Heaven's Sinners

“It should!” I growl.

“Well it doesn’t. Stop pushing the ones that care away, Tom Cat.”

“I’m doing nothing! I’m just living, Cade. Same way you are.”

“Not the same as I am! You’re fighting to fix something that can’t be fixed. You need to let go of this shit with Spike. It ain’t doin’ you any favors.”

“This has nothing to do with Spike.”

“It has everything to do with Spike, and you know it. He ain’t worth this sort of pain, Tom Cat. He ain’t worth the fight. He’s fucked up, he needs to deal with his shit before anyone attempts to make a decent man out of him.”

“When did you stop believing in him?” I whisper.

Cade flinches. “I didn’t.”

“You did, because the way you just spoke about him tells me you don’t think he can be fixed. I think you’re wrong, Cade. I think Spike is broken, but I also think he can be put back together.”

“Maybe he can, but it ain’t from you, sugar.”

“Because I’m not good enough...” I mumble.

“Stop that shit,” he barks, stepping closer and giving me a fierce glare. “You’re too good for him, that’s the fuckin’ problem. Spike is gonna hurt you, just because he can. Don’t be the one in his firing line.”

“I’m not in his firing line. Hell Cade, he can’t even see me.”

Cade tilts his head to the side. “You love him still, don’t you? It’s why you’re actin’ out.”

“No. I despise him.”

Cade snorts. “Okay, Tom Cat. Let me tell you something anyway, just for the fuckin’ sake of it, because clearly there’s so much more I can’t see. I don’t owe Spike anything, but I do owe you plenty, so here goes. Spike wanted you, before Chey came into the picture. Before everything went south, Spike had feelings for you. They went pretty deep. Do you think he would pick just anyone up and take them to work every day? I can tell you he wouldn’t. He was tryin’ and you were just seein’ him as a friend - all those years, and you friend-zoned him. He figured you wanted nothin’ more than that, so he moved on. He saw Chey, he fell for her and she became his obsession. What he did to you, it was fucked up, but it wasn’t just a revenge fuck, Tom Cat. Part of Spike wanted that...and then you ran...and you know how it ended.”

“You’re wrong,” I rasp.

My entire body is shaking, and I’m gripping onto the counter for dear life. Cade’s wrong. Spike would have told me if he cared about me. He saw my sister and from there forward, he didn’t look back. He never made a move on me, aside from the night we slept together. Cade’s wrong. He’s wrong. He is.

“He would have told me,” I whisper, feeling my eyes sting with unshed tears.

“Spike’s a fuckin’ hard man. He doesn’t throw himself at anyone, Tom Cat. You two were friends, but you always kept your distance. That told him you didn’t want him. Chey came along, and she threw herself at him. She went out of her way to get his attention and so he went with her, because he thought there was nothing between you two. He went on to fall in love with Chey. She was his first love, and she changed something inside of him, but Tom Cat, she isn’t who he wanted to begin with.”

“You’re saying...because I didn’t throw myself at him the way my sister did...that I missed out?”

Cade shrugs, but it’s gentle. “Sorry Tom Cat, but that’s just how Spike works. He’s not the type to chase women, he never has been. Chey made it easy for him, it’s the only reason he looked.”

“He looked,” I grind out, “because they all did. Chey had that effect on men. She was sunshine, and me...”

“Don’t,” he growls. “Don’t fuckin’ say anything about yourself. Spike thought you were the damned prettiest thing he’d seen in years, he spoke about you all the time.”

“How do you know all this?” I snap, trying my best to cover the emotions eating away at each other inside of me.

“Coz’ one night, a few months before she died, they had a fight. Spike came over, and he spat out a lot to me. He grumbled on about picking the wrong sister. We got talkin’ about it, and that’s when he told me he had feelings for you before Chey came along. He said it was your eyes, they used to get him every time...”

I snort. “That’s such a typical line.”

“Tom Cat, you have wicked sweet eyes.”

I look away. “What kind of biker says wicked sweet?”

Cade laughs. “This one. Hey, turn your eyes here, yeah?”

I look back at him, and try to hide my trembling lip. “He never even said sorry for what he did. I ran, and when I came back they were married. He never tried to find me...never tried to contact me. Then when Chey died, he just hated me and I don’t know why.”

“You do know why,” Cade says, his voice suddenly hard for his friend.

“No, I don’t.”

“Sugar, yeah, you do. You and Spike were friends for a long time. He fucked up, and you ran. You never said goodbye, you never even had it out with him. He never heard from you, he couldn’t find you, and so he went on and did what he did with Chey. Then, she died and he sees you again...after all those years, and what did you do?”

My heart begins hammering against my chest, and my throat constricts painfully. “I blamed him.”