"I really wouldn't call that flirting, baby," I tell her. "Don't get ruffled."
Lauren's nodding slowly as Damien, swigging a martini, shouts out, "Why don't you titillate me literally, baby," and the girls explode with laughter, fawning over him, and the entire room is humming around us and the lights of cameras are flashing behind every corner.
"I know you have a keen sense of the way people behave," Lauren says. "It's okay, Victor." She tosses back what's left of her jumbo-sized drink.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"About what?" she asks. "Your Bravery-in-the-Face-of-Doom nomination?"
"I'd be thrilled if you moved on to soda pop, baby."
"Do you love Chloe?" she asks.
All I can say is, "You look very Uma-ish tonight."
In the interim Damien moves over to us and Lauren lets my hand drop from hers and while I light a cigarette Alison spots Damien and excuses herself from Heather Locklear and Eddie Veder and prowls over, hyperventilating, and hooks her arm through Damien's before he can say anything to Lauren, refusing to look at me, and then she plays with his hair and in a panic Damien pushes her hand away and in the background the "cute" magician performs card tricks for James Iha, Teri Hatcher, Liv Tyler, Kelly Slater and someone dressed disconcertingly like Willie Wonka and I'm trying to be cool but my fists are totally clenched and the back of my neck and my forehead are soaked with sweat.
"Well," Damien says hollowly. "Well, well... well."
"Loved you in Bitch Troop, darling," Alison gushes at Lauren.
"Oh shit," Damien mutters under his breath.
"Nice dress," Lauren says, staring at Alison.
"What?" Alison asks, shocked.
Lauren looks directly at Alison and, enunciating very clearly, nodding appreciatively, says, "I said nice dress."
Damien holds Alison back as JD and Beau walk up to Damien and they're with some white-blond surfer wearing nylon snowboarding pants and a faux-fur motorcycle jacket.
"Hey Alison, Lauren," I say. "This is JD and Beau. They're the stars of Bill and Ted's Homosexual Adventure."
"It's, um, time for dinner," JD says tentatively, trying not to notice Alison vibrating with rage, emitting low rumbling sounds. She finally looks over at Damien's falsely placid face and sneers, dropping her cigarette into his glass. Damien makes a strangled noise, then averts his eyes from the martini.