Epilogue

“Caleb. Don’t. You’re no one’s disciple. You’re free, and all that shit is behind you.” Her arm squeezed my waist.

“I hope you’re right, Kitten, but I’d still do anything to protect what’s important to me. I just hope it never comes to violence again. From now on, it’s just fighting in the gym.”

Livvie laughed.

“You mean you did this on purpose? Oh, Caleb,” she sighed, “you’re such a f**king man sometimes.” She kissed me again.

“I’m always a man. Don’t you forget it.” I winked. “Ask your questions, Kitten. I can’t promise I’ll always be this agreeable.” I skimmed her lower back with my fingers.

Livvie’s smile faded a bit, but I could sense her determination nonetheless.

“Why me, Caleb? Why’d you choose me?”

I was sorry I invited her questions. I could think of at least ten other things I would rather suffer than formulate words to loaded questions like those. However, why is always important to people. It had been important to me. I’d wanted to know why I’d been taken. I’d wanted to know why Rafiq showed me genuine affection when I was a boy. My entire life had been about why. I owed Livvie answers.

I cleared my throat.

“You made me curious.” I could practically feel the intensity of Livvie’s stare. “I watched you for weeks before I decided. Every time I saw you… I wanted to know more about you.”

“But why?” She pressed into my side. I let out a huff of air.

“Fuck, I don’t know. I guess… you looked kind of sad.” I raised my free hand and traced her confused brow. “You liked to stare at the ground and it used to make me angry because I couldn’t see your face, your eyes. I wanted to know why you were sad.” Listening to my words aloud and staring into those same eyes, I wondered what the hell had ever possessed me to hurt someone so innocent, so beautiful.

“You told me about your mom, about how she treated you, but I didn’t know that in the beginning. I saw you in your baggy pants and oversized sweaters and it didn’t make any sense to me why such a beautiful girl would hide.” I knew she had been hiding from someone like me. I thought, life is cruel.

“And then I f**king met you. You ran right into my arms and I…” I almost couldn’t say it. “I had to have you. I’m sorry, Livvie. I’m so very sorry.”

Livvie shook her head.

“I don’t need you to apologize anymore. We’re together and I don’t need you feeling bad about it. I just want you to stop pushing me.” She gripped my shoulder and shook me playfully. “I need to know how we arrived here, but it doesn’t mean I’m not happy to be where I am. I’m here, with you. That’s nothing either of us should be sorry about.”

“It doesn’t seem that way sometimes. You care about me, Livvie. I know you do. Except you won’t say it because you’re punishing me for what I did. I know I deserve it, but stop pretending you’ve forgiven me. If you want the truth from me, start being honest.” I felt the shift in power between us. Livvie had me where she wanted me, but I had her too. We had each other, and I liked knowing it wasn’t something either of us could surrender easily.

She put her head down on my chest in supplication. She could ply me so easily sometimes. If I had anything to do with her ability to wield power through submission, then I’d done my best work in Livvie. However, I doubted that was the case. She’d been playing me since the day we met in one fashion or another.

“I forgive you, Caleb. I’m just… angry. You’re angry too. I don’t like how easily you can hurt me.”

“It’s not easy, Livvie. I don’t like hurting you. That’s not fair.”

She made a growling sound. I almost laughed but managed to hold it in.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “I mean… you left. You could leave again. You think about leaving and going back to that life. How is that supposed to make me feel?”

I wanted to get up and throw things around the room. Livvie could be so infuriating.

“The only reason I said that is because you do the same to me. One minute you can’t live without me and you want me to treat you rough. The next minute you ask me if I’ve killed someone. Casually! As if I ever killed anyone on a whim. Am I supposed to believe you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you think is capable of those things? If so… you’re definitely not the person I remember.”

Livvie smiled.

“The rest of my life? You’re ambitious.”

I took in a breath and let it out in rush. Yes, she was infuriating. I had to laugh to keep from shaking her.

“I… fine. I’m ambitious.” Unable to resist, I added, “It’s not like I have anything else to do with forever. My schedule is wide open.”

“In that case, can I ask my questions?” She smiled sheepishly.

I sighed.

“Shit. Come on, then.”

We spoke for hours, it seemed. How many people had I killed? Why had I killed them? Did I get rid of everyone at the mansion? What happened to Celia (she’s very much alive)?

I answered all her questions as quickly and efficiently as I could and without becoming emotional about them. I didn’t regret the lives I’d taken. I had never killed indiscriminately. I only felt guilt for those I’d put in harm’s way.

I didn’t care for the questions involving Rafiq, of which there were few, or the ones having to do with Livvie’s and my history, of which there were many.

“Did you like the things you did to me?” she asked. I was mentally and physically exhausted.

“Did you?” I asked. I hoped she’d get the hint and stop asking me so many damn questions.

“Some of them,” she whispered softly.

I turned my head toward her and stared. She was blushing. Things were finally getting interesting.

“Such as? And don’t say the spanking—I know you love the spanking.”

“I… well, it’s mostly the spanking, but I like… other stuff too. It’s your fault. You’ve turned me into a sexual deviant like you.” She kissed my chest.

I laughed.

“Lucky me.”

“You could… tie me up. If you wanted. If you… like that.” Livvie’s finger slid beneath the sheets and caressed my dick. I groaned.

“Kitten… I’m…” I was distracted. Her fingers wrapped around my flesh and began stroking. “I’m beat all to hell. I don’t think…” I trailed off as my eyes slid shut.

“Would you like that, though?” Her voice was small and shy despite the boldness of her touch.

“Yes,” I whispered. “I’d like that very much. I miss… god, that feels good.” She’d slid her hand to my balls, her nails dragged slightly over the sensitive skin.

“What do you miss?” she whispered. Her leg wound around mine. My hand rested on the small of her back and I could feel her starting to rock against me.

“Control,” I managed. “I miss having control.” I lifted my hand from her lower back and put it on the back of her head.

“Over me?” she panted.

“Yes. I… liked being able to tell you what to do. I liked knowing what was going to happen next.” I laughed to myself. “I liked…” Breaking you down and making you do whatever the f**k I wanted you to do. I liked owning you. I liked shocking you. I liked making you come apart and putting you back together. “Stop, Livvie.” I placed my hand on hers and kept her from stroking my dick.

“What’s wrong?” she asked urgently.

“This!” I sat up slowly. “What do you think I liked about it, Livvie? I’m not used to being… I’m not normal, Livvie. I used to get a hard-on when you cried. Is that what you want to hear?”

Livvie’s expression was wounded.

“I know that, Caleb. You told me. I don’t expect you to be normal. It’s just that…” She’d gone from wounded to embarrassed.

“It’s what, Livvie? Explain it to me, because you’ve got me all confused.” I stared at her, willing her to answer.

“It’s just,” she struggled. “Before you… there wasn’t anybody. And then we spent all that time together and we did all those things. Then after, I was alone and you were gone and I tried to maybe… with other guys, but they weren’t you… and I couldn’t…”

“What?” I insisted. “I thought you said you weren’t with anybody since me.”

She snapped out of her rambling.

“I wasn’t! I couldn’t! Caleb, the things you did to me. I got used to them. I liked them. I could never do anything wrong with you. You told me what to do and… I liked it. There was nobody that could…” She blushed until even her chest looked red.

I exhaled, shocked. I thought about the first morning in the hotel room and the various other times she’d goaded me into dominating her. I felt stupid for not putting it together before. I knew some people enjoyed games involving domination and submission, it’s just that it had never been a game for me before. I looked at Livvie and smiled.