Hard to Fight
I try. I can’t wipe it from my face. “It’s impossible—you’re too sweet.”
He huffs. “Eat your damned dinner, lady.”
With a grin, I dig in. When we’re finished and we’ve shared a good deal of laughs and wine, Raide stands and stretches his hand out to me. I stand, too, and let myself fall into his arms. I love being here. He’s so strong, so powerful, he makes me feel so safe. He twirls me out and back in, and I laugh loudly. “Raide, you know how to dance!”
Again, he chuckles. “Don’t tell anyone.”
“I think there’s a secret romantic side to you.”
He scoffs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I smile and reach up, cupping his cheek. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”
His eyes crinkle and he spins me out again. I let my body go, and twirl back into him. Then, I let him go and find the music, switching it off. He tilts his head to the side and studies me. “What’d you do that for?”
I lean in close, pressing my cheek to his chest and closing my eyes. Raide is everything I need. He might have come from a twisted situation, but he’s found a way to complete me. I don’t want him to pretend. I want him just as he is. A man who steals flowers from his friends’ garden, serves me burgers and shakes, and dances with no music because he can see beauty without it.
“There’s this guy,” I say softly, “and he once told me you don’t need music to enjoy something beautiful.”
“There’s beauty in everything, lady. You just gotta be willing to see it.”
He’s right.
There’s beauty even in the things you can’t see or hear. You just have to open yourself up and let it in.
I’m letting it in.
* * *
I stare down at the gorgeous headstone. Raide’s hand is clutched in mine and he’s squeezing hard. I read the inscription and my heart aches.
HERE LIES KELLY KNOX, BELOVED SISTER AND FRIEND. TAKEN TOO EARLY. FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS.
Raide places a flower down, and a soft drizzle begins to fall, landing over us and making me shiver. I want to be here, though. I need to be here. Kelly will never be a part of my life, but she was a massive part of his, and he lost her. He deserves this and so does she.
“Do you come and visit her much?” I whisper, still staring down at his sister’s grave.
“Not nearly enough.”
I squeeze his hand. “We’re here now. Tell her what you’re holding on your chest, Raide.”
He looks over at me, and I nod.
“Let it go, honey. You have to forgive yourself so you can move on from this. You deserve to be happy. She’d want that for you.”
His jaw goes tight, and he stares down at the headstone. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me. I’m sorry I wasn’t quick enough. I’m sorry I let you down.”
My throat goes tight and tears burn under my eyelids but I don’t say anything. I let him talk because he needs to talk. He needs to let this go so he can move on. He needs to forgive himself for what happened to Kelly.
“I’m sorry you had to go so early,” he whispers. “But I know you forgive me, sis. You want to know how?”
I swallow.
“I know you forgive me because you brought me Grace.”
I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from crying.
“You lost your life, but you made sure I had mine. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have found her. She makes me happy, kid. And that’s thanks to you. I only wish you could be here to show her that fuckin’ beautiful smile of yours.”
I can’t stop it now; I hiccup and choke back a sob.
Raide squeezes my hand. “I love you, Kel, and I miss you every goddamned day.” He turns to me, and his eyes are glassy. “Thank you … She doesn’t have many people.”
I nod, swallowing. “She has you, honey. That’s more than enough.”
He looks down at the headstone again, and then wraps an arm around me. “Come on, it’s freezing.”
He turns me back toward the car, but I stop him halfway there. “Just … hang on. I left something behind.”
He nods and watches as I turn and rush back to Kelly’s graveside. I glance back to see he’s already gotten into the car, so I kneel down and pull a single rose from my jacket. I place it on her grave, and then I run my fingers over her headstone. “I never knew you, but I know what you meant to him. I know you loved him and I know he loved you. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I wish that we could have had the chance to be friends. I can’t give you much, but I promise you”—my voice grows strong—“I promise you, Kelly, that I’ll take care of him. I swear it.”
And I will.
Until the day I stop breathing.