I turn, stepping into the shower, and turning it on. The warm water sprays over my body, and I groan. Spike steps in behind me and wraps his arms around my middle, pressing his hard chest against my back. I groan, dropping my head back into his chest and just standing there, enjoying every second.

He runs his fingers up and down my belly, and I reach down, tangling mine in his. He lets me hold his hand for a while, before he lets go and reaches down, gripping the soap, and pumping some into his hand. He rubs it over my body, causing little whimpers to escape me. He finds my ass, and grips it again, spinning me and pulling me toward him.

“You’re an ass man,” I murmur into his chest.

“Babe, I fuckin’ love your ass.”

“Oh?”

“Always have.”

“Really?” I say, licking his nipple.

He shudders and grips my hair, tugging my head back so I’m looking up at him. “Stop lickin’ my nipple, my cock is gettin’ hard again.”

“Maybe I want it to,” I grin, grinding myself against him.

“When did you get so...adventurous?”

“When I lost the man I loved because I wasn’t adventurous enough...”

His eyes fill with guilt, and a little anger. “Yeah, well, past is past.”

“Yeah, but the past defines who we are in the future...”

He grins. “So smart.”

“I can’t help it, it’s the good breeding.”

He snorts, and I narrow my eyes.

“What?” I say, stepping back. “Are you saying I don’t have good breeding?”

“Babe,” he says, stepping closer and pulling me back to him. “I know you’ve got good fuckin’ breeding. I also know that you’re the only one that got the brains.”

“Cheyenne was smart...” I dare to say.

“Cheyenne used her looks to get what she wanted, don’t take brains to do that.”

“Yeah,” I say, quietly. “I guess.”

“No more talkin’ about that shit, ain’t no point.”

I swallow and nod. Part of me will always be jealous that my sister got him first; how can I not be? What I just experienced then, she probably experienced many times over. The thought puts a crushing pain in my heart, and I struggle to keep my breath steady. I’m jealous of my dead sister, and I don’t know if I can ever take that away. She had what I wanted, and the only reason I have it now is because she’s gone. If she didn’t die...

“Fuckin’ stop it,” Spike growls.

I look up at him. “What?”

“Thinkin’. I can see it, babe. I know what you’re thinkin’.”

“No,” I whisper. “You don’t.”

“You’re thinkin’ that I’ve been here with Cheyenne before. You’re thinkin’ that I fucked her the way I just fucked you. You’re thinkin’ you’re always goin’ to be second...”

I flinch, answering him without even opening my mouth. He snorts. “Let me tell you somethin’, and listen close ‘cause I will not be fuckin’ sayin’ this to you every fuckin’ day. If you can’t deal with my past, and what went down, then you walk away.

“As for Cheyenne, what I had with her was very different. Cheyenne didn’t fuck, she made love. Cheyenne didn’t share a shower, ‘cause she liked her own space and was in love with herself. There ain’t no comparison, and there never will be. I’m not sayin’ I didn’t love her. She was my wife, she was growin’ my baby, I fuckin’ loved her, but the emotion I feel with you was never there with her. You make my fuckin’ heart hurt. You make my body so fuckin’ wound up with need it aches. You make my fuckin’ days bright, and not one of those fuckin’ days has passed that you haven’t been in my head. Might have had her first, might have fuckin’ loved her first, but you’re the one who ends this with me.”

Fuck. Crap. Shit.

I hate when he says things like that, because it makes me feel childish...and maybe that’s what I’m being, childish.

“Not goin’ to live the rest of my life tryin’ to tell you that what I felt for your sister is different. Not goin’ to tell you every day that you and she don’t even compare, because you’re two different people. Not goin’ to keep assuring you that you’re not second to me, that in fact, you were fuckin’ first. You wanna be in this with me, Tom Cat, or you don’t.”

“I do,” I whisper.

“Then we ain’t gonna talk about this anymore.”

I nod, swallowing.

“We’re goin’ to get out, get into your bed, and I’m gonna fuck you real slow. Then we’re goin’ to lie next to each other. I don’t cuddle, but I will rub your hair until you’re asleep.”

Shit.

How can something so blunt sound so fucking sweet?

“Okay.”

“Okay babe.”

We get out of the shower, and he does just that. He fucks me real slow, bringing me to orgasm twice more, then he lays beside me, ringed fingers in my hair, stroking until I’m asleep.

CHAPTER 12

PAST - SPIKE

“Stop worrying about her,” Cheyenne snaps, rubbing her fingers over her slightly swelling belly.

“She’s your fuckin’ sister, sunshine, she deserves to know.”

“She doesn’t answer the phone, she doesn’t want a part in this.”