“So, Gavin, how are you doing today?” Lisa asks after she finishes the chocolate and finally gets down to business.

“I wanna play, this is boring,” he complains while staring longingly at the other children who are running and screaming around the play area.

“Gavin, be nice,” I warn under my breath with clenched teeth and a smile on my face for Lisa.

“Oh, it’s fine!” she tells me cheerfully. “I’d like to play on those toys too,” she says to Gavin.

“You’re too old to go on the slide. Your butt would get stuck ‘cuz you’re old.”

With the evil eye in full force, I glare at Gavin. “If you don’t watch your mouth, you’re going home to take a nap,” I say quietly.

“Naps can suck it,” Gavin whispers as he smacks his elbows on the table and puts his chin in his hands angrily.

Obviously, he’s already forgotten the Happy Meal and pop he was promised. God, if you’re listening, just help me not kill him. At least until we’re home.

“So, Claire, how’s business been going at the shop?”

I stop glaring at Gavin and hope that by some super mom power he will still be able to feel my wrath floating around him and keep his mouth shut.

“Business has been going very well. I still have to pinch myself every morning when I walk into that place. I am absolutely amazed that people actually want to buy things I make,” I tell her with a laugh.

I can’t believe someone is interviewing me for a magazine. I’m nobody. How is this happening?

“Are you finding it hard to juggle owning a business and spending time with your family?” Lisa asks as she typed away on her laptop.

“That’s the beauty of owning a business. Basically, I can do whatever I want.”

Lisa laughs and continued typing.

This sort of IS like talking to one of my girlfriends. Liz never pays attention to anything I say and is always busy doing other shit when I’m pouring my heart out to her.

“Can you elaborate on that just a little bit?” she asks.

“Well, if I want Gavin to spend the day with me, he can. I don’t need to find a sitter or send him to daycare when he isn’t in preschool. And if I need to close up early to take him to a doctor’s appointment or to go to a function at his school, I can easily do it without having to get permission from someone else or have my pay docked for missing time,” I explain.

“My doctor gives me cookies and stickers. His mean nurse is a wiener face and gives me shots,” Gavin adds.

Lisa chuckles, her eyes never leaving her screen as she types furiously.

Oh my God, please tell me she didn’t just type the words “wiener face” in my interview.

“In just three short months of being open, Seduction and Snacks is already turning a profit. That’s almost unheard of for a new, small business. What do you think is the key to this success?”

Do I look like Donald Trump?

I don’t know anything about anything. I cover things in chocolate and bake cookies. The key to success is pretending like it’s not really happening so that you don’t freak the f**k out thinking about it.

I answer her question as best I can without looking like a clueless moron. I tell her it's all about luck and how I honestly have no idea how this happened to me.

Lisa finally takes a break from her typing to look up at me.

“It doesn’t hurt to have such a famous son either, right?! Everyone I spoke with about Seduction and Snacks told me I absolutely HAD to meet the owner’s son.”

Oh dear God. Here we go.

“I’m almost afraid to ask what else they said about him. He’s lucky he’s cute or I would have put him out on the curb with the garbage years ago,” I tell her as we shared a laugh.

“You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!” Gavin shouts.

I quickly reach over and cover his mouth with my hand.

I should have packed duct tape and a taser.

“If you can believe it, I’ve actually been asked by several customers if they could take him home. If only they knew. A marine sergeant stopped in a few days ago on his way to work and joked that he should take Gavin with him to basic training. He figured Gavin could get the men to cry faster than he ever could,” I tell her.

She types with a small smile on her face, and I wonder if this will be my first and last magazine interview ever.

“As you know, we do a little research on the people we’re going to interview. Being from a small town, it’s no secret that you got pregnant and had to drop out of college. It’s a huge struggle to be a single mother. What advice do you have for other women who might be going through the same thing?” Lisa asks as she bends her head and goes back to clacking away at her keyboard.

Lovely. I bang a guy at a frat party, get knocked up, and have to work at a bar to make ends meet. The only other option available to me at the time had been pregnant stripping. Is this really something the people of “The Best of Baking” want to know? They seem like a conservative group - ones who talk about petit fours and balsamic reductions, not beer pong and vagina pounding.

“Um, yeah. I’m definitely not the best person to come to for advice in that area,” I tell her honestly. “I did everything wrong. Luckily, Gavin’s father is an amazing man and we were able to find our way back to one another. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.”