Forbidden Falls

However, Jo invited her to lunch, then invited her again and again, and Nick was never around for these lunches that were dedicated to women-talk. In a little over a week of lunches, Ellie felt closer to Jo than she had to a woman friend since her grandmother’s passing. But when Jo pressed her for details about how this ex-husband, this stepfather, could gain temporary custody, Ellie fibbed. “I don’t have much,” she said. “I just don’t have the means Arnie has. I rented a small place in a so-so neighborhood while Arnie has a house in a nice neighborhood. Plus, I worked nights in a bar while Arnie’s trump card was being principal of an elementary school. I sure wish I knew how he managed that job—he’s not patient with kids at all.” She so hoped Jo wouldn’t hate her when she learned the truth, which she inevitably would. Ellie just wasn’t ready to reveal it yet, though she already felt great affection and trust for Jo.



“The bastard,” Jo said. “Where you work has nothing to do with the kind of mother you are.”



“Well, it worked for Arnie,” Ellie said with a nod. “But I think we’re doing all right at the moment, the kids and me. He’s letting them talk to me on the phone every night and I haven’t had another problem on the Saturday visits. He always gets in my face a little bit, but I never let him see me sweat. I did tell him a small lie, though. I wanted him to think he was being watched, so I said that I’d told the court where I was working and that I’d have letters from real upstanding, proper people saying I’m a good person and decent mother.”



“Oh, my darling,” Jo said, running her fingers across Ellie’s hand. “And you will! We’ll all write letters for you, if that’s what it takes.”



Ellie laughed. “Jo, I don’t know many people. I’ve been scrubbing, painting, hauling trash and answering the phone.”



“Is working with Noah going well?”



“It’s okay. Sometimes he’s a pain in the butt, but he’s fair and even funny. It’s busy every minute, especially when he’s away from the church, which is a lot of the time lately. I run from cleaning or painting to the office to grab the phone, back and forth. There have been a lot of hang-ups, by the way. I don’t know what to make of that.”



“Your ex, possibly?” she asked. “Checking to see if you really work at the church?”



Ellie shrugged. “I suppose it could be. But wouldn’t one call do it? Maybe it’s that nurse from Valley Hospital who’s chasing my boss.”



“Oh?” Jo said. “Do tell?”



They talked for a while about the nurse, about the fact that Noah was a pretty good-looking guy, and then moved on to discuss about everything from the price of gas to the fact that soon the leaves would be changing color as August aged and September loomed on the horizon.



“Ellie, do you think I could meet the kids sometime?” Jo asked.



“Really? You want to?”



“I would love to,” she said. “I mean, if you’d share your time. I don’t want to impose—I know you don’t get them often. But, let’s see—Saturday. The weather’s cooling. We could bake! We could make cookies and decorate them. We could color and finger paint. We could—”



“Jo! You don’t have kids! You don’t have all that kid stuff!”



Jo smiled patiently. “Just tell me which Saturday. I’ll be ready.”



Ellie was silent for a while. “Can I ask something personal?”



“You can ask me anything, Ellie.”



“Why didn’t you have children? You and Mr. Fitch?”



“Nature’s mystery,” she said with a shrug. “We were both healthy and normal, but I didn’t conceive.”



“Did you consider adoption?”



And that’s when Jo dropped her chin, and her gaze. “Nick wouldn’t hear of it. He said if he wasn’t having a baby of his own he wouldn’t have someone else’s, not knowing where it came from.” And then she lifted her gaze and met Ellie’s. Just that little piece of information changed Jo’s eyes and Ellie knew there was so much more to the story.



Ellie frowned and shook her head. “But adoption isn’t that mysterious or secretive. Oh, there might be one or two hidden things, but that’s a risk even when you have your own—that some little-known relative, or someone generations back contributed something you weren’t even aware of yourself.”



“I know,” she said. “But that was the end of it as far as he was concerned.”



“I’m sorry,” Ellie said softly. “Both of mine were total accidents. And it hasn’t been easy—but maybe I’m the lucky one. Of course, I have no husband, no father for them, no partner…”



“Nick made that decision a long time ago,” Jo said. “Things haven’t been the same between us since.”



“Oh, Jo,” Ellie said. “Oh, the son of a—”



“It was me,” she said. And then she was quiet.



“Look, it’s not my business…You don’t have to—”



“I drove him crazy, trying for a baby. Then I was getting into my late thirties, it wasn’t happening and I wanted to adopt a baby, but he wouldn’t even talk about it. He was adamant. I’ve never really understood. Oh—he tried to get me to understand that the whole idea of raising someone else’s child just didn’t work for him, and he was getting older and ready to give up on the idea. He was happy without kids. At least happy enough. The truth is, I’ve never forgiven him for that. For depriving me of that one chance to raise children.”



Ellie reached for her hand and just held it for a minute. Finally, in a very soft voice, she said, “Jo, that was a long time ago. Can’t you work through that now?”



