Fifth a Fury

We needed a fresh start.

Bracing myself for his temper, I said quietly, “Can I ask you a question?”

His gaze caught mine, still brittle from me thanking him. Brittle because he believed he didn’t deserve thanks. Too riddled with condemnation to move on.

When he didn’t answer, I scooted closer and pulled my hand free from his. Before he could argue, I cupped his cheek instead. His skin was warm instead of cold. Where I touched hummed with love and connection. “When you were unconscious, what was it like?”

His eyebrows raised as if he hadn’t expected that. His jaw worked as he swallowed and chose his words carefully. “It was dark.”

“Were you aware that you couldn’t wake up?”

“Yes.”

“Was it scary?”

“Petrifying.”

“So for six weeks, you’ve been locked in a black cage that you couldn’t escape.”

He flinched again. “I suppose.”

“Could you hear me? Feel me?”

“Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes...the dark would become too thick and I’d lose myself to it. For a while, I was too deep to do anything. I wasn’t even aware I was still alive.”

My whole body ached for him. I couldn’t imagine anything harder. To be denied company and care. To be dead to a world you couldn’t return to.

“What’s this about, Eleanor?” He pressed his cheek into my palm, twisting his head to kiss me gently. “I’m back now. Whatever I lived through is over.”

I smiled, glad he’d fallen into my trap. “Precisely.” I stroked his jaw before slipping my fingers through his longer, wilder hair. The length was a deeper ebony after not being exposed to sunlight and salty oceans for so long.

He frowned even though he shuddered and a groan rumbled in his chest as I petted and stroked. “I don’t get your point.” His lips twitched. “I just woke from a coma and my brain is broken. Give a man a break and speak plainly.”

“Your intelligence levels surpass most of us, even if you’ve just woken up.”

He turned his head again, nipping at my wrist as I continued caressing his hair. “Black and white, Jinx. Spit it out.”

“See, there’s the thing, Sully. There is no more black and white.” I dropped my hand, ensuring he focused entirely on what I was about to say. Not an ultimatum, but a suggestion. A request given from the heart but enforced with rigid determination because it was for his own good. “You heard what I said while you were still unconscious. I sent away the girls, the guests, gave your animals a new sanctuary, and deleted everything I could from your old life...with Cal’s help of course. I did that without your permission, and I’m still not entirely sure how you feel about it, but...just like you’re no longer in that dark oppressive cage, your past life has gone too. I need you to let it go. Let all of it go. If we stand any chance at being happy, you can’t keep recalling what you did or what happened between us before this precise moment. Promise me, you’ll stop. That you won’t let it eat away at you.”

“You’re under the impression that I care what I did.” He narrowed his eyes, looking eerily similar to the man who’d told me humans couldn’t have two sets of rules. One for mankind and one for animals. The one who used such black and white rules to exploit his own species.

This was too heavy a conversation to have when he’d just woken, but I could see the shadows haunting his gaze. The sins he still carried. The belief that he still didn’t deserve me or have a chance at true joy.

“I think you do care...far too much.”

“About you yes, but not about anyone else.” His tone was cool, wary.

“I’m sorry but I see straight through your lies.” I smiled to soften my barbed sentence. “I know who you are now, Sully. I know that you bury that part of yourself because your trust has been broken far too many times and you’ve seen the worst of what humans are capable of. But...I’ve read your emails. I’ve seen the generous donations to cancer research and philanthropy that you do. Your company is the best in the world for its aid to struggling countries. You gift breakthrough medicine instead of charging a fortune for it. You’ve taken other big Pharma to court over withholding drugs that can eradicate certain diseases and won. You’re a good man—”

“Stop.” His hand raised a little off the mattress, gaining more height than last time, his strength already surpassing anything I’d hoped. “I understand what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate your attempt at wiping the slate clean, but allow me to put your mind at rest.”

He waggled his fingers again, waiting for me to place my hand in his. The moment our palms kissed, he squeezed tight, making me wince with his newfound power. “First, I’ll tell you how I feel about you releasing my goddesses, removing the guests, and rehoming my rescues.”

I tensed at the unrelenting authority in his tone. I waited for his annoyance and admittance that I’d overstepped. That he would buy more girls soon and intended to continue business as usual once he was healed.

“I’m grateful to you, Eleanor.” He squeezed my hand again. “So fucking grateful that you untangled my life when I was prepared to do it myself. You were the reason I was able to wake up—knowing that at least a part of what I’d done wrong had been righted. You’re correct that I couldn’t keep doing what I did. That I can no longer take advantage of a life, regardless that that is how the world works for so many unlucky creatures.”

He cleared his throat. “As for my donations, I won’t give you a false picture of me and admit I have some secret superhero complex to cure and care for the human race. I don’t. I donate because it paints my company in a better light, gives us more leverage in human testing, and increases our bottom line.”

I opened my mouth to argue but he cocked his head and murmured, “Let me finish.”

I pursed my lips and nodded.

“You might think you’ve figured me out after going through my correspondence, but I am still the same man who first bought you. Yes, my ethics have improved somewhat. And yes, I will no longer use loopholes for my gain. But despite my new appreciation for all life and not just animals, I still find mankind abhorrent. I still despise overpopulation. I still believe the majority are spineless, selfish bastards that are a plague upon resources. However, there are enough who strife for equals rights for all—enough who aren’t greedy, vain, and cruel. So because of them, because of you, I will respect certain boundaries that I didn’t follow before.”

He licked his lips, his gaze focused and fierce on mine. “As for not reliving the past, I can’t promise that. I deserve to feel guilt for what I’ve done. I don’t believe I’ve paid enough penance, even at the hands of my brother or the past six weeks in a black hole. You can’t take it personally if I struggle to accept your unconditional affection for me. You can’t ask me to forget because I don’t want to forget. I want to be better. I want to remember, so I don’t make the same mistakes because I fucking refuse to put you or any creature of mine in danger again. Do you get that? Can you accept that? You have my word that I want to be happy. I want to be happy with you. It might take time for me to forgive myself, but as long as you are there, then I know I can be the best kind of man because you make me better and you’ve already given me more joy than I’ve ever known.”