“It wasn’t—it wasn’t like that.”

“You made me happy, Dani. Do you want me to let you off the hook and say that I only loved the idea of you and not you? Do you want me to cheapen what I thought we had?”

“I wasn’t right.” Her voice was hoarse. The memories were flooding in.

“I knew you weren’t right!” Boone scooted to the edge of his couch. “I’m not stupid. I saw things, like when you’d get up the middle of the night and just look out the window for hours. I saw all of that. I knew you had your own demons, but I figured you’d let me in after a while.” His voice quieted. “I wanted to make you happy, too.”

“I…I…” The waves—she could hear them crashing down again. The crying. Screaming. Her throat swelled even farther. Tears threatened to spill, and she hated it. She hated crying. She hated that just like that a mere conversation could bring it back.

No.

No.

Her vision grew restricted. She couldn’t see anything. It was all blurry. Ducking her head down, she inhaled. In, hold, five, four, three, two, one. Out, five, four, three, two, one. In and repeat. In. Hold. Out. Hold. She kept going until the crushing sensation on her chest lifted.

She could see Boone again, and he was waiting.

He asked, “Are you okay?”

She nodded.

“I didn’t know you still had the attacks.”

“They’ve gotten better.” Since Jonah. She cleared her throat. “You wanted from me what I couldn’t give. And you might’ve thought you were okay with it, that there was no pressure—you’ll love me enough for us both, but it never ends like that. I knew that. I was locked down. We barely talked the last six months. Did you know that?”

“I know.”

“I kept thinking the reason I felt so awful was from how it ended. I took the coward’s way out, but maybe something was wrong with us, and it wasn’t just me. I had no idea about that girl, or your family.”

“We never talked about our pasts.”

“That’s what I’m saying. Both of us didn’t say anything. I thought that was the agreement, but I was still running away, even after ten years. I shouldn’t have been in a serious relationship, and part of me didn’t realize how serious we even were. I didn’t think we were marriage serious.”

“I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“No.” She never gave him any indication of that. She was just trying to survive each day.

“Was it just sex? Was I just convenient?”

“It’s not like that. I’m lying there, in a hospital bed, trying to wrap my mind around what I’d just gone through, and you come in with this shiny engagement ring. What was I supposed to do?”

“Tell me that it was too much.”

“You were supposed to know I was hurting. You were supposed to know how to comfort me, but you didn’t. The other person is supposed to know.”

“I’m not a mind reader, Dani.”

“Because you should’ve known about my past. I should’ve known about yours if a ring and a future come into the conversation. I’ve been wracked with guilt because I ran, but you were running, too.”

“It takes one to ruin a relationship.”

“We were two half-people trying to fit together.” Dani hugged herself to ward off the chill. “You weren’t whole, and I wasn’t whole.” All the fight left her. Her shoulders slumped down. She said so quietly, “And that was the problem.”

Boone gestured toward inside. “So, those two guys in there, would they know? Your ex of how many years? All your childhood. Would he have known? Or Bannon?”

He didn’t want to hear the truth. Jonah would’ve known. Jonah did know, even without dating her. Jake would’ve known, too. But Boone hadn’t, and it was because he was hurting like her. Half of him was gone, but that half wasn’t missing because of her. She thought it was all her. He was hurting because of what she did, but that wasn’t true either. It was him. It was his family. It was what they were doing. That, and probably other reasons she didn’t know.

“You were trying to cover up your emptiness with me.” She didn’t have enough to fill his void. “You needed someone who is brimming with life. Someone not hurting, not trying to deal with their own haunts. That wasn’t me.” She looked back at the rain. It was so dark outside. “We weren’t supposed to be together.”

“I’m here for a reason. You’re here for a reason. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.” His voice rose. His eyes were brimming with hope. “I love you now, and I loved you back then. Maybe I wanted the future, and I was too selfish to really look at you, I don’t know. Maybe what you say is true, but it’s you. I don’t think it’s ever going to be not you.”

Her eyes closed.

“I love you, and I want another chance.”

She exhaled.

Dani stood. “You’re not that guy for me.”

He held a hand out to her, stopping her. “Okay. I’m not asking for anything. I’m just telling. I’m telling you that I love you.” His eyes warmed, becoming tender. “You’re always going to be that for me.”

This man saw her at her worst. He had been there for her, but it was too late. She was too damaged then, and now—“I’m with Jonah.”