Forbidden Falls

“Sure. I’d like that.”



They collected their assigned children, changed them and cuddled them. As Ellie held Hannah close, she said, “So—not really connected to this one yet?”



Vanni took a moment to answer. “That’s terrible, I know…”



“It took me a while to feel like Danielle was really my baby. To believe I could love her more than anything, which was what my gram said would happen. Of course, I was just a kid myself. But if it took me a few days even though I’d carried her inside my body and felt every movement, I guess it’s natural for it to take you a little while when you didn’t have any relationship with her at all before she was suddenly living with you.”



“You don’t think I’m a terrible person?”



Ellie smiled at her and held Hannah tighter. “Vanni, I barely know you, but I can tell already. There’s not one terrible thing about you. Now—what do we have for snacks?”



“Yogurt,” Vanni said with a smile. “They love it.”



At four o’clock, with the beginnings of supper ready, the house clean, laundry done, children bathed and happy and Vanni looking pretty good, Ellie was saying goodbye. She gave each child a loud smack, making them both laugh. She clutched Vanni’s cast-off clothes close, very excited about them since they were a bit more conservative, though it killed her to think she had pleasure from the thought of pleasing Noah. “I’ll see you in the morning about eight-thirty,” she said to Vanni. “Let’s do it the same way—you answer in your bathrobe and I’ll take over. You can have the morning all to yourself. And whatever needs doing, I’ll do. You can have the afternoon, too, if you need it. Maybe you have shopping or errands or something. Whatever you need.”



Vanni’s eyes were round with surprise. “I get more than one day of this special treatment?”



Ellie grinned. “Baby, you get the rest of your life if you need it. I think Paul gave Noah a deal on the redo and Noah’s so happy I’m not around the church to make his life difficult. See you in the a.m.”



Ellie went to the church before going home. She found Noah in his office, and Lucy on the floor behind the desk. She stood in front of the desk, her hands on her hips.



“How’d it go?” he asked.



She frowned at him. “You might’ve mentioned everything had gone to hell out there.”



He stood up and cleared his throat. “A picture’s worth a thousand words? Were you able to help?”



“Of course,” she said. “But, buddy, that woman needs more than household help. She needs a miracle. Inspiration.”



Noah smiled at her. “That’s why I sent you, Ellie.”



“No, you sent me because you can’t clean and you don’t have anyone else.”



“And that, too,” he said. “Going back tomorrow?”



“It’ll be a lot of tomorrows before she’s good to go,” Ellie said. “Do not screw up the painting while I’m busy at the Haggertys’.”



After Ellie was back in her rented room, after a microwaved burrito and diet cola, she turned on the clock radio for a little music. And then she cried for her own children.



Eleven



The rest of the week was a busy one for Ellie as she reported for duty at Vanessa’s house every morning. Given there were two of them to tend the children and keep the house and laundry up to speed, everything went smoothly. Having a full-time babysitter allowed Vanni to run errands, have regular horseback rides for exercise and fresh air and, not least of all, have someone to talk to. It didn’t take Vanni any time at all to start looking more rested.



It wasn’t long before Vanni asked Ellie, “Now, where are your kids?”



Ellie took a deep breath; up until she lost custody of her children and went to work for a church, it had never occurred to her to lie. She felt she had to protect everyone—her kids, her boss, even herself. But lying was complicated. And painful. “Well, I met Arnie when I was all alone with two little kids, two jobs and very little means of holding it all together. My judgment must have sucked, because I married a real strange guy who was obsessed with controlling me. Talk about changing your appearance for a guy? Vanni—that one wanted me to dress like an old woman and never leave the house. It was so bizarre. Of course, I left him almost right away—we were married less than three months. But Arnie wanted me back. The only way he could figure out how to do that was to take a custody case to court.” And she explained the same details she’d given Jo Fitch.



“Ellie, wasn’t there help available to you? I don’t know—like welfare? Food stamps?”



“Sure,” she said. “If there’s anything worse than working two jobs with little kids, it’s trying to figure out how to live on the ‘help.’ Do you know what I qualified for? If I worked a job that paid eleven dollars an hour—a real find—I could get an extra two hundred and twenty from the state. You ever try to live on about two thousand a month with two kids? My money was long gone before I even got to things like clothes for them and school supplies. Just keeping a roof over our heads, usually two rooms, gas in the car and insurance, the lights on and a babysitter for Trevor, as well as a sitter for after school and evenings for both of them…Well, I never did get that far. After my gramma died and I didn’t have a place to live anymore or a babysitter, I just couldn’t do it.”



“Didn’t your grandmother have a house to leave you when she died?” Vanni asked.



Ellie shrugged. “My gramma had a little tiny house that she’d kept mortgaging over the years. Between the two of us—her retirement benefits and my income from two jobs—we could keep going. But when she was gone, I couldn’t make those payments. I had to find something cheap to rent.”



“Aw, Ellie. I’m so sorry. And that’s how you ended up married to that jackass?”



