Just One of the Guys

My mother joins the knot of appreciative women around Ryan, making sure everyone knows that Chastity’s Boyfriend brought her roses. Jack reminds Ryan of when his chopper delivered a trauma patient to the hospital last week, and they’re discussing the victim’s prognosis.

The doorbell rings, and, being closest to the door, I open it. It’s Trevor. And with him, Perfect Hayden.

“Holy crap,” I blurt, ever gracious. “Per—Wow! Hayden! How are you? Hi! Come on in!”

“Hi, Chastity,” she says, smiling coolly. “Nice to see you.” Her straight, silky blond hair is cut into interesting layers and her clothes look expensive, classic and cool…and small. She’s a size six. Maybe a four.

“Hey, Chas,” Trevor says quietly, following her in.

The crowd grows quiet upon sighting the new arrivals. Whether she knows it or not, Perfect Hayden’s in enemy territory. She dumped our Trevor, and we haven’t forgiven her for breaking his valiant heart. The bitch.

But still. We’re not mean people at heart, and within a few minutes, she’s holding Jenny and talking to Sarah about life in Albany. She glances at me, her eyes sliding away just as I force a smile.

It’s so crowded in Mom’s living room, and so bleeping loud, kids everywhere, Perfect Hayden right in the middle of things. “Who wants to see Finding Nemo?” I ask, opening the door to the basement. The kids swarm after me like bees and drape themselves over the battered couch and LazyBoy chair that make up the seating choices down there.

“Okay, kids, there you go,” I say as the movie comes on. They don’t answer, slack-jawed and hypnotized already over this movie they’ve all seen a dozen times. Good. I need a moment.

My eyes feel hot. My heart is roaring in my ears. I note that my hands are shaking a little.

Matt comes galumphing down the stairs. “Hey. I’ll hang out with the kids. You go up to your boyfriend.”

I force a smile. “Sure. Thanks, Mattie.”

“You bet. The privilege of being single is that I don’t have to schmooze.”

“Lucky boy,” I say. “Hey, what’s Hayden doing here? Did Trev say?” I make sure my voice stays light.

“Yeah, actually. They were hanging out this morning, I guess, and when she heard he was coming here, she asked if she could tag along. Said it would be nice to get to know us again.”

Without quite meaning to, I make a rude snorting noise.

“She’s not bad, Chas,” Matt says.

“I thought he was seeing Angela,” I remind him. “My friend. Also, I thought we hated her, since she ditched Trevor.”

“Whatever.” Matt shrugs. “Kids, make room for Uncle Matt, okay?”

I trudge upstairs into the warm scent of pork and gravy. There’s Hayden, standing oh-so-close to Trevor, holding my niece, looking quite the nuclear family. What a sweet bleeping picture, dark-haired Trev, blond Perfect Hayden and one attractive baby. Freaking adorable. Matt said they were hanging out this morning. Which means she slept over. Which means—

“I love your family,” Ryan says into my ear, making me jump.

“Great!” I say. “Well, I told you they’d be crazy about you, too.”

Ryan smiles his perfect smile and slips me a quick kiss. I can’t help but notice that Trevor is watching, and sure, it’s stupid, but I turn to Ryan and kiss him back.

“Ryan!” cries my mother, bustling out of the kitchen. “I remember you saying that you’re a surgeon! How lovely! Your parents must be so proud!”

“She’s using the Father Donnelly voice,” Jack comments.

“She doesn’t want Chas to blow it. She’s always wanted a doctor in the family,” Lucky answers.

I shoot my brothers a glance that promises pain and humiliation as my mother continues to babble.

“Thank you,” Ryan says. “They’re quite proud, yes.” He squeezes my hand. “And eager to meet Chastity, of course. You’ve raised a wonderful daughter, Mrs. O’Neill.” Lucky makes a choking noise.

“Oh! Call me Betty!” Mom cries merrily. “I’ve got to stir the gravy!” Another car pulls up in front of the house, and Mom peers out the window. Her voice drops out of the Father Donnelly range into the General Patton baritone we’re more accustomed to hearing. “Harry’s here,” she announces. “Boys. Behave. Do you understand me?” Her voice pitches up and she bustles to the kitchen door. “Harry! Hello! Come meet my children!”

