My pout was all the admission he needed.

“I’m calling Sig.” He pulled out his phone. “You’re calling Brigit.”

I raised both eyebrows. “Brigit? Why?”

“Because you need someone to stay with you who has a hope in hell of protecting you against another vampire. And I trust her not to kill you.”

If I’d wanted to argue, it wouldn’t have mattered because Holden was already dialing. Since I didn’t get a chance to talk back, and there would be no point in arguing about it with Desmond, I got to my feet—ignoring the protests of my sore body—and found my purse, rooting around until I retrieved my cell.

Brigit’s number was programmed into my speed dial, and I shuffled into the bathroom while her line rang.

“Hello!” came the cheerful answer when she picked up. I didn’t know if she had caller ID or was always that happy when she answered the phone. Neither would have surprised me.

“Hey, Bri.” I sat on the edge of the tub, not ready to look at myself in the bathroom mirror yet.

“Secret. Omigod. Are you okay? What’s happening? Did Shane talk to you? Nolan said he was trying to get a hold of—”

“Calm down for a second.”

“Sorry.”

“Can you come over?”

“Sure. Yeah. Of course.”

“It might be for a while.”

“Sleepover?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes.”

“Cool.”

“Bri, don’t tell anyone you’re coming, okay?”

A pause. “Is everything okay?”

“Things are a bit weird.”

“Did you kill Lucas?”

“I… What?”

“Like, do I need to bring clothes I can get blood on? Or a shovel or something? I was watching Breaking Bad with Nolan, and you shouldn’t try to dissolve him in the bathtub because that’ll like, melt the tub or something. But it’s gross, so don’t do that.”

“I didn’t kill Lucas.”

“Oh.” Another beat. “Why not?”

I laughed now, and even though it hurt my jaw, it still felt good. “Because then I’d need to figure out what to do with the body. And people might actually miss him.”

She snorted. “I wouldn’t.”

Bless her not-beating heart. Every girl needed a friend like Brigit.

“Just come by, I’ll explain when you get here.”

“Can I tell Nolan?”

“Sure.”

“Hey, Secret?”

“Yeah?”

“Is everything okay?”

“No,” I admitted. “But it’ll be better when you’re here.”

“Okay,” she said brightly. “Is it the kind of bad where I need to bring booze?”

“It’s the kind of bad where a few machine guns might be more handy.”

“Oh. Okay. I think Nolan has one.” And before I could tell her I was kidding, she hung up.

Chapter Forty-Two

Brigit had taken my pulse four times.

After the second try I was convinced she just didn’t know how to find it.

“You know, I had a pulse before this.”

“Did you?”

“Yes. The heartbeat isn’t new.”

She dropped her hand and looked a little crestfallen. “Oh. Then… I mean… What’s so special?”

Holden had left at Sig’s behest. I didn’t know what they were planning or discussing, but apparently I didn’t need to be part of it, even if it was about me. Desmond was sitting in the armchair, leaving me and Brigit on the loveseat. I gave him a sideways glance and didn’t miss his amused expression.

At least there was something funny to come out of this situation.

“I’m human now,” I explained again.

“What were you before?”

“Half-vampire. Half-werewolf.”

“But you weren’t human?”

“If I’m one half each of two different things, it doesn’t leave any room left over for being anything else.”

“You looked human. I mean, you looked like you do now. Only with less bruises.”

It was taking awhile for Holden’s blood to work its magic. I’d already started to feel better, but vampire blood could only do so much. I wasn’t actively bleeding anymore, and most of the major swelling had started to go down. By morning I’d probably still look bad but less like I’d wandered out of the emergency room a week too soon.

“I wasn’t human.”

“How do you know you are now?” She sat back, placing her hands in her lap and watching me expectantly. Her long blonde hair hung in straight curtains over her shoulders, pushed back at the crown with a glittery pink headband. Her shirt was a cute button-up number in cotton-candy color, but it worked on her. Pink always worked on Brigit. Rio was curled up behind her on the headrest, purring loudly, having come out of hiding shortly after Holden left.

“I can go out in the sun. I can eat stuff other than blood. I can’t beat you up anymore.”

