Every Last Kiss

In my underwear and bra, I furiously ripped every single note off the mirror one-by-one and threw them violently onto the big pile on the floor.Jessa watched with a satisfied grin as I got further into the spirit and added his favorite CD to the top of the heap and then another.  A few minutes later, I gazed at the large mound in satisfaction.I felt a tiny bit better seeing his things littering my floor like unwanted garbage.



Staring at the pitiful pile of bad memories, I realized that I desperately wanted to set fire to it.But, obviously, that would be crazy.And probably against some sort of city ordinance.Plus, it would also burn my house down.So, I settled for pulling on a pair of boots and stomping on it instead…like an insane Italian woman making wine. After the very last cd had been adequately smashed and my legs were literally shaking from the effort, I finally turned to Jessa.



“Okay, now I’m ready to go,”I announced, slightly out of breath from the exertion and still almost naked…except for my boots, of course.



She stared at me wide-eyed and then burst into laughter.I couldn’t help but giggle too, as I imagined what I must look like…face flushed and half-naked and insane.



“Go where?”she gasped as she laughed.



“To Derek’s house, of course,”I answered matter-of-factly.“I need to drop a few of his things off.”



I stared pointedly at the broken pile of his belongings and then cracked up again in a high-pitched giggle that bordered on hysterical.I should feel guilty for ruining his things, but I SO didn’t.It almost seemed like Poetic Justice since he had broken my heart.I really just hoped he wasn’t home when we got there.In the mood I was in, I might be tempted to slash his tires.



I quickly pulled on my MAN EATER shirt and we piled into Jessa’s little blue Volkswagen bug because she didn’t think I was up to driving, even the short distance to Derek’s house.She was probably right.Two minutes and three streets later, we pulled up onto his driveway, right behind his little black Ford Ranger with the dent in the fender.



He was home. I fought the itch in my fingers to dig a tire iron out of Jessa’s trunk and give it a matching dent on the other side.It was so very tempting.But I resisted, using an extraordinary amount of self-restraint.



We climbed out and I reached into the backseat to pull out the trash bag filled with his broken belongings as Jess watched me in anticipation.



“What are you going to do with it?”she asked curiously, her light blue eyes developing a sadistic gleam.



Without hesitation, I marched straight to the bed of his truck, emptying his things out over the side.Everything tumbled out, small pieces of his CDs scattering onto his bed liner like the trash that it was. My battered black bra settled to a rest on the top of the pile, a garish reminder of the intimacy we used to share.Grabbing it, I looped it around his antenna, letting it hang as a limp banner for everyone to see.I could only imagine his mother’s face when she saw it.



I smiled in grim satisfaction as Jess started laughing again.And then I remembered his class ring.Pulling it off of my middle finger, I tossed it in as well, listening to the metallic clink as it bounced along the truck bed.It tumbled to a stop, the blue stone glittering in the light.



And then his front door creaked open.I froze in panic as he stepped onto the porch, bare-chested and in a pair of running shorts. It hadn’t occurred to me that I might actually come face to face with him.Now what?



“Macy?”



He stepped lightly from the porch and walked towards us, his handsome face hopeful.My heart started racing as he approached, his blonde hair wet from a shower. He smelled so clean and masculine.I steeled myself with the reminder that I hated him now.He was no longer my perfect, green-eyed Poseidon.



“I’m so glad you came,”he sighed as he reached for me.“I was afraid that you were never going to speak to me again.”



I side-stepped out of his reach and glared at him.



“I’m not planning on it,”I spit, beginning to see red again.



Did he seriously think I was such a pathetic push-over?That he could humiliate me in front of the entire school and I would just forget about it?That his little frownie-face on his ‘please talk to me’ text yesterday had worked?Not hardly. Not even close.



“I had some of your things at my house and needed to return them.”I gestured toward the back of his truck.He circled the fender and peered inside.



“What the…”his astonished gaze flew to my face.



I couldn’t quite blame him for being surprised.I was normally such an easy-going person.I wasn’t accustomed to fits of rage. I had to admit though, it was pretty satisfying.I stared directly into his green eyes.



“See you around,”I murmured coolly, walking past him and dropping into the front seat of Jessa’s car.



She quickly started the engine and backed out of the driveway before Derek could say another word.As we pulled away, he stared after us dejectedly.I desperately pushed down the guilty feelings.He deserved nothing less than this.He had broken my heart by impaling it with one of Tara Wilson’s tacky stiletto heels.



As we pulled back up to the curb in front of my house, Jess turned to me.



“Do you want me to come in?”



Her voice was doubtful because she knew me well.  She knew that after the huge rush of revenge, I was going to crash down hard and would want to mope alone.And she was right.



I shook my head.



“No thanks, Jess.I’m just going to suffer in silence tonight.”I looked at my driveway, where my mom’s shiny silver car was now parked.“And I won’t be alone, so you don’t have to worry. Thank you for coming over.”



