I held the power button down until the phone went black, let it drop out of my hand, and hit the floor, breaking, I hoped. I didn’t want it anymore. Then I crawled in heels and washed-away makeup onto my bed and collapsed on my side, face pressed to the pillow and hand over my mouth.

It was over.

I didn’t stop crying until morning.

Chapter Eleven

BRIAN

Hand moving furiously over my dick, knees bent and spread with muscles strung tight, I arched my back off the bed and came in four shots onto my stomach, grunting with jaw clenched and nostrils flaring.

Eyes closed and mind focused on one person. One image.

Wild.

She was beautiful, a chaos of crazy red and pale skin disguised.

Perfection that tortured and teased me.

My girl.

My fucking girl.

“Cut!”

My eyes opened. I exhaled irritation and hatred for this place.

Fuck them all. I wanted to burn this building to the fucking ground.

“Nice work, Dash,” someone commented. It sounded like Eddie, the cameraman.

Slimeball. He’d jerk off half the time while filming, didn’t care no one wanted to see that shit.

Fucking degenerate.

I ignored him and pushed my legs out, stretched, sat up, and wiped off with a towel someone had thrown on the bed, then swiped my clothes off the floor and tugged boxers, shorts, and tee on, arms sliding through the sleeves as I shoved through the crew hanging back to wrap up.

I never stuck around.

I came, collected, and got the fuck out of there.

Not bothering to knock on Mike’s door this time ’cause I was on day two of no Wild and I was losing my goddamned mind over it, I pushed the door open and stepped into the office, ignored his whining protest of my disturbance and whoever the fuck else was in the room with him, snatched the cash he had laid out for me on the corner of his desk, counted it, turned without a glance in his immoral direction, and made for the door.

“Don’t gotta be a dick about it, Dash,” Mike tossed out at my back.

“Fuck off,” I growled, slammed the door shut behind me, and crossed the room to get to the exit.

Demetrius was headed to the office, caught my eyes as we passed, and tipped his chin.

“Didn’t think that shit was going to cut it, but you’re killing it on the site, man. People love watching you whack off.”

I ignored him, too. Didn’t give a shit about hits on the site or anything else Demetrius had to tell me.

Didn’t give a shit about anything except getting gone.

“Dash, you hear what I said?” he called when I reached the door.

I shoved it open and stalked outside, silent, exchanged the phone in my pocket for the wad of cash and scrolled to my recent calls, hitting Dial as I got to my Jeep.

My ass hit the leather the same time Sydney’s voice mail kicked on.

Her phone was off. Knew it was and had been since Thursday night. I’d called it enough to know. Left plenty of messages for her, not knowing if she was getting them but figuring not, doubting she wanted to hear my voice if she was refusing to hear direct from me.

I was in hell.

Worse off than I was a month ago because I’d gotten a taste of something good and I’d forgotten what good tasted like, and worse, the good Sydney gave me was better than everything I’d had stripped away the night I fucked up.

Sydney’s good filled my head and my heart. Blood warming and soul soothing. It pushed the deserving bad into a place I couldn’t focus on or feel because she held my attention in the tips of her fingers and the ridges on her tongue. She made things sweet and right with her laughter and sleepy sighs, her stories through those stupid emojis she somehow made cute and charming and the way she’d whisper my name and pleas to God when her hand moved between her legs.

Her good was better. Better than I was worth and she knew it. I knew it.

Didn’t change the fact I wanted her more than I could remember wanting anything. Ever.

How fucked up is that? I knew I didn’t deserve her.

Didn’t stop me from wanting, though.

The device cracked in distress when it struck the inside of the passenger door.

I started up the Jeep, pulled out of the lot with dust spilling off my tires, and headed to the one place I’d been fighting going to because I knew stepping foot in Whitecaps could seriously end it all for me, but I was desperate and stupid and gone.

Day two into my madness. I no longer gave a shit about consequences.

Throwing the gear into Park, I cut the engine and got out, the slam of the door still echoing in my ear as I ascended the stairs and tore inside the restaurant with eyes scanning for red.

It had been months since I came here. I couldn’t remember the last time. Jamie frequented and Cole tagged along when he was free, but I usually kept to eating at the shop or picking somewhere within walking distance.

Once I found out Sydney worked here, I definitely stayed away.

“Hello, welcome to Whitecaps.”

Not spotting who I was here for, I turned to the woman standing in front of me with a menu poised at the ready.

She was tiny. Chin-length dark hair held out of her face with a skull and crossbones bandanna, bright red lips, and black-lined eyes.

Vaguely, I thought I recognized her as one of the girls Wild was with the night she went Mike Tyson on a Corvette.

Her name tag read Shay in swirled purple and black marker.

“Sydney here?” I asked, watching her eyebrows slowly knit together.

“No, sorry, she called out. I think she’s still sick.” The woman drew the menu against her chest. “Are you friends?”