Jed Had to Die

“So, the pie plate you found in the woods by the dead raccoons yesterday really was Emma Jo’s, but you already know that since her stupid name was stamped on the bottom of it,” I explain with a roll of my eyes, remembering how ridiculous we behaved yesterday in the woods.

Taking another fortifying deep breath, I spit out everything else in one never ending sentence before I lose my nerve and try to distract him with sex again. Something tells me it might not work this time. Leo is in uniform and he means business.

“We baked a blueberry pie in it the night Jed was killed, but not just any blueberry pie. It might have had an entire bottle of Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner mixed in, and we had a lot of wine that night and left it on the kitchen windowsill to cool, and the next morning it was gone, and then Jed’s body was found in the backyard, and we freaked out thinking he took the pie and ate it and then died in the backyard, and then Buddy came over and said it smelled like someone had baked a blueberry pie, and we freaked out even more, and then the whole town started blaming me for the murder, and we heard some rumors about people in town getting into arguments with Jed, so we made a list of other possible murder suspects in case it turned out we didn’t really kill him with a poisoned pie, but I couldn’t get any of the suspects or anyone else in town to talk to me because they hate me, and then you found the dead raccoons and the pie plate, and we were so happy to find out we didn’t kill Jed with a poisoned pie that we drank way too much wine last night while going back over our murder suspect list,” I finish, taking in a gasping breath of air and letting it out with a whistle. “Whew, so, that’s that. Want me to make you some breakfast?”

I look at him hopefully, realizing quickly when I see a muscle tick in his jaw that I won’t be able to distract him with sex OR slop. He’s back to staring at the ceiling and he does it for so long that I start to worry his head exploded or his heart gave out, going by how silent and still he is.

“Really, the one to blame in all of this is the wine. It’s all cool and yummy and then it forces you to make poor life choices, like keeping important things from the guy you’re-”

“Stop talking,” Leo cuts me off in a low, gruff voice, his eyes still up to the heavens.

He sounds a little scary right now, but I’m too busy being grateful he cut me off when he did, because I almost said something completely insane like “Keeping important things from the guy you’re falling in love with.”

And I couldn’t even blame the wine for that almost-slip.

Leo continues staring up at the ceiling in Emma Jo’s spare bedroom until I can’t stand the silence anymore and I have to say something.

“Are you having an aneurism? Your eye is doing a funny, twitching thing.”

He gives me the silent treatment for a few more minutes before doing something completely unexpected.

He laughs.

And not just one of his usual, low chuckles. This one is a head tossed back, full belly roar of amusement and it goes on a lot longer than the uncomfortable ceiling stare.

“It’s not that funny,” I complain, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Oh, believe me, it’s not funny at all. Nothing about this situation is funny but if I don’t laugh, I might be tempted to throw you over my knee and spank the hell out of you for keeping this shit from me,” he replies, the laughter finally dying out. “I’m the sheriff, Payton. I was elected to keep this town safe, and the people here have been counting on me to solve Jed’s murder, and while I was busy working my ass off to do that and working my ass off to get close to you, you were busy covering up a murder and lying to me about it.”

I bite my bottom lip nervously and have to swallow a few times to stop myself from crying.

“Well, when you put it that way, it does sound kind of bad,” I reply sheepishly. “Can we go back to the spanking thing? I’d like to know more about that.”

My attempt at lightening the situation doesn’t work. Leo pushes himself up from the bed and starts pacing in the middle of the room, running his hands through his hair while he curses and grumbles under his breath.

“Okay, now it’s your turn to talk. I don’t like all of this pacing and mumbling. It’s making me nervous,” I tell him.

He finally stops his manic movement, sighs deeply and comes back over to sit down next to me on the bed.

“Payton, Jed wasn’t poisoned.”

I laugh and roll my eyes at him.

“Yeah, I know that. Did you already forget about the dead raccoons and the missing pie?” I reply.

“No, I mean, I’ve always known he wasn’t poisoned. Like, as soon as Billy Ray rolled his body over,” Leo informs me. “Maybe if you would have trusted me and told me about what was going on a lot sooner, you could have avoided all the freaking out, wine drinking and poor decisions.”

I throw my hands up in the air with a huff and glare at him.

“How in the hell was I supposed to know? You haven’t said anything to me or Emma Jo about the autopsy or what’s been going on with the investigation. We’ve had to hear everything through gossip and rumors around town. And then you got all weird, giving us those knowing looks and winks and bringing up pie all the time, so we thought you knew and it turned us a little crazier than normal. And I’ll have you know,” I say, poking my finger into his chest. “It made me feel like absolute shit to keep it from you, especially after we slept together, and I’ve been trying to tell you since then but we kept getting interrupted, and then the mystery of the pie was solved.”