“I don’t want any blood. I don’t want anything. Just—some water, maybe.”

Really, I didn’t even want the water, but at least that way Lucas could feel like he’d done something for me.

The passage of time meant nothing to me; I didn’t go outside at all. Lucas called in sick to work; I was scared he’d get fired, but then again, maybe a chop shop didn’t expect every single employee to show up every day. When I asked him about it, Lucas nodded. “Places that break the law don’t usually get too excited about enforcing the rules. Don’t worry about me, okay, Bianca? Just take care of yourself.”

But how was I supposed to do that?

That night, Lucas went out to fetch some more groceries, returning in record time with paper bags he tossed on the table and seemed to forget about. “Hey,” he said. “Were you able to look at your book?”

“A little.” He’d found a paperback copy of Jane Eyre earlier that day and brought it to me, but I felt too dizzy and weary even to read. The black type against the white pages seemed to burn my eyes.

Lucas nodded and sat in the chair. I wondered if he sat there now because he wanted more distance from me than he could get if he sat on the side of the bed, or because he wanted a better look at my face. He sat staring at the floor, his forearms on his knees. One foot scuffed against the floor, back and forth, revealing the agitation he had otherwise fought so hard to hide.

“Whatever you want to say,” I whispered, “just say it.”

“I sent a letter to Balthazar today,” Lucas said. “I e-mailed Vic, too, and asked him if there was any way possible he could come home, or maybe Ranulf, even. Maybe one of them will show up soon and know something to do.”

Vic wouldn’t be able to help, and I suspected that Balthazar had already given us all the answers he could. As for Ranulf—well, he’d been around awhile, so who knew what he’d learned? But I doubted there was any way out of this situation. Whether he knew it or not, Lucas had summoned them because he needed support. “That’s good,” I said.

Lucas shook his head. “I never should’ve taken you away from Evernight.”

“How can you say that?” I tried to sit up, but dizziness overtook me. Instead I settled for propping up on one arm. “I wanted to leave. I was the one who asked you!”

“Wouldn’t have mattered if you’d begged me. I still shouldn’t have done it.” He raked his fingers through his bronze hair, like he wanted to tear at it. “Your parents knew what was going on. So what if they lied about it? At least they would’ve known what to do. At least they could’ve taken care of you. And I can’t. The only thing I want in the world is to make you well, and I can’t.”

“Stop it. Lucas—what’s happening to me—it’s part of who I am. Part of what I was born to be. Our running away didn’t make this happen.”

“But your parents could’ve made it stop.”

“We don’t know that. The only thing we do know is that they would’ve tried to convince me to become a full vampire, and I don’t want that. Not even now.”

Lucas wouldn’t be consoled that easily. “You’ve been on the run. In danger. You haven’t had enough money to do what you wanted to do, even eat what you wanted to eat—I told you I’d take care of you. And I let you down.”

“You never let me down.” I had to make him understand. This was one of the only things in the world that I knew to be true. “These past two months with you have been the best of my whole life. Even with Charity after us, even when we were stuck with Black Cross—it was worth it, because we were together.”

He hid his face in his hands. “I’d give it up to make you well.”

“I wouldn’t. And it was always my decision, not yours. I didn’t make a mistake.” When Lucas finally lifted his face to look at me, I smiled at him. “I would do it again. A hundred times over, I’d do it all again to be with you.”

Lucas came to me and held me close. For that moment, that was the only courage I needed.

When I awakened in the middle of that night, though, it became harder to be brave.

“Hold on, okay?” Lucas braced me against his chest, rubbing my back. “Just hold on.”

“I can’t!” My body shook uncontrollably. It wasn’t a seizure, because I still knew who and where I was, and I could move; I just couldn’t stop shaking. It had begun in my sleep, waking Lucas before it woke me. He’d had to shout my name a few times before I fully regained consciousness.

“Please, Bianca. Please.”

“I can’t stop, I can’t stop—”

“You don’t have to stop. Don’t beat yourself up. Just ride it out. I’m here with you. Okay?”

“Okay,” I gasped. But the shaking didn’t end for almost an hour, and by the time it did, I was so exhausted that I felt like I’d never move again.

One thing was for sure: After that, Lucas and I were both much too fried to even think about sleeping.

Once we could no longer deny that it was morning, I asked Lucas to find a pen and paper for me, which he did. Dark shadows circled his eyes, and his skin was ashen. I wanted so badly to be able to take care of him, instead of lying here helpless.

I let Lucas prop me up on a couple of pillows. Then, despite my trembling hands, I managed to write a short note.