“I gave working through it a serious try—for a couple of years I was a foster parent. And it should come as no surprise, within five minutes I was attached to the children I kept. And the ones I got weren’t easy kids, either, which almost proved Nick’s point. Then I was depressed when they left.” She laughed a little and averted her eyes. When she looked back at Ellie, she said, “These things get so complicated. I was angry, he was confused by my anger and maybe hurt by it, I was unforgiving and cold toward him, he didn’t treat our marriage with the same respect…It didn’t take long for us to fall into a routine where we get along, but there’s nothing special between us anymore. There hasn’t been for twenty years. We keep separate bedrooms.”



And he flirts and gropes, Ellie thought. “Oh, man,” Ellie said.



“Don’t feel sorry for me,” Jo said. “I couldn’t stand it. Now,” she said, brightening purposefully. “There’s still plenty of time in my life to enjoy friends and their children! If you feel like spending a Saturday just hanging around here, playing, having fun—I would absolutely love it.”



“You’re sure?”



“Ellie, having you around has been so good for me. When I first saw you, all I could think was that you’d tempt Nick and I’d be embarrassed again, like I’ve been so many times. But it didn’t work that way. Instead, we got close, you and me. Two women with odd pasts and a lot to overcome. I find myself telling you things I haven’t talked about in years. It would be a privilege to meet your kids, to have all of you for the day.”



“And Nick?” Ellie asked cautiously.



“If he isn’t the most polite person on earth, I will shoot him in the head.”



Ellie laughed at her. “Wow. A little fight looks good on you. Okay then,” she said, giving her head a nod. “Next Saturday it is.”



Ellie realized that despite the struggles she’d encountered along the way, wonderful people had always happened into her life. Her grandmother had been her angel. Her first love, Jason, had given her joy, and his loss was her heartache, but Danielle had her father’s sweet disposition and bright eyes. And Chip might be a big dumb loser, but Trevor was a gift.



Her boss at that club had been a real stand-up guy who watched out for his employees. A couple of old bosses still helped her when they could, like the lawyer she’d worked for. Her neighbor in the duplex had been there for her in ways she could never repay; a trusted babysitter was priceless. Noah, without a doubt, had given her a big break, at some risk to his own reputation.



And then, unexpectedly, there was Jo.



Saturday came and while Jo hadn’t gone overboard, she had been ready to show Danielle and Trevor a good time. There was chilled cookie dough, ready to roll, cut, bake and decorate. The kids finger painted at Jo’s big kitchen table. And there were books to read in the hammock strung between two huge trees.



Nick was at home, and while he wasn’t underfoot, he did make his presence felt between cutting the grass and watching sports on TV in the den. He joined them all for a nice lunch on the patio and joked with the kids in an affable way. To Ellie’s surprise, after what Jo had told her, it seemed they actually had a very good rapport. And what a loss that he hadn’t tried parenting—he was good with the kids, too.



Ellie got to thinking—this couple got derailed in their marriage over an issue major to both of them, and they had lost the ability to compromise. Ellie’s children had come while she was so young, and in such a shocking, scary way, she had never had to endure the frustration that some other women went through. In fact, before now, Ellie had never known any women friends who wanted children passionately and, for whatever reason, couldn’t have them. The closest she came to really understanding the plight was a movie—Steel Magnolias—in which Julia Roberts’s character risked her life to have a baby. That bespoke a desire so primal, so desperate, it was small wonder it could mess up an otherwise good relationship.



From the way Jo and Nick both interacted with the children, you’d never know they hadn’t been parents. And they seemed good together, as well; positive and even affectionate.



It began to fall into place for Ellie. She wasn’t sure, but it was possible that Jo and Nick had once enjoyed a strong and loving marriage. Then they had a standoff over adoption and went to separate bedrooms. Whatever their arrangement was—he worked and paid the bills and she managed the home—there was at least some residual fondness there. But now Nick was flirting with other women and in a very wayward and foolish way, making passes. Could he be lonely? Hungry for both affection and some bolstering of his self-esteem?



“This has been such a fun day,” Jo said to Ellie. “You know, I have friends in this town, plenty of them, but I don’t think I’m as close to some women I’ve known for twenty years as I am to you. There’s something different about having you here. If I’d had a daughter when I wanted one, she would probably be about your age. She might have children like Danielle and Trevor. I hope that isn’t too presumptuous of me, saying that.”



“Oh, Jo, that’s so sweet! If I could choose the kind of mother to have, it would be someone like you. Someone kind and stable and a friend I could depend on.” And she thought maybe Jo’s eyes had misted a little when she said that.



So there it was—Jo and Nick had parted while staying under the same roof, and the bitterness from their individual wounds had resulted in Nick’s bad behavior and sullied reputation, and Jo was lonely and unable to hold her head up in her town.



If they wanted to, Ellie wondered, could they unravel their twenty-year-old quarrel and rebuild? Was it possible?



Seven



When Paul and Vanessa Haggerty decided they wanted to settle in Virgin River rather than Paul’s home of Grants Pass, Oregon, he set up a part of his family’s construction company in Virgin River. It had proven a positive choice for them, but it did require that Paul visit his father and brothers for a company business meeting about once a month. Vanni and little Matt, now eighteen months, were almost always with him, but this time she wasn’t free to go—she was helping her cousin Shelby plan her wedding. So Paul decided to drive up on Thursday and come back on Friday afternoon rather than spend the weekend away from the family.