Futures and Frosting

I chuckle and pull her body tighter against mine, wrapping my arms around her. I try to keep my movements slow but it just feels too f**king good. I kiss a trail down her neck and start to swivel my hips in a circle. Claire’s fingernails dig into my shoulder blades, and I feel her entire body shudder.

“Oh my God, keep doing that,” she moans.

I should ask her to marry me now. If I do it while she’s coming, she probably won’t be able to say no. It would be physically impossible. Like performing a sex exorcist. THE POWER OF THE ORGASM COMPELS YOU!

“Oh f**k!” she cries as she pushes herself harder against me and lets her head fall back against the cabinet behind her as her orgasm builds.

Marry me, marry me, marry me.

“Yes! Oh my God yes!”

I wonder if I could pretend that conversation just happened outside of my head and convince her of it. Just start going around telling people she said yes. “Yes, Grandma, we’re getting married! What’s that you say? How did I do it? Oh, I was f**king her on the kitchen counter, you know, where we prepare food, and it just slipped out! No, not my penis. The question.”

I smack a hand down on the counter next to her to hold myself steady as I plunge in and out of her faster and harder, trying to banish all thoughts of talking to my grandmother about slippery penises.

It helps that every time with Claire is like the first time. Just without all the booze, virginity robbing, and not knowing each other’s names. I know more than ever that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I slide my other hand off of her ass and glide my fingers down to where we are connected. Claire lets out a gasp as I touched her with the tips of my fingers and draw her orgasm out of her. She comes quickly and moans my name, her breath hot against my ear. It's the sexiest thing in the world and my own release shoots its way up through my body and explodes out of me. I bury my face into the side of her neck and shout the words I’ve been worrying about for weeks. Well, I don’t shout them so much as muffle them really loudly since my mouth is pushed against her skin.

We clutch onto each other for several minutes, breathing heavy and not uttering a word.

Shit! She’s probably mortified I asked her to marry me while I came and thinks it’s just post orgasmic bliss or something equally as f**ked up. That’s why she isn’t saying anything.

I pull my head out of the crook of her neck and chance a look at her. She's looking at me funny, almost like she felt a little sick to her stomach just from the sight of me.

Oh that’s just super. The thought of marrying me makes her want to hurl.

“Um, Carter?”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” I tell her quickly.

I think it’s safe to say my humiliation level at this moment is at an all time high. My penis is still inside of her. Does she WANT to make it shrivel up and die by discussing this?

“No, I really think we need to talk about this,” she pleads with a worried look on her face.

I laugh uncomfortably. “Nope, no we don’t. Let’s just pretend it never happened. I’ve already forgotten.”

She pushes on my shoulders and holds me at arm’s length.

“Carter!” she scolds.

“I’m sorry, were you saying something?”

She huffs and rolled her eyes, clearly irritated with me that I don’t want to have a nice, friendly conversation about how she’d rather yak up a fur ball than become my wife.

“Cut it out! This is serious.”

As a heart attack. Or a penis dying in a vagina from a broken heart.

“I’m pretty sure we need to talk about the fact that you screamed 'MOMMY!' when you came,” she hisses angrily.

“Whoa that’s kinky, Carter! Who knew you had it in ya?”

Claire yelps in surprise and my head jerks around at the sound of Rachel’s voice in our kitchen.

“MOM!” Claire yells as she tightens her thighs around me in an effort to get us closer and shield the fact that we are still intimately connected.

“Tsk, tsk. Shouldn’t Carter be the one shouting that?” Rachel asks with a laugh. “Sorry to interrupt kitchen sex. Great idea by the way. Did I ever tell you about the time I had sex in the kitchen of a McDonald’s?”

Claire growls and narrows her eyes at her mother.

“Another time maybe! Just stopped back to get my purse that I left here,” she says as she takes a few steps over to the kitchen table and picks it up off of one of the chairs. “You kids have a nice night. And may I just say you have a very nice ass, Carter. Claire, don’t forget to do your kegels.”

With that, she turns and breezes out of the kitchen, and we hear the front door open and close.

“What was that you said earlier about neither one of our families being able to ruin anything?” Claire asks sarcastically.

12. Stinky Wiener Ticks and Twice Baked Potatoes

“Dude, she thought you called out ‘Mommy’? Oh sweet Jesus, that is the best thing I’ve ever heard! Seriously. You just made my week.” Drew laughs as he pats my back.

“It’s always a pleasure when my humiliation amuses you.”

Drew continues laughing and shaking his head as he works on the car panel in front of him. We have three minutes to do our job on the car in progress before the conveyor belt starts moving the car down the line again for the next pair of workers.

“How in the hell did you diffuse the situation? That’s what I want to know!” Jim walks up behind me to grab a clipboard off of the table and makes some notes, waiting patiently for my answer.