Hard to Forget

I was just about to kiss Jax.

“Shit,” I say, leaping off his lap, looking at anything but him.

“Delaney,” he starts, but I ignore him and rush towards the door.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s Duke and I,” Nak calls.

Nak came too. Crap.

I open the door and see them standing there.

“All clear?” I ask.

Nak nods. “I’ve got a car parked behind the restaurant, and we’ve got security watching. Go back to the apartment, Kyle is there right now making sure everything is clear.”

“Okay,” I say, turning to Jax but not meeting his eyes. “Ready to go?”

Jax stands and walks behind me, his body so close I want to gasp, but instead I keep my head high and try to stop my trembling hands. Nak notices because his eyes narrow and he leans close. “You okay, Laney?”

I nod. “It was just…”

“Your first takedown. Go with Jax, take a breath. If you need to swap shifts with Kyle to come down from this, you can. It can be somewhat of a shock, and it might not kick in until later.”

“I’m okay, I’ll stay with him.”

Nak nods. “You just call me if you change your mind.”

“I will.”

Everyone surrounds Jax as we exit the hotel. We arrive at the car and when Jax is safely in, I turn to Nak. “Does he need to make a statement?”

Nak nods. “He will, but they’ll wait until tomorrow. I’ve given them information for now and told them he needs to process.”

“Thanks, Nak.”

He reaches out, squeezing my shoulder. “You did incredible out there today, Delaney. Jax’s business partners told me what you did—you saved his life.”

I try to smile but it wobbles. I take a shaky breath. Get it together.

“You sure you don’t want to go home?”

I shake my head. “It’s part of the job, Nak. I can’t run every time something like this happens.”

“It’ll get easier. You’re going to have a rough night tonight but next time it happens it’ll affect you less, and so on.”

“I hope it doesn’t happen again to him,” I say softly.

Nak smiles. “No, neither do I. Now go.”

I give him my best parting smile, and then I slide into the car. Jax and I don’t speak as we head back to the apartment, and when we arrive I radio up to Kyle. He says the apartment is all clear and to bring Jax up, so I do just that, taking extra time to make sure he’s safe. When we get to the apartment, and he’s inside, I exhale with relief.

Kyle pulls me aside. “What happened out there?”

“Drive-by shooting.”

His brows go up. “And you protected him?”

“Is he fucking here?” I snap.

Kyle steps back. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, Delaney.”

“Oh bullshit you’re not. Thanks for checking out the apartment, but you can leave now.”

I turn before he can answer, and a moment later I hear the front door shut. I go over and make sure the alarm system is activated, then I glance around the room. I can’t see Jax, so he must be upstairs. I walk into the library and sit on the sofa, kicking off my boots. My body is wound up tight, and I feel panicked. I need to come down from what happened, but I don’t know how to do that.

I wonder if Jax would care if I used his bath?

I stand and walk out into the main living area, looking up. Jax is standing near the balcony in his room, talking on the phone. I don’t think he’ll mind. I turn back to my room, gather some clothes and head into the bathroom. I lock the door and run a steaming hot bath, pouring some nice-smelling soap in.

Then I get undressed and climb in, sinking into the hot water. I sigh as it washes over my achy muscles, and I wonder how Jax is coping right now. He’s acting as though he’s okay, but he couldn’t possibly be okay. He nearly got killed today, and that would shake anyone up. I close my eyes and sink further into the water.

I saved a life today.

I thought it would feel good, but all it’s done is make me even more worried for the man out there. If they tried it once, they’ll try it again. Jax is in danger, I knew that, but this is the first time that has truly sunk in. His life is in my hands. If something goes wrong, and he’s hurt, it’ll be on me. I never looked at it like that, and the very thought terrifies me.

Do they all feel like this? Does it go away?

I try to focus on something else as I enjoy my bath, but the tension in my body isn’t easing any. I give up and get out, dressing in a pair of loose sweats and a tank. I leave my hair down and run my brush through it, then I empty the bath and head back out into the living area. Jax is in the kitchen. He’s gotten changed and is now wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a black tee.

He looks gorgeous casual.

He lifts his eyes and looks at me when I walk out, and I don’t miss the flicker of lust go through them. So it wasn’t just me that felt the intensity of our near kiss earlier?

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice husky.

“Are you?”

He holds up a beer. “I will be.”

“Hang on, I’ll join you.”

He nods and I throw my dirty clothes into my room for washing, and then I head out and join Jax. He hands me a beer, and we both take a seat in the lounge, staring at anything but each other.

“Doesn’t feel real,” he finally says.

I look to him. “What doesn’t?”

“The fact that I nearly died today.”

My heart breaks for him. “I wasn’t going to let that happen, Jax.”

His eyes grow intense. “You were fucking incredible out there, Delaney.”

I smile weakly.

“I was wrong about you, and I’m the first to admit when I fuck up. You saved my life and I’ll be forever in your debt for that.”

“I did my job, Jax.”

“Maybe,” he says. “But you still protected me with a force I didn’t think you had in you.”

I look down at my hands.

“I hate living like this,” he says.

I look up. “Like what?”

He leans back, holding his beer in his lap. “Worrying about every move I make. These men, they’re gutless. If they came to my door without hiding behind their guns and threats, I would beat every one of them to a fucking pulp. Instead, they’re hiding behind a surprise attack. Even the best of us can’t protect ourselves from that shit.”

“Does it make you feel weak to have me protecting you?”

He grunts. “Of course it fucking does, you’re not meant to be protecting me. I’m meant to be protecting myself.”

“You can’t be everything you are, and protect yourself at the same time, Jax. It doesn’t make you weak.”

He shakes his head with a bitter laugh. “My life was fucking great, everything was how it should be, and then before I know it, I see something fucking awful and now I’m trapped. I’m suffocating, unable to breathe freely.”

Poor man, this is obviously affecting him.

“It won’t be forever, Jax. You have to tell yourself that.”

He looks to me. “It’s already been too long. I’m going fucking crazy, kitten.”