Heaven's Sinners

“She meant the motherfuckin’ world to me, but she’s gone and I can’t live the rest of my life alone.”

“So you pick her sister?” my dad hisses. “You disgusting piece of trash. It should have been you that died. I should have done it myself!”

“Dad!” I cry.

He turns his gaze to me. “You. You’re nothing but a slut. I am ashamed to call you my daughter. My beautiful Cheyenne is dead because of the two of you, and how do you honor her memory? You fuck her husband.”

His words bring me to my knees. I slowly sink down, feeling my body heave with emotion.

“You best fuckin’ leave!” Spike growls. “Now.”

“I hope you’re proud of yourself!” my mother screeches. “I hope you know what you’ve done. We came back to make things better, and we find you running around with your dead sister’s husband. You are disgusting.”

I cover my face and shake my head. My emotions are a mix of anger and frustration. I lift my face from my hands, and I meet her stony cold, blue eyes.

“I am proud of myself,” I scream so loudly that the entire bar goes silent. “I am proud of everything I’ve done, and that includes him.” I jab a finger at Spike. “He’s everything to me, and he was everything to me before Cheyenne came along. If you want to hate me, go right ahead. It’s not like I haven’t lived my entire life with the same emotion being tossed at me on a daily basis.

“I’m sorry Cheyenne is gone, but it isn’t my fault. It was never my fault. She wanted Spike, she pushed for him, and you can blame me as much as you want for that but she was a big girl and she made her own choices. I’ll never be sorry for being with him now, because I love him. I’ve loved him far longer than she did, and I’ll love him until I stop breathing. Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it’s disgusting, but it’s my happiness and you know what?” I get to my feet, my legs shaking. “I fucking deserve it!”

Then, with legs that don’t want to move, I walk out of the bar. I get to the parking lot before they catch up with me. My mother grips my arm and swings me around, her face wild with emotion.

Then suddenly, she lets me go. Her eyes widen and she takes a few steps backwards. I turn slowly, and see what she sees: Spike, Cade, Granger, Muff and about ten other bikers are standing in a massive line, glaring at her. She stumbles backwards, and clutches my father’s arm. Spike steps forward until he’s in their faces.

“You ever lay a motherfucking hand on her again, I’ll kill you,” he hisses at my father, and then he turns to my mother. “And if you ever call her another trashy name, I’ll knock you the fuck out. I will only say this once, so you fuckin’ listen, and listen good. Cheyenne made her fuckin’ choices, and her choice was me. She put herself in my life, and she chose to stay there. Ain’t Ciara’s doing, and it wasn’t my doing.

“I loved your daughter, I loved her with everything I knew how to love with at the time. I took care of her, and then I fucked up, and she’s gone because of me. I’m not sayin’ I’ll ever forgive myself for that, ‘cause I won’t, but it can’t be undone.

“As for her—” He points a finger at me. “—she’s been my fuckin’ heart since the day I laid eyes on her. She’s been treated like a fuckin’ dog by you two and her sister, and she didn’t deserve that. You have done wrong by her, and you fuckin’ know it. You will never admit it though, because you’re too fuckin’ selfish. You can call me every name under the sun, you can disown her and treat her like a dog, and you can think whatever you want about the situation, but the reality is that I fuckin’ love Ciara, and I’ve loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her. Don’t mean I didn’t love Cheyenne, ‘cause I fuckin’ did, it just means I probably didn’t love her as much as she deserved, and she did fuckin’ deserve it.

“The truth of the matter is that my heart has, and always will, belong to Ciara and there ain’t no fuckin’ way I’m livin’ another second without her because of shit that went on in the past.”

I’m crying, I mean I am blubbering and clutching my chest, staring at Spike and wanting to wrap myself around him and never let go. My mother pokes her nose to the sky and humphs, and my father stares at the bikers forming a line behind us. He turns to me, his eyes glassy with rage and part of me would like to hope, emotion. “If this is what you want, fine, Ciara,” he says. “But we won’t be a part of it.”

I swallow and stand up tall, walking over and taking Spike’s hand. “You never have been part of it.”

He stares at me, and then turns and takes my mother’s arm. She glares at me for a long moment and then turns and walks off with him. Just like that, my family leaves me, again.

Then I think of the people behind me, and I realize I’ve had the family I wanted all along. I turn to Spike, and he looks down at me, his brown eyes full of love and admiration. He lifts his hand, and he strokes my throbbing cheek.

“You love me,” I whisper.

“Yeah,” he rasps. “I was just a fuckhead and didn’t tell you sooner.”

I smile through my tears, through my pain - through it all that smile breaks through. “You make me happy, Danny. Forever.”

He leans down, gripping my face and pressing his lips to mine.

“Yeah babe, I fuckin’ know.”