Girls with Sharp Sticks

That means they’re not on her feet. Where would she go barefoot? I walk over to the bathroom and peer inside, finding it empty and dry. She hasn’t showered today either.

“Where is she?” Sydney asks. Annalise casts a concerned glance in my direction.

“She must be with Anton,” I say. “He . . . He must have put her in impulse control therapy.” Lennon Rose was so upset last night, it would make sense if Anton was trying to help her reassess her goals. He didn’t mention it, though. He should have told me.

“Without her shoes?” Sydney asks, confused.

I tell them about my conversation with Anton. He said Lennon Rose was resting comfortably last night. “But I didn’t check,” I add guiltily. “I should have checked on her.”

“It’s okay, Mena,” Sydney says. “If Anton says she’ll be better than new, then I’m sure she’s fine.”

I swallow hard, the words not as reassuring as usual, although I can’t pinpoint exactly why.

“I’m going to speak with Anton,” I say. “See if there’s anything we can do for Lennon Rose.”

Annalise nods that she thinks that’s a great idea.

“If you talk to her, tell her we love her,” Sydney adds.

“Of course,” I say. I glance at Lennon Rose’s shoes again, their placement so odd in how routine it is. Like she’ll be back at any moment, the bottoms of her feet dirty.

My heart races madly, and it occurs to me that I’m acutely aware of my feelings. The sense that something is wrong. I’m reminded of my missing vitamins.

“Check with the other girls?” I ask Annalise. “They might have seen Lennon Rose last night or this morning.”

“Sure,” Annalise says. She asks Sydney if she wants to come with her. We walk out into the hall and I wrap my arms around myself, careful not to alarm the others. I’m certain I’m overreacting. When I see Anton, I’ll let him know about my missing vitamins. I don’t like how I feel right now, how irrational.

Annalise and Sydney head toward Marcella’s room, and I start for the second floor.

By the time I get there, my chest has tightened, making it harder to breathe. I’m scared that Lennon Rose is in trouble. And I don’t even know why she was crying.

I’m moving quickly, rushing ahead without any thought of restraint. I swing around the corner and collide with someone, yelping my surprise. Dr. Groger, stunned himself, laughs and adjusts his glasses.

“Philomena,” he says. “Why are you in such a hurry?” He takes in my condition, and then concern creases his brow. “What’s going on?” he asks more seriously.

“It’s Lennon Rose,” I say. “I’m looking for her. She—”

“My dear,” Dr. Groger says quickly. He glances around the hall before putting his hand on my back to push me forward. “Let’s discuss this in my office.”

He clearly knows what’s going on, so I nod, grateful, and walk with him down the hall.

Once at his office, he leads me inside and closes the door. He adjusts his glasses again, looking me up and down, before telling me to continue.

“It’s Lennon Rose,” I say, my voice shaking. “She’s not in her room. And she was crying last night. She—”

The doctor exhales heavily. “Oh, sweetheart,” he says. “I’m so sorry to tell you this way—Anton was going to make an announcement—but Lennon Rose has left the academy.”

The world tilts and I fall back a step. “No,” I whisper, horrified. “When?”

“Just a short while ago. Her father came to pick her up,” he says sympathetically. “The tuition rate was impossible for her parents to afford, and the stress was getting to Lennon Rose. Her health took a bad turn. We had to let her go. I’m sorry. I know you two were close.”

“We’re all close,” I explain. “But . . . she would have said goodbye,” I tell him. “Lennon Rose wouldn’t have left without a goodbye.”

“I don’t know—”

“And what about her shoes?” I continue, my voice rising. “How could she leave when her shoes are still in her room?”

“Philomena,” Dr. Groger says curtly, growing impatient with my questions. “I’m not sure of the details—the Guardian assisted. But Lennon Rose is gone. I’m sorry.”

My eyes tear up, the impact of the truth finally hitting me. Lennon Rose is gone.

“Now,” the doctor says with renewed vigor. “We’ll get through this together. Anton will speak to you all, and he’ll be available to talk privately later if you need to. And, of course, so am I. Anything you need, dear.”

He picks up a lollipop and holds it out to me. Like it makes it all better. Like Lennon Rose’s absence is a skinned knee he can graft over. I stare at the lollipop, and when I don’t take it, Dr. Groger clears his throat.

“Why don’t you head to your room now, Philomena,” he suggests. “I’m sure you’ll feel better after a hot shower.”

But I can’t stop thinking about Lennon Rose. I hitch in a sob, trying to fight it back.

Dr. Groger stares at me for a long while, and then he smiles and sets his hand on my shoulder, rubbing the muscle soothingly. But chills run down my skin at his touch. I take a big step back out of his reach, and the doctor furrows his brow.

Rather than explain it, I turn away. My body is shaking; my heart is broken. I need to tell the other girls what’s happened. I leave the office, and the doctor doesn’t call after me.

I hurry back to my floor as emptiness burrows deep inside my head, my heart. Lennon Rose didn’t even say goodbye.

Lennon Rose is gone.

The thought buries me. I remember the first time I met her—standing there with her straight blond hair and thick bangs. Her pale eyelashes and delicate hands. A voice so soft that Professor Penchant demanded she speak up because he couldn’t hear her. Lennon Rose looked terrified, and I ended up speaking on her behalf.

She waited for me after class.

“Thank you,” Lennon Rose said, still so quiet. She fidgeted, looking at the toes of my shoes. “I’m a little lost,” she said. “I’m not sure how to . . . feel.”

I nodded, understanding. “I was the same way when I first walked in,” I told her. “But don’t worry—we have each other now.” I threw my arm over her shoulders. “We’ll take care of you.”

She beamed up at me, watching me like I was the sun in her universe. And that admiration was only matched when she met Sydney. And Sydney and I did take care of her. We loved Lennon Rose.

But we failed her.

Nothing will be the same. Lennon Rose was kicked out of school over money; it’s not fair. She must be scared and lonely. I didn’t knock on her door last night. What if she was waiting for me?

When I get to my floor, I find Sydney and Annalise in the hall talking with Marcella and Brynn. Marcella’s dark, curly hair is dripping wet, and Brynn has her toothbrush clenched between her teeth. Sydney turns to me midconversation, and when she sees my expression, her voice trails off.

Annalise looks from Sydney to me. Her nostrils flare, her mouth a hard line. “What happened?” she asks, immediately.