Kiss Me

I chew as fast as I can and choke down a piece that is way too big to swallow—but I manage—and chug some diet Coke, seriously wishing it was laced with rum, as he says, “Keatyn.”



“Hey, Riley’s doing great tonight. You should be proud.” I try to walk past him. He grabs my arm, holding me back.



“I’m sorry, okay?” He hangs his head.



“Yeah, okay,” I say back. Damn him for having such adorable and pathetic-looking eyes. He stands there, looking at me. But I’m not caving. “Anything else you needed? I have to get this hotdog back to Dallas.”



“Yeah, there is.” He pulls me into his lips. His kiss is soft and sweet. It’s an I’m-sorry kiss. And it makes me feel surprisingly happy. “Can we hang out tonight after the game?”



Happy, yes, but I’m still pissed. “Sorry, I can’t. I have homework to do and posters to make for dance.”



He looks like he doesn’t believe me.



I’m not lying, though. I really need to do those things tonight. I’d be in big trouble if I flunked out of here.



“Okay, uh, well, see you tomorrow, then, I guess.”



“Sounds good.” I turn my back on him and walk back to the safety of my friends.



Once back in my seat, I notice two girls chatting enthusiastically a couple rows in front of us and a little to my right. “Hey, look, it’s Facebook official. Jake and Whitney are going out,” one girl says to the other.



“I heard that Jake is in line for the British throne. Like he could be King someday.”



“Oh my gosh. He’s so dreamy. It’s so not fair that Whitney always gets the hottest guys.”



“He is dreamy. And of course she does. She’s, like, perfect. I wish I was her.”



“Did you see those pictures of Dawson and the new chick?”



“Ohmigawd, I know. Were they not the most adorable thing ever? I want to hate her just because of Dawson, but it sounds like she’s actually nice, not a bitch like Whitney.”



“I bet Whitney was pissed.”



They both giggle and I stop eavesdropping.



So that’s what she meant by royalty being in style. Jake’s in line for the British throne? Interesting.



I wonder if it’s even true.



Where we stand.



10:05pm



Katie, Maggie, and I are lying on the floor of my room sniffing markers to try and get high—it’s not really working—and making posters to put on the Varsity football players’ lockers, when my phone buzzes.



An unknown number: Scored 10



Me: Who is this?



An unknown number: Aiden



OH MY GOSH!!!! HE TEXTED ME!!!! HE GOT MY NUMBER SOMEHOW AND HE TEXTED ME!!! But I try to play it cool, replying, and adding his number to my contact list.



Me: I was at the game. I saw. Good job.



Hottie God: Would you be interested in 10 more dances tomorrow night after the game?



And I can’t help it. I scream out loud. Katie grabs my phone, reads the text, and screams along with me. Then she says, “Wait. Who’s the Hottie God? Is that Aiden or Dawson?”



“Aiden.”



“Personally, I think Dawson’s hot and Aiden is immature,” Maggie states.



“How is he immature?”



“This is the first time he’s texted you since last weekend. And, also, you should never say yes when a guy asks you out at the last minute. My sister says that’s how you know a guy is serious about you. He asks you out on Tuesday or Wednesday for the weekend because he wants to make sure you don’t make other plans.”



“So what should I tell him?”



“I’d teach him a lesson. Say, Oh shoot, I wish you would have asked me earlier, but I already have plans. You’re a woman in demand. Lots of boys want to ask you out, and he needs to learn to plan ahead.”



“But, in his defense, he just heard today at lunch that Dawson and I were through. Maybe that’s why he didn’t ask before.”



“You and Dawson weren’t going out. You were just hanging out. You shared a couple kisses. Big deal. He knows that. He still could have asked.”



“True.”



I don't want to do it, but I do. He can’t think I’m going to come running every time he decides to blow me a kiss or text me.



Me: I really wish you would have asked me sooner. I already made plans.



Hottie God: With who?



“Shit! He just asked me who I have plans with. And I don’t have plans with anyone! What am I going to say?”



“Well, you can say that we’re having a girls’ night,” Maggie offers.



“Except that I already told Tyrese I would hang out with him after the game. He asked me yesterday,” Katie beams.



“Well, shit. Wait. I know.”



I text Dallas.



Me: Do you have plans for after the game tomorrow night?



Dallas: Yes, I’m going to be checking your panties.



Me: Good.



Dallas: Wait?! Really?



Me: Oh, I meant good, you’re free, not good about the panties. Want to hang with me and Maggie?



Dallas: I’m supposed to hang with the guys, but I might have to do a panty check on this girl from my math class. She’s been flirting with me. But don’t worry, you’re still my favorite.



Me: Shit!!!!



“What am I gonna do? I just lied to the God of all Hotties. And I know, even though he can’t see me, that he knows. I know he knows! What am I gonna do?”



Vibrate. Two new texts.



Hottie God: I think you should change your plans.



Dawson: Come outside, now. Please.



“Look at this! Look at this mess! What am I supposed to do with this?” I slide my phone across the floor in front of Maggie.



She reads the texts. “I think you should tell Aiden no. That he should ask you sooner next time, and tell Dawson you’ll be right down.”



“I also think you should tell Dawson you’ll be right down, but I think you should tell Aiden yes,” Katie disagrees.



Maggie considers this. “No, wait. See what Dawson says. Maybe he will ask you to hang out.”



“Wait, it’s okay for me to hangout with Dawson when he asks on Thursday night, but not Aiden? That’s not really fair, is it?



“Didn’t Dawson ask you to spend the whole weekend with him?” Maggie argues.



“Yeah.”



“So, tell Aiden no.”



I don’t wanna tell Aiden no.



But they’re probably right, and I’m too freaking confused to make an intelligent decision.



