Her Touch

Major would cut me almost as deep as Maggie. Part of me wondered if he was doing it just to hurt me, or if he was trying to get a reaction. We never talked about why I left, but I think maybe deep down he knew something either happened between Maggie and me or it was about to.

I wish I could say that I was able to stay away from her completely, but I’d be lying. I’m strong, but I have no power when it comes to my Maggie. I watched her every day. And I don’t mean almost every day, I mean every single day. I watched her go to school in the mornings to make sure she got there safe. I watched her go home in the afternoons, or out shopping with Alice.

I always kept my distance, and I made sure she didn’t see me watching her, but I couldn’t stop. I had to make sure she was okay, and selfishly, it helped ease some of the ache in my heart.

Being pulled in a hundred different directions was killing me when I was living with Major and Maggie. At first it felt like coming home and that I’d finally found the family I’d been looking for my whole life. We all fit together, and it was like my life was finally making sense. Then my feelings for Maggie grew, and they changed. At first she was like a little sister, and I felt protective of her. But as time went on and I got to know her, I fell in love. Hard.

But at least one part of my brain knew that she was too young to have and I needed to give it time. At least until she was legal. After that, in the eyes of the law at least, she could decide what she wanted. It was like ripping my heart in half, but I knew that this pain now could stop a lot of it from happening later. By moving out and giving her some space, it gave her the chance to see if this was some dumb crush or if she felt even a fraction of what I feel.

Time will tell. One month to go.

After I get dressed I drive to the spot near the high school and wait. When I see her Jeep pull up, I watch as she gets out and grabs her backpack before she’s greeted by a guy. I clench my fists at my side and grit my teeth, able to do nothing but watch this happen. She smiles at him, and it’s like a punch to the gut. All I want is to have that smile turned to me and for a brief second feel my sunshine. The long-lost warmth that’s been missing since the day I left her. I want it back so badly that my heart aches for it.

Thankfully he doesn’t touch her as they walk inside, and I let out a breath. I get back in my truck and drive to work, trying to push out of my head thoughts of her with whoever he was.

I roll my eyes at my own efforts, knowing that’s an impossible task.

Before I moved out, I’d already been looking for places to stay. I knew that at some point I would have to get a place of my own, and if I’m being honest, deep down I wanted to have my own place with Maggie. I don’t think I came to that truth until after I left, but looking back now, I was making all the moves so that when I returned, we could be together. I ended up getting a condo around the corner from her house. It’s just big enough for me, and maybe Maggie if she wants one day. I don’t allow my thoughts to drift to the what if she doesn’t possibilities.

When I get to work I wave to the guy at the desk and make my way upstairs. I asked to have my own office after I moved out of Maggie’s house. I knew it was a possibility that she may come back to volunteer, so I banished myself from the building and into the one across the street. This one they use solely for counseling, and it makes it easier to schedule my day. Even if it does mean that I don’t get to interact in the group setting like I did before. I didn’t want the sight of Maggie to tempt me into action, and I knew that seeing her there, seeing her smiling face, would have been too much.

I walk through the door of my office and stop short when I see a man in uniform sitting across from my desk. He stands up when he hears me and turns to address me.

“Lieutenant Strong?”

“Yes, can I help you?” I step forward, shake his hand, and indicate for him to sit back down as I take my seat behind my desk.

I don’t have anything valuable in my office, so I keep it unlocked. It’s not unusual for some of the people I talk to to stop by and leave a note for me while I’m away from my desk. But seeing a Marine fully dressed in my office had the hair on the back of my neck standing up.

“I’m Sergeant Lions. I’ll cut to the chase, sir,” he says, pulling out a folder from the bag at his feet and laying it in front of me. “Major Drummond has gone missing.”

“What?” I nearly shoot out of my seat, thinking of running to Maggie. But I stop myself, knowing I need to hear him out first.

“The information is classified, but what we are able to tell you is that he was working on a project for the Pentagon. It’s similar to what your experience was while under his command.”

When I was active military I was over reconnaissance, and Major was the one to gather the intel. He was our lead commanding officer, but he did everything from behind a desk. Most of the time. Every once in a blue moon he would have to go out in the field. This was rare, especially since he was a single father, and he was never put in any dangerous situations. The worst-case scenarios play though my mind, and I realize this man wouldn’t be sitting here in front of me if everything was okay. This is worst-case scenario, and I need to get my head together.

“Tell me straight, is he dead?” I clench my fists under my desk and brace for the impact of his words.

“From our intel, we have every reason to believe he is still alive. He was captured sometime within the last forty-eight hours, but he was able to contact us and give positive details that I’m not at liberty to share.”