Brigit smiled. “So now would be a good time to challenge you to an arm-wrestling contest?”

“Now would be a good time for people to challenge me to anything. That’s why you’re here.” I explained Holden’s theory to her and how dangerous it was for me to be around other vampires until we knew what was happening. Halfway through my explanation my gaze drifted back to Desmond, and he and I stared at each other while I spoke to Brigit.

When I was finished, he was the one who spoke. “We could leave,” he said.

“Could we?” I leaned back into the loveseat, and Rio’s restless tail flicked me in the forehead. “I mean it, Des, could we? Just up and make a break for it?”

“Why not? What are we staying for? Not for Lucas anymore.”

“What about the pack?” I watched him and saw the moment he understood what I meant. “The pack is more than Lucas alone. It’s your dad’s pack, or it was. It’s your brother’s pack. It’s your pack.”

“What else?”

“We have responsibilities. Both of us.”

Desmond got to his feet and started pacing the living room. “Do they apply anymore, though? The pack was your responsibility when you were a wolf. The council was your responsibility when you were a vampire. Now you’re…you’re—”

“Nothing. Now I’m nothing.”

He crossed the room and crouched in front of me, taking my hands in his. “You are not nothing.”

Brigit sighed the way a dreamy romantic watching a good movie might.

“I’m not special anymore.” I wasn’t saying it to be melodramatic or mopey. The fact of the matter was I had become something utterly normal and average.

He kissed my fingertips and stared up at me. “What are you staying for?”

“If I leave, I put everyone here in danger.”

“People can take care of themselves. I’m worried about you being in danger.” He was looking at my face, and I knew what he saw. Bumps and bruises. Tangible signs I wasn’t unbreakable anymore.

I shook my head and pulled one hand free so I could touch his slightly stubbled jaw. “I love you. But we can’t leave. Trouble has a way of finding me no matter where I go.” Understatement-of-the-year award goes to…

“Maybe it’s time you stop worrying about other people and start worrying about yourself.”

“He has a point,” Brigit chimed in. “If you are human, what good are you? I mean, like, no offense of course. But you totally got your ass handed to you by a werewolf tonight.” She sneered at the word werewolf before casting a glance to Desmond. “No offense.”

“None taken?” he replied uncertainly.

“I’m not useless,” I argued. “I have training. I can still fight. Only now I need to find a new way to do it. Nolan isn’t useless,” I said to Brigit. “Shane isn’t useless. And they’re humans.”

“But they grew up learning how to fight,” Desmond said.

“And they know how to get beaten up,” Brigit added.

“I think I know how to get beaten up.” I pointed to my matching set of black eyes.

“I mean they’re used to it.”

“And I’m not?”

“You’ve never been beaten down so hard you couldn’t get back up again,” Desmond answered for her. “You’ve never had to wonder if you’d come out of a fistfight alive. And I’ve never been as worried for you before as I was tonight.”

That was saying something considering how many close calls with my life Desmond had seen me through.

“I’m not running,” I said flatly.

Desmond sat back on the coffee table, and Brigit looked torn between melancholy and joy. Happy to see me stay, I guessed, but sad I wouldn’t do my best to protect my own life. After what had happened with my mother’s pack tonight, there was no way I could run. Imagining what they might do to my friends to get to me had left me feeling cold and terrified. If I could keep them safe by staying around and keeping her attention focused on me, then I would do it.

“If you won’t run, you have to stay here,” Desmond said. “At least until we can figure out what to do.” The last sentence hung in the air like an unintentional threat.

What was there to do?

I could think of three options, and none of them were ideal. One, I could have a late-in-life Awakening and become a full-blooded werewolf. I definitely had the DNA for it thanks to my mother, and we’d seen I was able to turn. If I were bitten now, it would mean I could maintain my position within the pack and no longer have to worry about how my vampire blood factored.

On the topic of vampires, there was option number two. Let myself be bitten and become a real vampire. Heartbeat gone, pulse gone, but I would belong on the Tribunal. Juan Carlos could stop trying to unearth my secrets, and the council would have no reason to question my authority. No pulse, no problems.