  The smile that I gave her was starting to get a little watery.Uh-oh.I needed to make a run for it before I started bawling.I reached for the door handle.



“Okay,”she reached over to hug me.“But don’t forget, Mace… this is his problem, not yours. You’re perfect and he’s an idiot.Call me if you need me.”



I nodded and got out, rushing without a backward glance toward my brightly lit house.



I’d barely stepped in the back door, though, before my mom waylaid me.So much for suffering in silence.  My chattery mother didn’t know the meaning of the word.



“Macy, is that you?”she shouted from the kitchen. 



“Yes,”I called as I kicked my shoes off inside the door.



Who else would it be?My dad hasn’t stepped foot in this house since last year, something he complained about regularly since he still had to pay half of the mortgage payment.Mom appeared in the doorway with a piece of half-wilted lettuce in her hand.



“Was that Jessa?”



I nodded.



“She missed her check-up today.She probably hasn’t been flossing and was afraid to see me.”



That was probably exactly right.My mom had been Jess and Jenn’s dentist since they had cut their first teeth- and she regularly slapped them on the backs of their heads when they didn’t floss.Literally smacked them.Italians are colorful people.



“Oh, hey.While I’m thinking about it… this was on the porch for you.”



She ducked back into the kitchen and re-emerged holding a small brown box out to me.It had my first name written on the top in bold black marker and nothing else.I didn’t recognize the writing.



I raised my eyebrows as I stared at her questioningly.



“What is it?”



“I don’t know, honey.It’s yours. I didn’t open it.Maybe Derek left it for you as an apology.”



She shrugged nonchalantly, but the interested expression on her face betrayed her.She was dying to know what it was.



I carefully opened the top and peered inside.For all I knew, Tara had left me a bomb.But it was harmless.A necklace glittered within tissue-papered folds.



“It’s a necklace,”I stated simply.



Mom gave up on subtlety and yanked the box from my hands, pulling the odd necklace out to examine it in the light.It was the most unique stone I had ever seen… a dark red quartzy looking thing, the size of half my fist with veins of black running through it.It was beautiful.I’d never seen anything like it.



“It’s a bloodstone,”mom observed.“You don’t see these much anymore. And they’re usually green, with only a little red.This one is very unique. It has to be from Derek.He knows how much you love old things.”



And I did.I loved retro jewelry, vintage dresses, old movies.But I had just come from Derek’s house- and this box had hadn’t been on the step when I left.   



I shook my head.“Why wouldn’t he have left a note?Besides, it couldn’t be from him.I just came from there and he didn’t mention it.”



Surprise filtered across her face as she studied mine.



“Really?Do you want to talk about it?”



My rebellious chest started to quake.No, I didn’t want to talk about it.And I didn’t want to break down, either. He didn’t deserve my tears.I took a few shaky breaths before I spoke, gripping my own hands tightly so that my mom wouldn’t see them shake.



“No, thanks. I don’t want to waste any more time on him.”



The words sounded wooden, my voice flat.I was surprised at my own ability to get through them without screaming or throwing something through the window.I was also surprised and overwhelmed by the level of emotions I had been consumed with today. For being an easy-going person, I was feeling uncharacteristically violent. It was mildly alarming, even if I did have a very good reason.My mom looked concerned at the look on my face.I rushed to reassure her.



“I’m fine, mom.I’m just really tired of dealing with it right now.We can talk about it later, if you want. But I need a break from thinking about it.And if he comes here, please don’t let him in. I don’t want to see him. And the next time he comes in for a cavity, if he has the nerve to face you, that is… don’t give him any Novocain.”



She nodded quietly and stepped forward to hug me.Her dark hair, just like mine, swung forward and brushed against my shoulder, bringing with it the scent of apples and strawberries.



“I’m sorry, sweetie.You didn’t deserve this.  But it will be okay, I promise.If you need anything…”her voice trailed off uncertainly and I nodded.



“I know.If I need anything, I’ll let you know.”How about a baseball bat for his car?Or a tire iron for his femurs?



But obviously I didn’t say those things.If I did, my mother would stick to me like Velcro for the rest of the night.Instead, I just walked calmly past her and trudged toward my room.



“Honey?”



I turned back around.



“You forgot this.”She put the necklace back into the box and handed it to me.“It must be from your dad or something.It looks expensive.”



I nodded as I turned around again and trudged away. I needed to get far, far away from her pitying looks.



Tossing the box onto my bed, I dropped next to it like a sack of bricks, my breath whooshing out of me.Regardless of the fact that it was only 6:00, I was bone-weary.I didn’t even take the time to take my clothes off or stop to pee.I knew that if I thought about this mess for one more second, I might start screaming.Ramming a pillow over my head to block out the dying sunlight, I closed my eyes and slipped mercifully into the silent oblivion of sleep.