There was so much beneath the surface that no one dared discuss.
And, if I was honest, they’d transformed me into the same kind of creature. Someone who had evolved from a single dimension and now lived with so many avenues of personalities.
I was still the quiet, vertigo-stricken girl from London, but I was also the woman who liked being tormented, who thrived on a fight, and who thirsted for sex.
And that stupefied me even more, because I wanted sex with Jethro, not Kestrel.
What does that mean?
Jethro had made me come totally and spectacularly in front of witnesses. He’d manipulated me—given me a reward. It was both sick and…sweet.
No, never sweet, Nila.
Yes, sweet.
Beneath the mask, he was so many things, and sweet was one of them.
Kite007: My call? You’re so sure I’ll be honest?
Needle&Thread: Why wouldn’t you be? You know who I am. I want to know who you are. I’m trustworthy.
Kite007: You’re wrong. I don’t know who you are. Every day I think I do, but then you do something that changes my perception. You’re a complexity.
My heart exploded.
Finally. Confirmation.
Every day you do…
Not say, or text, or imply. Do—as in action—physical.
My hands shook as I replied.
Needle&Thread: Perhaps you need to drop your guard, in order to see in to others. You’re just as complex, just as confounding.
The second I pressed send, I panicked. He’d admitted we knew each other. I’d admitted it, too. This anonymous freedom was now a knowledgeable cage.
Kite007: Tell me one thing you’ve lied about. Tell me the truth. Let me see what you’re hiding.
My brain smarted. There were so many secrets, too many puzzles. I’d changed so much; I no longer knew what I should hide. The little kitten who didn’t have claws would’ve curled into a ball at such a revealing question, but that was no longer an option, and I didn’t want it to be.
I was no longer afraid of diving deep and finding out who I truly was.
Needle&Thread: You want something real? I’ve only come once in my life, and it was just a few days ago.
It seemed like a small confession, but it was huge after all my fibbing of releases and kinky messages.
Kite007: How is that even possible? What was with all the other fucking releases you had? I thought you were a master at self-pleasure.
Needle&Thread: You’re asking questions that will lead to finding out who I am. Are you ready for that, Kite? Truly? No turning back once you do.
Radio silence.
Typical.
He’d run again.
My fingers hovered over the keys, determined not to end this. Not when we were so close to admitting this charade.
Needle&Thread: I could continue pretending I’m the masturbating minx you think I am or be honest with you. Again, your choice.
I rolled my eyes. He’s a Hawk. Maybe he already knew everything about me? They’d probably had my family under surveillance for years. Maybe that was the whole reason why Kes messaged me on a wrong number—to drip-feed Jethro information on how pathetic and hopeless I was.
I slumped against my pillows. It made sense. And hurt far too much.
Kite007: Masturbating minx? I like that title.
My eyes flared; my stomach twisted with eagerness.
Kite007: I need to know more. Stick to the subject and give me the truth. Nothing more. Nothing less. What were you doing when you said you came?
My heart raced.
Needle&Thread: Releases for me were found either on my treadmill or from working until my brain was numb.
Five minutes passed.
Kite007: And the only time you came? How did that happen?
As if you don’t know.
Suddenly, I was over it all. Over the fibs, the half-truths, the veiled secrets. He knew how it happened. He’d watched his damn brother stick his tongue between my legs and make me combust.
Needle&Thread: I came with the tongue of my enemy between my legs. He drove me so damn high and hard that I gave him a piece of myself no one else ever had, and he used it as a weapon against me. There, you happy?
My chest rose and fell. Arguing via faceless messages wasn’t enough. I wanted to strike and hurt and scream.
Kite007: If you were here with me, I’d give you your second release. I’d finger you until you were soaking, then I’d do what I’ve wanted to fucking do since I set eyes on you.
My mouth went terribly dry.
Needle&Thread: What have you wanted to do?
Kite007: I want to feel how tight you are. I want to experience your wet heat as I fill you. I want to give you my cock, Needle. Would you let me?
Oh, my God. My body turned boneless with desire.
Another message from a different sender arrived.
Textile: Nila? I understand why you haven’t replied to me, but I thought you should know that V and I are closer to figuring a way to end this ridiculous nightmare. Don’t lose hope, sweetheart. I love you so much.
Oh, bad timing, father. Seriously bad timing.
My lust turned to smouldering rage.
Ridiculous? He thought this was ridiculous? This debt that killed my mother and all the firstborn women in my family tree was ridiculous?
I laughed at his choice of words. This wasn’t ridiculous; it was insane.
Needle&Thread: Father, you let them take me. You knew all along they were coming, yet you did nothing to protect me. You handed me over like a fattened calf with no tears or violence. How can you say you’re coming for me? How can you say you love me? I’m not losing hope. I’m building my own brand of hope, and for the first time in my life, it doesn’t hinge on you. Leave me the hell alone.
I shook hard when I pressed send. I’d never spoken to my father that way before. Never been so disrespectful. It made me feel sick but also free. Free from the fear of disappointing him.
Because he’d disappointed me first.
Kite007: Would you let me fuck you? Would you break the rules and give me what I need so fucking much?
My mind swarmed with images of sleeping with Kestrel, but try as I might, all I could see was Jethro. All I could feel was Jethro. All I wanted was Jethro.
Shit.
I wanted to throw my damn phone against the wall.
Needle&Thread: Answer me one question before I give you an answer.
Kite007: What?
Taking a deep breath, I typed:
Needle&Thread: Would you kiss me first? Or is that against the rules?
A minute. Then two.