Harry Thomaston is a handsome man, shorter than my father but robust, with silver hair and dark eyes. He kisses my mother on the cheek. “Hello everyone.”

We all shake hands and exchange pleasantries, albeit with a considerable lack of sincerity. Harry looks at my mother with adoration plain in his eyes. It doesn’t feel good. None of us really believes that Mom and Dad will actually split up, despite their divorce. They’re too embedded with each other. But here she is, clucking and cooing like a pigeon, fluttering about Harry in an all too cheery way.

Ryan knows my parents are divorced, but he doesn’t know the details or personalities involved. “Ryan Darling,” he says, shaking Harry’s hand. “I’m Chastity’s significant other.”

“Lucky man,” Harry says gallantly.

I can’t help but notice that Hayden is whispering into Trevor’s ear and smiling. Without thinking, I slip my arm around Ryan’s waist.

And so it begins. My one-sided contest of who makes a cuter couple.

My mother forces the kids to come upstairs and meet Harry. More introductions are made. Trevor swoops Dylan up in his arms, introduces him to Hayden as his godson, allows Sophie to climb on his back and mess up his hair. Clearly, Trevor is winning the “best with children” title.

To strike back, I summon Claire. “What do you think of my boyfriend?” I whisper loudly enough for all to hear. “Isn’t he so handsome?” Claire bursts into giggles, as I thought she would, and Ryan smiles gamely. Graham pleads with Trevor to be held, and Trev obliges. Therefore, I grab Christopher. “Guess what, Chris? Ryan reattaches limbs for a living.”

“Awesome!” Christopher breathes with admiration.

“That’s not actually true,” Ryan says. “I’m not an orthopedist, though I assist with reattachments here and there.”

“He’s more of a blood and guts man,” I say to my nephew. Ryan frowns. Yes, he’s a little stiff around the kids. He asks Chris about school, a subject guaranteed to suck the life out of any ten-year-old. But who can blame poor Ryan? My nieces and nephews are like a school of dolphins, leaping, diving, shrieking, eating. They must be overwhelming to a man from a small, quiet family.

“They’re all savages,” I whisper in Ryan’s ear, having to stand on tiptoe to do it. Well, I don’t really need to, but I do, just to reinforce the point that Ryan is taller than Trevor. I see Trev looking and take the opportunity to stroke Ryan’s neck. See? He’s a great guy, good-looking and smart, and I’m crazy about him. And the feeling is mutual. I’m well aware of my immaturity, but damn it! I can’t help it. I hate Perfect Hayden. She has yet to speak to me, except for the initial required hello. I feel like slugging her.

Jack and Sarah offer to supervise the kids in the kitchen. I envy them. Today’s a day I’d really like to be with the kids. It’s so awkward—Ryan being so bleeping polite, Perfect Hayden flipping her well-behaved hair, another man touching my mother.

Nonetheless, I wedge myself around the table with the other adults. Mark, I notice, sits next to Elaina, who doesn’t protest, shoot daggers at him or make that cool hissing noise. Ryan’s next to me—he holds my chair with the manners of a prince—and Perfect Hayden scoots around Tara to make sure she gets the place next to Trev. There’s an awkward moment when Mom ushers Harry to the head of the table. My brothers freeze, and Harry takes the hint. “I’ll sit next to you, Betty. Matthew, here, take this seat,” he offers. I give him points for grace under pressure. Mom shoots the boys her “I’ll beat you later” glare.

“So, Harry,” I say gamely, “Mom says you’re retired?”

“I am, Chastity,” he says, turning my way with a smile. “I recently sold my company, which made a tiny part of a computer chip. Not the most interesting work in the world to talk about, but I liked it. And now I’m trying to do more traveling.”

“Great,” I say, stifling a sigh. A rich retiree who likes to travel. Dad is really blowing it. I take a bite of the tender pork. It’s fantastic. Unbelievable.

“Do you have any children?” Ryan asks.

“I have two daughters,” he says. “Martha, who’s forty-three and has a twelve-year-old son, and Greta, who’s thirty-seven and has three children, two boys and a girl. And you, Ryan? Any children?”