“That kind of sums it up. I thought Arnie would take care of us. He was so sweet to the kids before we got married, so hard on them the very first day we lived with him. It was just awful. He was only looking for some people to boss around—I didn’t see that till it was too late. He’s still looking for control. It’s a nightmare for the kids. But, we’ll get through it and then we’ll move on, legally, and get out of the pastor’s hair.”



“No, Ellie!”



“It’s okay, Vanni. Noah took a real chance on me, just so I’d have a good job to take to court and get my kids back.” Vanni didn’t know the half of what Noah had taken on—giving a job to a stripper who’d lost her kids? A woman with two kids with two different dads, both times out of wedlock? One dead and one in prison? “I just need my kids.”



“You’re going to get them back, honey. And if you need my help on that, you just tell me what to do!”



“That’s so sweet,” Ellie said softly.



“What I want to know,” Vanni said, “is how you stay so positive after all you’ve been through.”



Ellie shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t take anything for granted. Good stuff doesn’t come my way all the time, so when it does—like this job that will get me my kids back, this town, friendship, people like you who can accept me even though I’m a big mess—that means something. And my gramma used to always say, ‘Gratitude brings happiness.’”



On Friday, after four full days of togetherness while Ellie played mommy’s helper, they were talking about the weekend while the kids had their lunch. “So, does Paul work on Saturdays?” Ellie asked. “That’s my day with my kids, so I can’t miss it, but if you’re going to be up a creek, I can go pick them up and bring them with me. They’re fantastic and they’d love playing with the little ones. They’re very careful and I’d watch every second. Danielle is so grown up at eight. Trevor’s a little clumsy, but I wouldn’t let him do anything with the tots that would cause harm. And while everyone’s sleeping—I could help with laundry and housework.”



Vanni smiled. “You never stop lending a hand, do you?”



“I intend to see my assignment through. I might need a letter of recommendation someday.” She sobered. “Seriously, Vanni—I don’t want you to be stranded again. I can pick up the kids and—”



“No, no, don’t. Just have a nice Saturday with them. I’m all caught up, thanks to you. Maybe Paul will make it a short day.”



“Then I’ll see you Monday?” Ellie asked, wiping little faces after lunch.



“If Noah says you’re not needed at the church,” Vanni agreed.



Ellie lifted Hannah out of the high chair. She had fixed two bottles and the women took the kids into the great room, settling in. Ellie held Hannah, and Vanni held Matt.



Ellie cuddled Hannah close. She was a precious little thing, her dark curls so silky and her cheeks so pink. Her eyes glittered with happiness. She held the bottle herself, but Ellie could tell she enjoyed being cuddled. “My gramma used to say, ‘Hold them whenever you can, Ellie. Touch and the sound of your voice is everything.’ And even now, when my kids are so big, it still seems to matter to them. Another thing she used to say was, ‘All you really need to tell them is that you love them no matter what and that you wanted them.’ Being wanted is very important in life. I don’t think my mother wanted me, but my gramma did, and she told me all the time that I was her blessing, her dream come true.”



Ellie sat on the sofa and Vanni in the chair with Mattie. And suddenly Hannah pulled the nipple of the bottle out of her mouth and turned her whole body away from Ellie. She held the bottle with one hand and stretched her other arm out toward Vanni. “Mama!” she said, and smiled. “Mama! Mamamamama…” And then she turned back, put the bottle back in her mouth.



“Well,” Ellie said. “You might not be there quite yet, but she is.”



Vanni lifted her chin with a sniff, closing her eyes.



“The other thing my gramma used to say, ‘You’re not happy? Fine. Act happy and see if the right feeling catches up.’ And you know what? Sometimes that works.”



Vanni was quiet for a long moment, and then very softly she said, “Let’s trade.”



“Good,” Ellie said. She stood with Hannah in her arms, carrying her the short distance over to Vanni. She put the baby on Vanni’s knees and lifted the much heavier Mattie in her arms and went back to the sofa.



And Vanni held Hannah. Hannah snuggled close, putting her fingers into Vanni’s mouth while she suckled. Then the suction broke with her smile. And without quite letting go of the nipple, she said, “Mama,” in a very small, almost relieved voice.



And Vanni began to cry.



Noah was kneeling in the sanctuary on the sanded floor, inspecting some hardwood seams that might need repair. He’d have to ask Paul about replacing the boards before the floor was finished. Lucy was beside him as usual. It was that magic hour, about five o’clock, when the sun caught the stained-glass window and lit it up.



“Pastor?”



He turned at the sound of Ellie’s voice. She had never addressed him so.



“I thought you’d like to know about the progress out at the Haggerty house. Everything is spic-and-span, and I think Vanni is warming up to Hannah. I’ll go back on Monday morning, but I feel like they’re doing better than when I found them.”



Noah took several steps toward her. “Why do you look so tired? Was it real hard work?”



Ellie shook her head. “It was hard on the heart. That baby girl is priceless, she’s so wonderful. She needs a mother’s love. I think it’s getting closer, but it’s been a tough adjustment. I guess you knew that or you wouldn’t have sent me out there.”