Hourglass

Mom and Dad,

If you get this letter, it means that—

I had to pause there. I knew what I should write, but I wasn’t strong enough to do it. Imagining my parents reading those words was too much for me.

—I can’t come home to you anymore. Lucas has promised that he would send it, if anything happened to me.

I realize you thought you were doing the right thing, telling Mrs. Bethany about my last e-mail. I don’t blame you for trying to find me again, especially now that I understand how scared you must have been. But that was why I couldn’t reach out to you afterward. It would have put Lucas in danger, and I couldn’t do that.

Please don’t be angry with Lucas about this. He has been wonderful to me, and given me everything he could. I’ve been so happy with him this summer. I think if you could have seen us together, and known what it was like for me, you would understand. This is the first time I’ve realized what it’s really like for you two, the way that you love each other no matter what. Lucas and I had that, even if it was only for a few months. I know someday you’ll be thankful to know I had that, too.

I love you both so much. Thank you for all the things you did for me. Even through all the arguments we had, and the separation between us now, I’ve always known I had the best parents in the whole world.

Love,

Bianca

That day passed in a haze for me. I drifted in and out of sleep—at least, sometimes it was sleep. Sometimes it was unconsciousness. I couldn’t tell them apart any longer.

Although I felt feverish, I knew that actually my body had become very cold; I could tell from the way Lucas’s touch seared like fire every time he mopped my forehead or held my hand. My sweaty limbs tangled in the sheets, and I pawed restlessly at the strands of my hair that stuck to my neck and back. Nothing seemed entirely real for a very long while.

Instead I wandered through memories, all of them disjointed and unconnected to any of the others. Most of the memories were happy, so I was content to let my mind drift. One moment, I was walking down the streets of New York with Raquel, laughing about how our muscles ached from the morning’s workout. The next, I was back at Arrowwood, and Mom was proudly putting the finishing touching on my fairy princess costume for Halloween. Then I was at Evernight, letting Patrice give me a manicure that matched hers, so both of our nails shone in soft lilac. Or in the fencing hall, facing Balthazar, who was letting me off so easy that he laughed even as he wielded his sword.

Or in the diner with Vic and Ranulf as they sat side by side in their Hawaiian shirts. Or in the van with Dana as she cranked up the radio and sang along.

In the woods with my father, listening to hooting owls and talking about why I needed to stay at Evernight Academy.

In Riverton with Lucas, cradling the jet brooch he’d given me, and looking up at him with all the gratitude and love in the world.

Why would I ever want to come back from that?

When my mind finally cleared, I realized it was nighttime. I had no idea whether it was just past dusk or two in the morning. Groggily, I turned my head, seeking Lucas. He stood by my bedside, his face pale. When our eyes met, I smiled, but he did not.

“Hey,” I whispered. “How long was I out?”

“Too long.” Lucas slowly knelt down. His face was more or less even with mine. “Bianca, I don’t want to scare you, but—what’s happening to you—”

“I know. I can feel it.”

Our eyes met, and the pain in his eyes almost outweighed the fear and sadness I felt for myself. He closed his eyes and lifted his face toward the ceiling; if I hadn’t known better, I would have thought he was praying.

Then he said, “I want you to drink from me.”

“I’m not hungry for blood,” I whispered.

“You don’t understand.” Lucas took an uneven breath.

“Bianca, I want you to drink from me until I’m dead. I want you to change. I want you to become a vampire.”

The shock left me powerless to speak for a moment. I could only gape at him in astonishment.

“You turned away from being a vampire a long time ago, I know,” Lucas said. He clasped one of my hands in his. “But this looks like your only choice. If that’s what it takes to save you, it’s not so bad, is it? You could go back to your parents. Be young and beautiful forever.”

It wasn’t as simple as that, and we both knew it. But if Lucas was really ready to take this step with me, I could consider it. “You would become a vampire, too,” I said. “We’d make the change together. Can you do that?”

Lucas shook his head. “No.”

“What?”

“Bianca, you have to promise me—you have to swear on everything that means anything to you—when I’m dead, before I come to, you have to destroy me. Don’t let me rise again as a vampire. I’m willing to die.”

So he could accept my transformation, but not his own. The fragile hope I’d felt for a few seconds shattered.

Lucas tugged at the neck of his shirt, exposing his neck. Quietly, he repeated, “Drink from me.”

“You want me to kill you,” I whispered. “You’d give up your life to save me.”

He gave me this look like that was so obvious, so necessary, and tears welled in my eyes.

“I know what I’m doing,” he said. The shadows in the room framed his face; it seemed as if the light in the room was drawn only to him. “I’m ready. The last thing I’ll ever know is that you’re going to be okay. That’s all I need.”