Ryan smiles crookedly, his eyes crinkling. I believe Tara sighs. “Not yet, Harry. But when the time comes, I’d love to have a couple.” He looks at me meaningfully. My jaw clenches. Why do I feel I’ve just been given a mandate for motherhood? No one else says anything for a moment.

“So!” Mom announces as she shoves a platter toward Jack. “Trevor’s here with Hayden, Chastity’s got her nice doctor, and Harry is here! Isn’t this nice!”

Mark rolls his eyes, and Matt smirks, but no one contradicts her.

“Harry,” Mom goes on in the vacuum of conversation, “Hayden and Trevor were engaged once. Isn’t it nice to see you two back together!”

Hayden smiles demurely. “Thanks, Mrs. O’Neill.” My grip on my fork tightens.

“And why was it that you two broke up in the first place?” Mom asks.

“Mom! None of your business!” I blurt.

“No, that’s a natural question, Mrs. O.,” Hayden says. Oh, I hate her. Trevor concentrates on his plate. “I think the timing was just wrong, that’s all.” She smiles at Trevor, who doesn’t contradict her. Doesn’t actually agree, but doesn’t contradict, either.

My stomach aches. Angela was one thing, Perfect Hayden another thing altogether. She’s not worthy of Trevor. She’s had her chance. She blew it. Why is it that women like her have everything? The good guys, the smooth hair, the poreless skin, the cute little figure? Why? Huh?

Mom turns the crosshairs on Ryan next. “And Ryan? What about your people?”

“Your people?” Lucky’s snort turns into a grunt as Tara elbows him in the ribs.

“My parents live on Long Island,” he says. “I have a sister who lives in the city. And I hope to introduce Chastity to them soon.” He looks at me seriously. “Very soon.”

“I can’t wait to meet them,” I say, slipping my hand onto his thigh. He smiles. I smile back. My head hurts.

“So things are serious?” my mom asks, scooping more scalloped potatoes onto her plate.

“Absolutely,” Ryan answers.

I open my mouth to say something—what, I don’t know—but there’s a crash in the kitchen, where the kids are eating under the not so watchful eyes of Jack and Sarah.

“I’ll go see if they need help,” I offer, bolting from the table.

“What’s going on?” Sarah whispers, nodding toward the dining room.

“Auntie!” the kids chorus. A blob of chewed up green bean falls out of Dylan’s mouth, but he just shoves it back in, unconcerned.

“Mom’s interrogating Trevor and me about our intentions,” I answer, then realizing how that sounds, backpedal furiously. “I mean, she asked Trevor if he’s serious with Hayden, and the same about Ryan and me.”

“I know what you meant.” She smiles.

“Will you eat with us, Auntie?” Olivia asks. She’s now missing her two front teeth and looks cuter than ever. Plus, I get a great view of her chewed up food.

“Chastity has her special friend visiting today, honey,” Jack answers. “And are you serious, Chas? He seems like a pretty good guy.”

“Gorgeous,” Sarah murmurs. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

“Yeah. Sure. He’s great,” I say. “We’re serious. Or getting there.” I pause. “Jack, do you know him from around the hospital?”

Jack hesitates. “Yeah, I’ve seen him here and there.”

“And how is he in action?”

Jack takes a sip of his beer. “Well, you know, Chas…he’s a surgeon. All business, not the type to be buddies with us lowly paramedics.” He raises an eyebrow. “But if he’s treating you well, then I won’t care about that.”

The if-only’s are trying to make themselves heard in my brain. If only Trevor…If only Hayden…If only…“You guys need anything?” I ask as Claire torments Annie by showing her the contents of her mouth. “Wine? Sedatives for the children?”

Jack shifts Jenny to his other arm and catches Christopher’s glass just before it falls. “We’re fine, Chas. Thanks, kiddo.”

Without anything holding me in the kitchen, I go back to my place. Hayden murmurs something to Trevor, and he grins reluctantly, and it is with a private vengeance that I scootch my chair that much closer to Ryan’s.

“I know what you were doing today,” Elaina states later that night. We’re sprawled in her living room, both of us disgustingly full from the unexpected feast at Mom’s, both of us wearing sweats, both of us contemplating some Ben & Jerry’s. Dylan is sleeping, exhausted from the cousins.