Just To Be With You

“I remember thinking that about Smith when you were filming Gravity.”

“Val, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, T. You can ask me anything, you know that.”

“When you and Smith were just starting to date, you felt unsure about things for a while, didn’t you?”

“Only constantly.” But she could already hear her sister’s brain going into overdrive from her simple question, so she wasn’t surprised when Valentina asked, “Are you dating someone? I know I’ve been really busy lately, but I’m always here for you, T. All you have to do is let me know you need me and I’ll be there. Anywhere you need me.”

The tears that had threatened when she read Ian’s terse and emotionless text nearly came spilling out at the love in her sister’s voice. Which made her doubly glad that saying, “No, I’m not dating anyone,” didn’t constitute lying to the one person who had always been there for her. “But, Val, if you were so unsure, then how did Smith convince you to be with him?”

Valentina was silent for a few moments, obviously thinking through her answer before she gave it. “There were lots of little, sweet things he did along the way. Remember when he gave me that framed picture of us?”

“It’s still one of my favorites,” Tatiana agreed. “So that’s what did it? Knowing he was thinking of you and what would make you happy?”

“Honestly, while those little things he did were all lovely and sweet and made me realize he cared for me, they weren’t enough to make me believe love could conquer all. I was still scared. Still worried about the past and the future and every moment in between.”

Tatiana could understand why her sister had been so afraid to fall for Smith. The spotlight constantly shone on him because he was one of the biggest movie stars in the world, and her sister had always been much happier hidden in the shadows on the side of the stage. Plus, after their father had died and Valentina had pretty much taken over raising Tatiana, the way their mother had dated one wrong man after another had been really hard on her sister...and had made Valentina question everything about love. At the same time, she’d always protected Tatiana so that she never had to doubt that love was real.

“I still don’t understand how he got you past those worries. What did he do to make them all go away?”

“He couldn’t do that for me. I had to work through my fears myself in my own time, and if he had tried to push me to speed things up, I was stubborn enough that I would have only retreated further and put more walls up to block him out.”

“So, you’re saying he didn’t push you to make a decision about the state of your relationship, but...” Tatiana paused to try to think of a subtle way to say the next part, but when she couldn’t, she finally just blurted, “Weren’t you guys having all kinds of wild and wicked sex the whole time you were working through things?”

“Given that you found us in the screening room that night on set,” Valentina said with a slightly embarrassed laugh, “I think we both know the answer to that question is a big, fat yes.”

“But why did you keep sleeping with Smith if you were unsure about sticking with him in the long run? Why didn’t you make yourself stay away, or tell him to keep his distance, until you’d made up your mind one way or the other?” When her sister didn’t answer right away, Tatiana belatedly realized she’d gone too far with her questions. Just like Ian always said she did. “I’m sorry. I know this is really personal stuff and I’m being way too nosy. You don’t have to answer any more of my questions about your sex life with Smith, obviously.”

“You can ask me anything, T. You know that. So don’t apologize. It’s just we’ve never really talked much about sex before, so I’m a little surprised.” Her sister paused for a beat before saying, “The answer is that I couldn’t stop myself from being with him. Smith is...well, you know how he is. Gorgeous. Sexy. Brilliant.”

“And totally, completely in love with you.”

“Yes, just as much as I finally admitted I loved him. And the truth is that part of that realization of how much I loved him came because I simply couldn’t find a way to resist going to bed with him, even when I was certain that I needed to. At first, I tried to call what we were doing just sex, just a fling, a way to let off steam, but I think I always knew I was lying to myself. I never realized how closely connected the body and heart are until I met him.”

Tatiana felt as though the light bulb went back on inside of her, then, burning more brightly now than it ever had before. That deep connection between her heart and her body was precisely why she’d never slept with anyone before Ian. Because she simply couldn’t have given her body to a man who didn’t also have her heart.

From the answers her sister had just given her, Tatiana now knew that while Smith had given Valentina space to accept her feelings for him, he’d also been smart enough to keep their physical connection burning hot and steady so that her sister couldn’t shut herself off from him.

Tatiana had said it herself in the limo on the night of the gala—Ian wasn’t a man who changed his mind easily. She hadn’t planned to use sex to change his mind. But while she was giving him the space to come around to realizing he could risk loving her without hurting either of them, was it so wrong to hope that their intense attraction and sensual connection would help him see the light a little sooner?