Flawed Heart

“Because I was suffering,” he roars, spinning and slamming his fist into my lamp. It goes soaring across the room. “I was fucking dying inside.”

“And you wouldn’t talk to me!” I scream. “Jesus, Max, you wouldn’t tell me what was happening, you just kept on pushing me away.”

“And you were supposed to be my wife,” he says and his voice, his strong beautiful voice, cracks. “Through better and worse, right? I was dying inside, but you didn’t want to stay by my side. I knew what I did was wrong, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I was broken and didn’t even know who I was most days, but I thought . . .”

I start to cry and he watches the tears slide down my cheeks.

“I thought you’d fight with me, but you just gave up. You just left.”

“I found out I was pregnant.” I sob. “The night you told me you didn’t love me anymore, I found out, and I couldn’t take it. It wasn’t fair.”

Before he can answer, there’s a pounding on the door.

“Open up, Belle!”

Shit. It’s Tyke.

I reach down and grab my clothes, jerking them on. Max doesn’t move—he just stands there, jeans on but unbuttoned, staring at me. I walk to the door and swing it open to see Tyke and Pippa staring in.

“Everything okay in here?” Tyke asks.

“It’s f-f-f-fine,” I manage through my tears.

“No, it’s not. You two need to separate,” he orders.

Max grabs his shirt, muttering, “Fucking fine by me.”

He walks to the door and I call out his name, my voice so weak it’s barely a whisper. He looks back at me as he shoves past Tyke. “Did you ever think telling me about that baby might have been what saved me?”

My heart breaks open.

“No, you didn’t, because you had already given up on me.”

Then he leaves.

I fall to my knees and sob.

“Higher, Mommy!”

I push the swing higher, smiling as my daughter squeals happily.

I brought her out today to try and take my mind off the awful person I was last night. I’ve picked up my phone so many times, wanting to talk to Max, wanting to explain, but having no idea how. I hurt him; I’ve not seen him hurt like that since the night his whole world changed. He’s right, and that hurts more than anything. I promised him I’d always be there for him, no matter what, and the moment it got hard I ran.

I’m a damned fool, and not for a second did I stop and think about my part in our marriage breaking up.

“Let’s go to the slide,” Immy cries when the swing stops.

“Okay, baby.”

I follow her over and spend the next hour playing catch with her. By the time we’re done, I’m exhausted. We get ice cream and then head back home, so she can have a nap.

The moment she’s down, I start thinking about my next move. I need to talk to Max, for real, not just a yelling match. I need answers. I need to know what happened that night. I need to know what the hell went wrong.

“Hey.”

I look up from my spot on the sofa and see Pippa leaning against the wall.

“Hey, Pip.” I force a smile.

She walks in and sits down beside me. “How are you feeling?”

“You mean after I had a screaming match with my husband last night?”

She nods. “Yeah. You were so upset. I’ve been so worried.”

“I screwed up big time, Pip. I hurt him, and I didn’t even realize I had been doing it.”

“I heard a fair bit of what was said; it was hard to miss. How did what he said make you feel?”

I cross my legs and stare down at my hands. “Like a damned fool. He’s right; I ran when things got hard.”

“You had your reasons. I don’t think it was entirely your fault or his; I think you were both suffering and things were hard.”

“But to just disappear in his time of need and then return five years later with a child . . . that seems so wrong the more I think about it.”

She reaches over and takes my hand. “You both made mistakes, and you did what you thought you had to at the time. Take it from me—sometimes you don’t realize what you’re doing is wrong until it’s thrown in your face. You went on instinct; you wanted to protect your little girl. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

“He was breaking,” I say, and my voice hitches. “And I let him down.”

“Oh, honey.”

“I have to fix this, Pippa, but I don’t know how.”

“The only way to fix it is to talk it out with him, but right now I think you both need time.”

I look her in the eyes. “I don’t think I have time. I’m going to see him on the weekend, Pippa. I have to finish this, for the sake of Imogen.”

She smiles and squeezes my hand. “You do what you have to do.”

She pulls me close and I hug her.

I pray I’m doing the right thing.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

THEN - TWO YEARS LATER

Belle laughs as I get down on my knee, staring up at her. She doesn’t think I’m serious, but I am. I want to marry this girl more than I want my next breath. I stare up into her crystal blue eyes and I know she’s the only thing I’ll ever keep fighting for. Every single year that passes, my love for her gets stronger, deeper, more intense, until I think it can’t get any better.

But it always does.

Now I’m on one knee in front of her. We’re at the park and have been swinging on the swings like little children. We do these kinds of things a lot, and I fucking love her for bringing the simplest things to life, making them seem so fun you wondered how you ever lived without them.

“Max.” She laughs, staring down at me, her eyes bright. “Stop messing around.”

“What makes you think I’m kidding, Blue Belle?” I ask, my face serious.

Her laughter fades and her eyes start sparkling with tears. “Max,” she croaks.

“You didn’t think I’d go the rest of my life without making you mine, did you?”

She presses a hand over her mouth and a tear spills over.

“Fuck, Blue Belle, you’re so damned cute it hurts my heart. I don’t think I could physically live any day without you in it. You make everything . . .” My voice trails off as emotion gets thick in my throat.

Shit, I’m not doing a good job of this.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the tiny ring box I have been carrying around for two months now, trying to figure out the perfect time. I don’t know why today became that perfect time, but it did, and I needed to show her exactly how much she’s changed my life during the last three years. She’s been everything I ever needed and more.

“Max,” she says again, her voice tight. “You’re killing me here.”

I laugh thickly and reach for her hand, bringing it down. “It’s basic really, Blue Belle. If you have me, I’ll do everything in my power to make your life the best it can be. If you won’t have me, I’ll probably die.”

She laughs softly. “You’re not giving me much choice, are you?”

I grunt. “Doesn’t appear so, but I only want the truest answer, the one from your heart. Will you marry me?”