I'd never get it again, and I wanted to sink into her darkness and never come out.



I pulled the knife out of my pocket and jammed it into her neck.



She screamed, the meadow around us shifting and crackling with lightning at the sound, the light disappearing. I fell backward, tripping over Lend's body.



"YOU!" I shouted, pointing to the Goose Down Hair faerie, barely visible in the writhing darkness that surrounded us now. "You have to help me one time! Attack the Dark Queen until I'm gone!"



Her eyes lit up with rage and death and she took a step toward me, hands outstretched. Guess that answered whether or not the previous commands would bind her. I closed my eyes, waiting to be killed, but when the hands didn't come around my neck, I opened them again. On the throne, standing over the Dark Queen, the Goose Down Hair faerie sobbed as she jammed the knife deeper into the Dark Queen's neck.



"My lady," the faerie shrieked in grief and terror, "my queen, I love you." She said it again and again as she slammed her hand against the knife, driving it in farther.



I dropped down, wrapped my arms around Lend, and screamed, "Reth! Get us out of here, now!"



Strong arms grabbed me, and with a bright flash we were pulled out of the Faerie Realms and into the blessed darkness of the Paths.