Hard to Fight

Chapter Twenty-four

I don’t sleep that night. I toss and turn, I call Raide’s phone over and over, I leave pathetic messages, and then I give up and get out of bed. I plop down onto my couch and stare at nothing. I think about Raide, I think about Vance, I think about York. Am I risking it all asking York to help me? Is he risking his career? Am I risking mine? I curl up into a ball on the couch and close my eyes, focusing on taking deep breaths.

I must fall asleep because the next thing I’m aware of is the sun coming through the cracks in my curtains and warming my skin. I blink rapidly and peer around. Another day without Raide. Another day living with my mistakes. I take a deep breath and push up, letting my father’s words sink in. If I want to help Raide, I need to push this pain aside and find my inner badass self and fix this. Even if it means I’ll lose my job.

I run my fingers through my hair and stand.

I make it to the kitchen and turn on the coffeemaker. While it’s brewing, I dig through the fridge. I find a bagel and pull it out. It looks okay. I toast it and then slather it with butter, and then I take my coffee and head outside to sit on the porch. I’m midway through breakfast when a car pulls up in my drive.

Vance. I watch as he gets out and strides toward me with a hard expression on his face. I hate seeing him like this. I hate that I’ve put us in this position.

Inner badass, Grace. Suck it up.

I force a smile as Vance jogs up the two front steps and stops in front of me. Well, this isn’t awkward at all. He’s just staring at me, his jaw tight, his face an impenetrable mask. He crosses his arms over his big chest and I wonder if he’s waiting for me to speak first.

I won’t do it.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he finally rumbles.

“What do you want me to say, Vance? That I’m sorry? Because I’m not. I made a mistake, I am paying for it, but I’d probably do it all over again for him.”

It’s in that exact moment I realize that I would, in fact, do it again. I’m ashamed that it came to it, I’m sad I let down my team and myself, but in the end, if I was faced with the same choice, I’d do it all over again for Raide. This realization hits me hard and I gasp, pressing my hand to my chest. It seems so obvious now. So clear.

Vance ignores what I’ve just said. “You lied to me.”

I stare up at him, gathering my breath before saying, “No, Vance. I didn’t.”

“You did, Grace.”

“No,” I protest. “I told you what I was doing, I just didn’t tell you how far I was taking it. You never asked, so I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you.”

“It’s the same thing!” he barks.

I shake my head. I’ve had enough. I’m not going to be drilled from every angle for what I did. My punishment has been laid out and I’m living with it. What I don’t need to live with is guilt from Vance because of his feelings for me. And that’s what this is really about, it’s been hovering around us for years.

“This isn’t about my lying, it’s about me sleeping with Raide and protecting him.”

Vance jerks, and I know I’ve hit the nail on the head.

I go on. “It’s about unresolved feelings, it’s about you being jealous,” I spit, standing and getting in his face. “So don’t you come in here, making out like you actually care that I risked it all. What you care about, Vance, is that it wasn’t you I fell in love with.”

Silence.

Long, deadly silence.

“You’re right,” he growls. “I hate it, Grace. I hate that you gave him something I’ve been trying to get for years.”

“You know I’ve never felt that way,” I say softly. “Jesus, Vance, I never led you on.”

His eyes flicker and I see behind the angry mask for just a second, and what I see is pain. It breaks my heart. “No,” he rasps. “You didn’t. That doesn’t mean my heart isn’t in a thousand pieces right now. I love you, Grace. Loved you since you joined the team five years ago.”

God. No. “Vance,” I say softly.

He looks down, and I know it’s so I don’t see the depths of his agony . I reach out, placing a hand on his cheek. “I’m so sorry you feel that way and I can’t give it back—but, Vance, I adore you. You’re my best friend. I trust you. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t know if I can do it, Grace,” he says hoarsely.

“Do what?”

“Watch you with him.”

“Vance—”

He straightens and reaches out, cupping my cheek.

I turn into his hand and close my eyes.

“I hope he’s worth this.” Then he’s gone.

And I’m left standing with my heart a whole lot more broken than it was when I woke this morning.

* * *

I smile at York, who is standing on my porch, grinning down at me. I haven’t seen him a great deal in the last year, and I didn’t realize I missed him until now. He’s not aged a bit, and he’s still got the same friendly blue eyes I remember. His hair is now more salt than pepper, but he’s a handsome man, even at his age.

He smiles and his eyes crinkle at the sides. “Well, Gracie, girl—you grow up more every single time I see you. Pretty as can be, too.”

I beam. “I’ve missed you, York. Come here and hug me.”

He steps forward and embraces me; I take it in, sighing with relief. When he lets me go, I let him inside and prepare some coffee. He sits at my kitchen table and pulls out a briefcase. Then he starts talking while I work. Good old York, he doesn’t waste time.

“I know you know what Raide’s charges are, but I’m going to go over it all again so we’re clear. He’s up for trial for assault with a deadly weapon, he’s also a suspect in his sister’s murder case. There’s not a great deal of evidence, except that which was provided by Dean Smith.”

“Dean?”

“Kelly’s boyfriend.”

That’s his name? Dean? Yuck. “Okay, so where does that leave Raide?”

“It’s a tricky one. Firstly because Raide was found with the knife, bloodied fists, and two bodies at his feet.”

“He didn’t do it, York,” I say softly.

“I believe you, Gracie. I’m just stating facts.”

“So what can we work with?”

“There’s mixed DNA on the knife, on the bodies. Both men came in contact with both, so that’s been ruled out for now. Raide doesn’t have an alibi; he wasn’t seen leaving his apartment. We can’t use that. Raide said very little when he was arrested, which doesn’t help his case. The moment he was released on bail, he bolted. That also doesn’t scream innocence.”

I sigh and put my head in my hands. “Then what hope does he have?”

“His sister.”

I look up at him. “His sister?”

“Your dad told me that Raide was there because his sister had called and said she was being beaten. Raide did not disclose this when he was arrested. I’ve got someone looking into the phone records, I’ve also got her phone and we are now searching it once more. We’re going to talk to neighbors again, her friends, her employer, anyone we can find who might be able to confirm Dean was beating her.”