What the…???

I was pushed against the hard cement wall, and looked up to find Tudor braced in front of me, encasing me in the cage of his arms and breathing heavily against my skin.

My palms and back were flat against the wall, my face mere inches from his. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them a second later, intense emerald-green irises boring into mine.

He lowered his right arm and I felt a ghost of a touch on my hip. I gasped at the sensation. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even think to form a sentence.

What the hell was happening?

Without breaking eye contact, he trailed his fingers up the side of my dress, past my stomach which tightened in response, over my ribs and finally past the edge of my breast, both of us holding in our breath. He continued up to my throat. I tried to speak, to ask what was happening. I opened my mouth and his finger lay across my lips, silencing me in advance.

His hands reached down, taking hold of mine, our fingers clasping and he raised my arms over my head, restraining me from moving. His lips brushed over my forehead, my cheeks and then moved down to my neck.

I let out a moan, it felt too good. “Tudor, God… what… uhh…!” I whispered.

His lips moved back north, hot breath gliding over my skin, causing me to shiver, until his lips were feathering over mine, never once kissing but so deliciously close.

I moved forward, yearning for the connection, but he moved back and exhaled a painful moan.

“I can’t keep doing this, Tash. What you said to me when we went skating, I can't stop thinking about it. You like me. 'Just me for me'. 'Your Tudor'. God, it's all I think about,” he confessed in a soft tone.

He placed both of my hands in one of his, his free hand grabbing a fist full of my hair, tipping back my head, his forefinger stretching out to run continuously up and down my cheek in a hypnotising motion, up and down, up and down.

“Doing what…?” I was lost to the touch.

“I-I can’t keep wanting you like this and not having you… not tasting you... not being with you.”

“Mmm…” was my only response, his fingers leaving my hair and moving to caress my lips, round and round, tracing the edge of my cupid’s bow.

Unable to take the teasing sensation, I licked my bottom lip, brushing my tongue past his finger.

He let out a strangled hiss. “I want you. I want you now, so badly I can’t breathe.”

"You said you didn't like me, said I wasn’t your type," I reminded him huskily.

He looked right into my eyes. "I lied."

He lied!

I couldn't control myself, my emotional dam broke. “Then take me… I don't care anymore.”

“Tash…”

He reached down, seizing my thigh and pulled it up to cradle over his hip.

He pushed forward, pinning me hard against the cold brick, his mouth grazing across my ear, lapping at the lobe with his tongue. “I want to take you here against the wall, make you all mine, do you want that, Tash? Tell me you want that too.”

“Oh my God, yes! Now, Tudor, please…” I practically screamed.

He hoisted my leg higher, letting me feel how much he did want it. He nuzzled my hair and ground his hips into mine. “I’m going to hell… I’m not supposed to let this happen, this shouldn’t happen, they warned me, but I can’t stop, this isn’t a good idea, us being together is not a good idea.”

He reared his head back and met my gaze. “Tell me to stop, Tash, you need to tell me to stop…” he pleaded.

He dropped his restraint on my hands and cupped my head with his other arm. His attention fell to my lips, and he rubbed his together with a lick, causing them to shine and moisten, ready for my touch.

He broke his trance, and his heavy eyes made their way back to mine. “I can’t want you this much; you’re not good for me. You’re not meant for me, hell, I’m a f**king nightmare for you. But I have to do this, I can’t stop now…”

He closed in, lips achingly close to mine, but I pulled away at the last second swaying my head to the side. My first kiss with this man would not be like this. He shouldn’t regret it.

Tudor stepped back and dropped my leg. His hands lifted, and he slammed his fists against the wall above, breathing heavily.

“Tash–” he sounded like he was in pain.

“No. Stop,” I commanded, my palm thrust against his chest.

“Tash, listen–"

“No, you listen,” I bit out viciously.

I couldn’t look at him so instead I focused on the floor. “I can’t do this with you… I like you Tudor, probably too damn much and obviously more than you do me, but what the hell? ‘You can’t want me? I’m no good for you? Tell you to stop?’ Why are you here doing this? Did you think speaking to me like that would be okay? From the moment I met you, you have toyed with me so badly and I give in every time. I like you but… but, God, I have to like myself more than this, and I can’t be with someone who fights so hard against wanting me.”