I’m short of breath, tripping over the ridiculously long sari, but I don’t want to stop moving. I’m afraid that Maddie is dead and that once we stop moving we’ll realize she’s not breathing; she’s so small, her limbs like dark limp weeds hanging over Lilac’s arms.
We’re past Madame’s gardens now. The grass is waist-high and unruly. Lilac stops and sinks to her knees. “Bring the light over,” she tells me, gasping for breath. I kneel too and hold the lantern over us.
Maddie’s chest rises and falls. And now that I’m close enough, I can hear her little whimpers and moans.
“Shh,” Lilac coos, and lays her daughter in the grass. “It’s okay, baby. It’s all right.” Lilac unbuttons the front of Maddie’s threadbare dress, and I wonder how it is that nobody in this place ever wears coats. I suppose the smoke and Jared’s machine have something to do with it, because now that we’re far from Madame’s smoke and the lights of the broken carnival, I’m realizing how cold I am.
Lilac runs her fingers over her daughter’s ribs and arms, cringing when she causes a cry of pain. She is mumbling angry profane things about Madame, and I see tears brimming in her dark eyes.
Maddie looks at me, irises the color of moonlight on snow. Almost not enough blue in them to make them stand out from the whites. I want to look away—Maddie’s stares always unnerve me—but I can’t. It’s true that malformed children frighten me; I always stayed away from them in the lab where my parents worked. There’s something faraway about their faces, as though they live in a world the rest of us can’t see. There’s even a popular theory that they can see ghosts.
Right now, though, Maddie’s eyes are right here. She sees me, and I see her. I see that she’s in pain, that she’s frightened. “We aren’t very different,” I whisper. “Are we?”
Maddie closes her eyes in a long blink, and then looks back to her mother. Lilac gingerly buttons her daughter’s dress back up. “I could kill that woman,” she says.
“Has she done this before?” I ask.
“Not like this,” Lilac says. “Never like this.”
“It’s cold,” I say. “Let me go back and get blankets, at least.”
Lilac shakes her head. “Jared will be here,” she says.
It turns out that she’s right. Within minutes we see the shadowy figure lumbering toward us through the weeds. There’s gauze wrapped clumsily around his upper arm. He has brought blankets and gauze and liquid-filled bottles that look like props out of Vaughn’s basement. “I grabbed what I could in a hurry,” he tells Lilac. “How is she? Is anything broken?”
The two of them talk in low voices, Maddie between them all lit up in the lantern light. She’s propped herself up on one trembling elbow, and Jared is prying apart her eyelids, checking her pupils.
I stay out of the light, watching, worrying about Gabriel, whom I’ve left alone in that distant sphere of smoke and bright lights and music. I have to get to him. I have to get us both out of here, now that I can see how dangerous Madame is.
Before I realize I’ve moved, I’m up and walking.
Jared says, “Where are you going?”
Lilac says, “Come back here. Are you out of your mind?”
But their voices are too small and far away to stop me. I hoped before, stupidly, that playing by Madame’s rules would give me an opportunity to escape. Just as I played by Vaughn’s rules when I was trying to escape my marriage to Linden. But I could never have predicted the evil that chars those two souls. The bodies Vaughn collects. The maniacal delight in Madame’s eyes as she closed in on Maddie for the deathblow.
I see it now.
There are no rules. It’s survival of the fittest.
I break into a run, and I hear someone crashing after me through the weeds.
“Stop.” The whisper is hot and angry. “Stop.
“Stop!”
An arm latches around my waist, lifting me off the ground.
“I can’t leave him there,” I cry. “You don’t understand!”
I struggle to get out of Jared’s grip. His arm is thick and as heavy as iron. I raise my elbow and manage to jab him—hard—in the gunshot wound. He drops me, cursing, and I hit the ground running. But he grabs the scarf of my sari in his fist and reels me in, and I can’t break free.
“Just listen,” he growls. “You want to help that boy? If Madame catches you right now, you won’t be of any use to him. You’ll never get away.”
I yank the fabric from his hands and bristle, indignant, but I know he’s right.
“Did you know?” I say. “Did you know that she was planning to sell me?”
“I don’t pay attention to how she does business. But I do know this: If she sees you, she will not let you get away again. There’s something about you that she thinks will make her a lot of money.”
“I don’t care what she thinks. I have to get him out of there,” I say. “Let her try and stop me.”
There’s so much anger in me that I can feel it buzzing through my blood. I know I’m not being rational. I know that my rage won’t transform me into something stronger and greater than what I am. I know that I am in over my head, that I’ve taken Gabriel down with me. But all I can do at this point is try.
Somewhere behind me Lilac is calling out to Jared, saying that something is wrong, that Maddie’s coughing blood. She’s in a panic, telling him to come and help her, to quit worrying about me. And she’s right. He knows it.
“Don’t be stupid,” he tells me. But the only stupid thing would be to stand around not trying to fix anything.
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