Keep

Damn it. I was going to hurt her.

I just knew it.

And just like that, more music crashed into my chest right along with the waves, and words, they came reckless and angry.

“You’re not very chatty today,” Fallon finally said once I reached her and we started walking along the beach. “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were upset that I saw you naked and didn’t faint.”

“Hah.” I rolled my eyes. “Fainting has happened on occasion, but I figured you were made of stronger stuff, Fallon.”

Shit.

I said her name.

Shit, shit, shit.

Her smile wavered. Please don’t notice. “Yeah well…” She shrugged. “I’ve seen lots of naked men in my crazy life as a call girl.”

“Oh, yeah?” I said in a thankful exhale; happy she hadn’t fixated on the fact that I didn’t call her four eyes. “And how is the business these days?”

“Can’t complain, I’m gonna be a movie star one day you know, once I make enough money to move to Hollywood. Be my Richard Gere?”

“He has gray hair.”

“That’s your only reason for saying no?”

“I have nice hair.”

“You do.” She reached for my head and then jerked her hand back, her cheeks pinked as she stumbled forward. “Sorry.”

“Fallon.” Damn it, now that I’d started saying her name I couldn’t stop. “Are you apologizing for almost touching me?”

“Well, you are paying me.” She laughed, but it wasn’t her normal laugh, it was so fake I wanted to pull her into my arms and apologize. “So, no touching right? Isn’t that what you said?”

Of course I’d be stuck with the smart girl who remembered every single conversation and stored it for moments like this when I wanted her to forget all of the reasons I’d given her in the car why kissing her was a bad idea.

“So…” I cleared my throat and quickly changed the subject. “What did you think of the audio clip I sent?”

She pushed her adorable black glasses up and scrunched her nose. “Okay don’t be mad.”

“Ouch.” I held a hand to my chest. “That bad?”

“You haven’t even heard what I have to say yet!”

I stopped walking. “Okay, let me have it.”

“The song’s about sex, right?”

Hell, I hadn’t expected her to be so cute as if sex made her uncomfortable and everything with it—she would be different.

She wouldn’t be using me.

She’d genuinely be sharing herself with me because she wanted to.

She was good.

Not like all the others.

And I was leaving. Funny, since I was the one with abandonment issues, yet this time I would be the one walking—I hated it.

“I guess.” I finally answered. “Why?”

“Well, you make it sound so…clinical.”

My mouth dropped open. Not what I thought she was going to say. “Um, I’m sorry what?”

“People know how to have sex, Zane.”

Hah, if she only knew. “Do they, now?” I grinned, unable to help myself.

“Yeah.” She backed up a few steps. “I guess what I want to say is, I mean tab A goes into slot B and um,” She covered her face with her hands and mumbled. “This really isn’t how I pictured this conversation going.”

“Oh, so you often picture having sex talks with me?”

“Grandma would kill me right now.”

“I’m very disappointed in you, young lady,” I said in a gruff voice that sounded way creepier than I’d meant it to. Fallon burst out laughing and removed her hands.

“Okay.” She took a deep breath as pieces of her hair kissed her cheeks. I wanted those cheeks, that skin, maybe just one touch, no more than three caresses right? That was allowed. I reached for her, but she leaned back. “You make it sound cold.”

“Cold.” My hand was still midair, I jerked it back. “I make sex sound…frigid? Is that what you mean?”

“Yeah.” Her eyes widened. “I mean, okay I know you probably have a different sexual partner every single night, which is probably why there is such a disconnect between singing about it and actually, er, um doing it, but that’s not how it should be? You know quick, fast, I touch this, you touch that, oh, look we both orgasmed and then—“

The breath whooshed from my lungs. “Shit, did you just say orgasm?” Hell, did I just moan? Out loud?

“Maybe.” She squinted. “No. Actually, can I have a do-over of this conversation?”

“Absolutely not.” I barked out a laugh.

“Why!” She looked up at the sky and clenched her fists. “Am I making sense at all?”

“Nope.”

“Sorry, Grandma,” she mumbled before grabbing my hands and sinking to the sand, pulling me down with her. We sat holding hands, staring at the waves. “I want you to close your eyes.”

“Why are we apologizing to your dead grandma?”

“She may haunt me for life after this.”

“This day just gets better and better doesn’t it?”

“Or worse, depending on what side of the conversation you’re on.”

I smirked; her cheeks literally could not get any redder. I reached up with my free hand and touched. Touching was always my downfall, maybe because once she was gone—nobody had touched me again.