Finding Perfect

“No, but I’m not sure how to keep him out. If he’s not blocking traffic or otherwise getting in the way of everyday life, there’s not much I can do. California has very supportive laws when it comes to filming.”

“Want me to beat him up for you?” Raoul offered.

Marsha smiled. “Aren’t you sweet? Let me think about it. At this point I’m more inclined to have a glass of wine and not deal with any of this until tomorrow.” She smiled at them. “You two have a good time.”

“We will,” Raoul said.

“A reality show,” Pia said as they found their table and sat down. “That’s kind of icky.”

“It should bring in revenue.”

“And weird people.” She leaned against him. “Like Marsha said, a worry for tomorrow.”

He wrapped his arms around her. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look?”

“About three times, but it never gets old.”

“You’re stunning.”

“Thank you. You’re pretty hunky yourself.”

AFTER DINNER, THE DANCING began. Pia excused herself to use the restroom. Along with her puffy tummy came the need to pee forty-seven times a day. Charity joined her along the way.

“How’s it going?” her friend asked.

“Good. I feel much better.”

“Nice to hear.”

Pia turned to her. “I wasn’t ready before, but I think I am now. Want to try the shopping thing again?”

Charity smiled. “I’d love to. I still have to make that all-important baby-wipe-heater decision. We can have an intense conversation about it over hot chocolate and cookies to gain our strength, then face the maternity clothes and baby store, ready to conquer.”

“It’s a date.”

They reached the restroom, only to find the usual line.

“I knew we needed more women’s restrooms when we remodeled,” Pia grumbled. “But did Ethan listen?”

“Complain to Liz,” Charity told her. “She’ll punish him.”

An older woman walked out of the restroom, then stopped by Pia. “How are you feeling, dear?”

“Fine.”

“I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I miscarried two before having my Betsy. She was a blessing. I know it’s sad but you have to trust that happier days are ahead.”

“Thank you,” Pia said.

The woman in front of them turned around. “I lost a baby, too. At four months. It was horrible, but you go on. It’s hard, but moving forward helps with the healing.”

A white-haired lady using a cane to walk stopped by Pia and patted her arm. “Just make sure you’re taking care of that stud of yours in the bedroom. If God hadn’t meant for us to have sex while we’re pregnant, he wouldn’t have made it so much fun. My George, God rest his soul, and I went at it until two weeks before I gave birth. All six times. As soon as the doctor gave us the all clear, we were at it again.” She winked. “One time a little sooner than we should have.”

Pia felt her mouth drop open. She consciously closed it, then swallowed.

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you for the information.”

“You’re a good girl, Pia. Have lots of sex. It helps.”

The woman teetered off, leaning heavily on her cane.

Beside Pia, Charity burst out laughing. “I can’t decide which is worse. Her calling Raoul a stud or the intimate details of her marriage.”

“I know which is worse,” Pia muttered. “I’m just trying not to think about it.”

After using the restroom, she returned to the table. Raoul stood.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding worried.

“Nothing.”

“You look…” He frowned. “Shocked.”

“Old ladies are telling me how important it is to have regular sex with you.”

He grinned. “Did I ever tell you how much I love this town?”

THEY ARRIVED BACK at Raoul’s place a little after ten. The long day had caught up with Pia and she felt exhausted. Raoul guided her into the house, then put his arms around her and leaned his forehead against hers.

“I want us to share a bed tonight,” he said, then smiled. “I’m not going to try to have my way with you. I just want to know you’re okay.”

He’d never asked her that before, she thought, both tempted and frightened by the invitation. In theory, they would be married soon, and after that, they would share a bedroom like every other couple. It wasn’t that big a deal. There was no reason the idea should make her uneasy.

“Sure,” she said, ignoring the warning voice in her head. “That would be nice. You’re not a blanket hog, are you?”

“You can have all the blanket you want.”

A lovely invitation, but in truth she was interested in a whole lot more than a blanket. She wanted him. All of him. Not just a practical invitation to a marriage that made logical sense. She wanted his heart and soul. She wanted to be the most important part of his life and the best part of his day. She wanted him to love her.

Afraid he would sense what she was thinking, she stepped back. “I’m going to go get ready for bed.”

By the time she’d taken off her makeup and changed into a nightgown, she’d nearly convinced herself that everything was going to be fine. That she was over-reacting. Sleeping with Raoul shouldn’t be that big a deal. It was probably better that they get used to each other one night at a time. She could think of this as a practice run.

But when she walked out of the bathroom and found him already in bed, her heart seemed to stumble a little. Although they’d shared a bed the first night they’d made love, somehow this was more intimate.

She shrugged out of her robe, then got into bed.

“Tired?” he asked.

“Exhausted.”

“Back sleeper or side sleeper?”

“Side.”

“Go ahead and get comfortable,” he said, then turned off the bedside light.

She felt self-conscious as she turned on her side, away from him. He moved up behind her, putting his arm around her. His thighs nestled the backs of her legs, his chest pressed against her spine. He wrapped his arm around her waist, holding on as if he would never let go.

“Good night,” he murmured.

“Night.”

Pia found herself getting more awake by the second. She wasn’t used to sleeping with anyone, and everything about being so close to him felt strange. And scary. She knew in her heart she could get to like this. That it wouldn’t take much for her to want him nearby all the time. And then what? Did she spend the rest of her life loving a man who wouldn’t love her back? Did she get lost in her kids’ lives so as not to notice that her marriage was only a shell of what she wanted?

