“I can’t believe they wouldn’t even hear me out.”

I sat on the bed next to Zadie, tears of frustration welling in my eyes. My conversation with Governor Kristos had gone horribly. In the past, I had been one of the only villagers allowed inside his house, thanks to the close relationship between him and my father. But today, I could barely get out my theory about Sami and the kite seller without Kristos speaking over me.

Far more painful than his dismissiveness was the realization that he didn’t believe I had killed Ceren. Every time I spoke Ceren’s name, I flashed back to my last moments with him, the warmth of his blood on my hands, the sheer hatred in his eyes. It was bad enough that I had stabbed him; the fact that no one believed me made it a hundred times worse.

Zadie brushed my hair with her fingers. “I’m so sorry, Nor. I know how much you sacrificed, and soon enough so will the rest of Varenia.”

I sniffed and wiped my tears on my sleeve. Despite Zadie’s warnings about the villagers’ anger, in the back of my mind, I had still hoped for a peaceful homecoming. How could I have expected to be welcomed back when I was more despised here than ever?

“Let’s get some rest. Surely we’ve earned that.”

“I’ll come to bed soon,” I said. “I need some more time to think.” I walked out to the balcony and picked up a ladle from the bucket of fresh water. It was distressingly low. Kristos and Elidi thought waiting for salvation was the prudent decision, but prudence hadn’t filled our buckets or our bellies for years.

Once we had official word that Varenia was free—which the governor insisted on waiting for—I wondered how much things would actually change. I couldn’t imagine the elders going to Ilara; even if they wanted to leave our village, the land sickness might kill them. And as much as I hated the term “wave children,” our isolation in Varenia assured that we were as inexperienced as children when it came to life on land. Who would show them how to survive there?

Silver clouds obscured the moon, but the ocean was as still as glass tonight, reflecting the entire night sky. I may not have appreciated Varenia enough when I left it, but I had always felt reverence for the natural beauty of this place. I inhaled a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh, wishing I could capture this feeling in my chest: a tightness that was both longing and a sense of fulfillment. It made me feel small in a way that was oddly reassuring.

I placed my hands on the railing and hissed as the side of my right palm snagged on a splinter. A single droplet of blood appeared, and for a second I saw Ceren’s face so clearly it was as if he were there with me. I staggered backward, directly into Father.

“Steady, child. Are you all right?”

I nodded, shaking away the thought of Ceren, and we leaned against the balustrade together. I was grateful for his warmth as he put his arm around me. Everything else may be a disaster, but this, at least, was right.

“What’s troubling you?” he asked after a few minutes.

“I can’t see my way forward anymore,” I said, my voice thick with unshed tears.

“I know, child.” He smoothed my hair off my forehead. “Your journey has never been an easy one. I fear it never will be.”

“Why?” I asked, just like I had as a child, when I met every answer he gave with another question.

“Some of us are born knowing exactly who and what we are,” he said. “Others have to search a little harder.”

I chewed my lip, considering. “Zadie knows who she is, doesn’t she?”

He nodded. “Yes. Your mother as well.”

“And you?” I whispered.

“I think I knew, and I fought against fate for a while, and then I accepted it.”

I wondered what he meant by that, but in the end, there was only one question that mattered. “Are you happy?”

“I’m content. I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

“And people like me?”

There was a long, disconcerting silence. “I’m not sure you’re looking for contentment, Nor.”

I glanced up at the stars winking through the clouds. There was still so much I didn’t understand, and though I’d risked everything to get back to Varenia, deep down, I knew a part of me would always wonder what else was out there.

“No,” I conceded. “I suppose not.”

Father was quiet for a few minutes, but finally he turned to me. “What happened to you in Ilara, Nor?”

I considered telling him about the bleedings, the dungeon, the monster, watching Lady Melina be pushed from a cliff and nearly meeting her same fate. But burdening Father with my struggles didn’t feel fair. I knew it would only weigh him down, and we were all struggling to stay afloat these days. I told him the same story I’d told Elidi and Kristos, sparing everyone the most gruesome details.

Father was quiet as I spoke, his lips flattening into a thin line. I could see that he was sad, but also angry, and he was struggling to maintain his composure. When I was finished, he hugged me fiercely, as if he feared we might both fall apart.

“Should I leave in the morning?” I asked finally.

He vehemently shook his head. “You will stay as long as you choose.”

At least Father still wanted me here. But I knew I would have to leave soon, not just to find Sami, but because my presence meant my family and I were at risk. I had no way of knowing if the decree barring Varenians from setting foot on land had been lifted yet. But if Phaedra discovered me, my family and I could soon share Sami’s fate.

“You should sleep,” Father said. “And so should I. Some of the men are going hunting tomorrow, much farther out to sea. I’ll need my strength.”

I looked up at him. “No, Father. That’s too dangerous. Stay home with me. We can dive together.”

He smiled sadly. “I wish I could. But there are too many hungry children to feed in this village. I see them in my dreams, their mouths gaping like baby birds’.”

My heart ached for those children and for the responsibility Father felt. “It will get better,” I said, though without the conviction I’d felt when I first reunited with Zadie. With so many people doubting me, it was becoming harder and harder not to wonder if they were right.

“Do you believe me, about Sami?” I pressed, even though I feared the answer.

Father sighed and looked up at the sky, then turned his dark gaze on me. “I will always believe in you, Nor.” He was quiet for a moment. “You’re going to search for him, aren’t you?”

“I have to, Father. Zadie needs him, and so do his parents.”