Her Touch

“Sunshine.” He says my nickname like he’s in pain. I’m not telling him this to make a jab. I’m telling him this so he understands my friendship with them.

“He knows about you and me?”

“Yes,” I say instantly.

“But Alice doesn’t?”

“She doesn’t know that we are becoming a thing.” Two more weeks, I remind myself. Just two weeks and I’ll be eighteen.

“We are a thing,” he corrects me, and I smile.

“I’m worried that she’ll feel alone. My dad is gone, I’m with you, and Sam got a girlfriend.”

As if I conjured her, Alice walks into the living room, flipping on the light and freezing in place when she sees us.

I jump up from the bed. Alice’s eyebrows rise in shock, then a smile crosses her face. “It’s about time.” She keeps smiling, but I can see the sadness in her eyes. It’s always there. Why does the world choose to constantly go after the softest people? Alice can never seem to get herself up before someone or something is trying to knock her down.

“I should have told you,” I tell her, feeling a little guilty.

“No, I get it. It’s fine, really. I’m happy for you. I know how much you love him. How much it hurt when he left.” Her eyes travel over to Eli and narrow. I have to fight a smile.

“How about I make us all breakfast?” Eli says. Alice and I both say no at the same time.

“How about I make breakfast?” I volunteer instead, teasing Eli.

“Actually, I’m heading out. Got a few things to do. I wanted to see about finding a new job. Can’t just sit around here all day,” Alice says.

“But I didn’t think you knew what you wanted to do yet. Please don’t tell me you’re going to go back to your old job.” A sheepish look crosses her face. “Alice! Your manager was a pig.”

“I know, but I need a job.”

“Not that bad,” I throw back, but she looks at me like that’s not true.

“I’m going to apply at a few places, and I have some other stuff to take care of, too.” She shifts from foot to foot, and I can tell she’s hiding something. I want to push, but I’m kinda happy that she’s getting out of the house and not hiding up in her room.

“Okay. Dinner?”

“Yeah, I’ll be back by then,” she says, then gives me a small wave and leaves the room without even hugging me goodbye. I stand there for a moment, not sure what to think. Everyone deals with things differently, I guess.

“Come on, I want pancakes,” Eli says, coming up behind me and placing a kiss on my neck.

“You always want pancakes.”

He grabs my hand and pulls me toward the kitchen.

“Well, I had to live without your cooking for a year. That shit was rough. Too much take-out and ramen noodles is hard on a man after being spoiled by you.”

“It doesn’t look like it was hard on you.” I poke at his stomach.

“That’s because the only way I could take out all my frustration was by working out all the time.”

“Well, you have me now, and yet you still seem to be working out your frustrations.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m just working out another kind of frustration.” I turn around to see Eli’s eyes roaming over me. He turns away, shaking his head at his own lack of self-control. I have to bite back a smile, but I know what’s coming.

“I’m going to go take a shower and get ready.”

And there it is. Every time Eli gets that look in his eyes he’s out the door, trying to get away from me. It would drive me crazy, but each time I remind myself that it’s only a few more weeks. And on top of that, I know he’s never going anywhere again.

I make breakfast, plate it, and put it on the breakfast bar. I quickly go to my room to get ready as fast as I can before coming back down to the kitchen. Eli is already sitting and waiting for me to eat by the time I get there.

“Better?” I ask, and he nods, leaning over to give me a soft, quick kiss. I always wonder what he’s doing in those long showers. I have an idea, and maybe one day I’ll get to see it for myself.

“Eli,” I say, and he turns to look at me. “When the time comes, are you going to give me more of you?” My cheeks warm at how that sounded, and a mischievous smile lights up his face. “I don’t mean like that.” I smack his arm. I do, but that’s not what I’m getting at right this second.

“I mean that you never really talk to me about your past.” I reach up and touch the almost completely faded scar on his face, running my finger down it. Then I do the thing I’ve always wanted to do. I lean over and kiss it softly. When I’m finished, I lean back to search his eyes.

“Sunshine, I’ll give you anything you ask for. I haven’t told you too much about it because it’s dirty and dark and I don’t like to think about it. To be honest, I only just got away from it again.”

“What do you mean?” He’s not in the military anymore.

“Nightmares. They came back.”

“I didn’t know you had nightmares,” I say, hating I didn’t know that about him. I’m happy that he’s telling me now, though.

“I did. Right after that bomb blew up on me and my men. It almost killed all of us. The nightmares are echoes of it—hearing people scream into the darkness and not being able to do anything about it.”