His steady breathing told her that he’d fallen asleep. She wasn’t sure how long she lay there, fighting tears and a crushing sadness that told her the engagement was a mistake.

RAOUL READ THE GRANT proposal he’d received. A grad student had come up with an idea to link high school math and science programs to specific industries. The industries as a whole would underwrite the cost of the special math or science classes with the idea that most of the students would want to study that field and after college would come back to work for the sponsoring companies. The student wanted to study feasibility and approach different industries. The grant amount was modest enough.

Raoul made some notes in the margin of the proposal. He would call a couple of friends in aerospace, one of the suggested fields, and get their thoughts on the idea.

The door to the large office opened and Pia walked in.

He rose and smiled at her, pleased she’d stopped by. The last few days had been better than he could have anticipated. He liked having Pia around. They got along well. She made him laugh and always had an interesting world view.

Now, however, she looked serious and concerned.

He walked toward her. “Is everything all right?” he asked. “The babies?”

“We’re fine.” She drew in a breath. “I know why Crystal left me her embryos.”

While he hadn’t questioned the reason, he knew she’d had several concerns. “Tell me.”

“She believed in me. She knew she could trust me to care for her children, to raise them as my own. The only person who had doubts was me. I couldn’t believe in myself. I didn’t think I was capable. So I took the easy way out.”

She squared her shoulders. “I’ve moved out, Raoul. I did that this morning, after you left. Liz helped me. I’m back in my apartment.”

“I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

Leaving him? She couldn’t. He wanted her there—maybe even needed her in his life.

Her gaze flickered, then grew steady again. She pulled the engagement ring off her left hand and held it out to him. “I’m not going to marry you.”

He stared at the ring, watching how it twinkled in the overhead lights.

She couldn’t mean it, he told himself. She needed him. They needed each other.

“We’re going to be a family. I’m helping you with the babies. What’s changed?” They’d made plans. They were going to raise the children together. Have a kid of their own. He thought it was what they both wanted.

“I appreciate the offer,” she told him. “You’re a really great guy.” She paused for a second. “But it’s not enough. I don’t want a practical solution to a difficult problem. I want what Hawk and Nicole have. I want to be in love and be loved in return. I want a passionate, loving, messy marriage, practical or not. I want it all.”

What Hawk and Nicole had came around once every thousand years, he thought bitterly. He’d tried to find it with Caro and had been shot down. She wanted it all. Meaning she wanted him baring it all for her, handing over his heart. And then what? There weren’t any promises, no guarantees.

She wanted more than he was willing to give.

Her mouth curved into a sad smile. “I can see by your face that you’re not exactly excited about my news. I’m not surprised. I was hopeful, of course.”

“We don’t need that,” he told her. “We can make it work the other way. We don’t have to be in love to be happy.”

“Too late,” she said lightly. “I already am in love with you. And I won’t be with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

She loved him? Impossible. Was she trying to trap him?

Even as he thought the words, he wondered if they were true. After all, he’d been the one to propose, not Pia. He’d been the one pushing for them to be a family. He wanted to be a part of the babies’ lives. She’d never come to him.

But no matter how logical it all sounded, he couldn’t believe it. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Either way, he wasn’t taking the next step. He’d already done it once. He refused to be betrayed a second time.

“What happens now?” he asked stiffly, feeling as if he’d been sucker punched but not wanting that to show.

“We go on like we did before. People knew about the engagement, so you’ll have to answer a few questions. Don’t worry. I’m going to make it clear this was my decision. You won’t get run out of town.”

She held out the ring again, but he didn’t take it. She walked around him and set it in the center of the desk.

“You’re playing it safe,” she said quietly.

He turned to face her. She stared down at the ring, then returned her attention to him.

“You’re looking for an easy solution to a difficult problem,” she repeated. “You can’t play at being a family, Raoul. Life isn’t that tidy. If you want to be happy, you’re going to have to give it all—risk it all. Life demands that from us. You think if you’re logical enough you can make sure no one ever hurts you again. But the only thing that makes life worthwhile is loving other people and being loved by them.”

She sighed. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t mean to fall for you. It just happened. If you change your mind, if you want to take a chance, I’d love to be that girl.”

Then she turned and walked away, leaving him alone in an empty office. Everything he’d wanted was gone, and all he had to show for it was the engagement ring he’d bought for the woman he’d just lost.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

PIA TOLD HERSELF THERE WAS no reason to believe she was going to throw up. That the churning in her stomach would eventually go away. At least she wasn’t crying. It was one thing to walk through Fool’s Gold nauseous—at least no one could tell. But sobbing hysterically might get a question or two.

She reached city hall and went inside. She automatically greeted everyone she passed, smiling and waving, as if everything was fine. Only a few more feet, she told herself as she rounded the corner and saw Charity’s office. The door stood open, so she knew her friend was at least in the building.

Luck was on her side. Charity sat behind her desk, staring intently at her computer. She looked up as Pia entered.

“Thank goodness. I’m going crazy with—” Charity stood, her pregnancy obvious in her brightly colored knit shirt. “What’s wrong?”

Pia sucked in a breath and twisted her hands together. “I told Raoul I couldn’t marry him. That while I appreciated the offer, I can’t be in a practical marriage with someone I’ve fallen in love with.”

She paused, waiting for Charity to burst out laughing. After all, what did Pia expect? That he would fall at her feet and beg her to let him love her back?