Me to Hottie God: I can’t. Sorry. Hey, I gotta go. See you in class tomorrow :)



I end it with a smiley face, trying to soften the blow.



Me to Dawson: Coming.



I go outside. Dawson is sitting on the brick wall, looking hotter than ever. He has on an old Cougars T-shirt that looks like it’s grown with him. Like it’s stretched perfectly across his broad chest. The short sleeves show off his muscular arms, and it fits tight against the sculpted abs I know are underneath.



“Hey,” I say, greeting him.



“You’re still mad at me, huh?”



“Not mad, but I definitely know where I stand.”



He kicks his feet, hops off the wall, and grabs me around the waist. “This is where we stand.” And he kisses me.



“I have absolutely no idea what that means.” I laugh because we’re really kind of a pathetic pair.



“I want to take us slow, but I also want to be with you. Look, we’ve both been confused and honest with each other about how we feel, right?”



“Yeah, so far.”



“Well, here’s how I’m feeling. I like you. I’m still getting over her. I’ve been kissing you in front of people, in front of her, even, and I’ve been fine with it, but seeing it in the pictures, well, it sorta caught me off guard. I was feeling good about it, but I wasn’t ready to see it. Look.”



He pulls a little box out of a sack that’s sitting on the wall. He opens it and shows me a bunch of loose photos. Of them. Him and Whitney, looking perfect. Like, seriously, every picture is perfect. Almost fake looking. Where are the adorable photos your friend snaps while you’re kissing? Why aren’t they cuddling?



“You’re a beautiful couple,” I tell him honestly, because they were.



“This is who I’m used to seeing myself with. And I know we’ve only known each other for a week now, but I’ve told you stuff I never could’ve told her, stuff I’ve never even told Jake. She and I were never friends. I worshiped her and then I dated her. ”



“Yeah. I can see that. That’s how you look at her. Like she’s better than you.”



“I kind of thought she was. Since you told me the truth about why she broke up with me things make a little more sense. She liked posing for pictures, and we kissed and had sex, but it really wasn’t that great. She’d be all over me in front of people, then we’d get alone and, sure, we did stuff, but it was different. It’s hard to explain.” He sighs. “Actually, it’s embarrassing.”



“Tell me.”



“Fine. I never really felt wanted. I was always trying to do stuff to make her want me.”



“Dawes, jeez, you ever look in a mirror? You’re gorgeous, hot, and amazing. Plus you can be really nice when you want to be. You need to start seeing yourself the way other people do. The way I do.”



“I think I’m starting to. Look.”



He pulls a frame out of the sack and flips it over. In the frame is the picture of us. The one Annie wants to enter in the contest.



“Annie gave me this tonight after the game, and she told me the camera can’t lie. So when I got back to my room, I really looked at it. And then I started looking at the pictures of me and Whitney. This picture. The way we’re looking at each other, the uncertainty. I knew what you were thinking when you kissed me. I knew you were unsure, and I knew why. I knew you knew I was unsure. When I look at the pictures of me and Whitney, I have no idea what she was thinking. I still want to take it slow. I still can’t tell you how I feel, but I’m thinking this picture has the potential to be better than what I’m used to. Please hang out with me tomorrow. Please try and come to the Hamptons this weekend.”



I don’t answer. I just jump into his arms and kiss him.



Crying yourself to sleep.



10:45pm



I stop kissing Dawson in time to make curfew. I’m back in my room, calling Mom, while Katie is down the hall.



“Hey,” I say when she answers. “I just called to say hey. And I was hoping to talk to the girls. Are you getting all settled?”



“Yeah, we’re getting pretty good at moving. Have it down to a science. Kym asked me what you’re doing for the holiday weekend. We never discussed what you’re going to do on school vacations.”



“I know, but it’s okay. I’m probably going to be in the Hamptons at some friends’ house.” I don’t mention that I’m also supposed to see Brooklyn. I have a feeling everyone would freak about that. But come on, I don’t really think Vincent is going to fly all the way to New York on the off chance I might be at B’s tournament.



“These friends. Are they nice?”



“Yes. They’re brothers. One is my friend, Riley. He’s one of the first guys I met here. I think he and I and this other boy, Dallas, are going to be good friends. At least, I hope so. And his older brother is gorgeous. Sweet. I kinda maybe like him.”



“Just make good choices, okay? It’s not just the stalker that can cause trouble for you. There are so many kids that get their trust funds, start to party, and spend all their money on drugs and hookers.”



“Hookers? Really, Mom?” I laugh.



“You know what I mean. I was thinking of this actor that I knew. He blew all his money. Got addicted. Now can’t get a decent role.”



“I’m not like that. You know that.”



“I know, but you could become it. It’s easy to get sucked into that kind of lifestyle. Okay, enough with the lecture. Tell me how it’s going. It sounds like you’re making friends.”



“I think so. There’s Katie, my roommate, and Maggie. They’re both on dance team with me and really nice. And Annie, she’s in my French class.”



“And the God of all Hotties?”



“He hates me. Well, no, he asked me to hang out tomorrow, but he waited until tonight to ask me. So I said no.”



“Why?”



“I have plans with Gorgeous. The brother. He’s really cute, Mom. Tall, dark, and dreamy. And he’s super sweet. And he doesn’t drive me nuts like the god. Want to see a picture of us? Annie, like before I knew her, took a photo of us. He was getting ready to kiss me. It was sort of our first real kiss. He’d kissed me before. Like, a little sweet kiss, but this was a real kiss.”



“Of course, I’d love to see it!”



“Okay, I’m emailing it to you. But you’ll have to delete it after you see it since we’re in our school uniforms and stuff. Or did Garrett password protect your computer too?”



“He did, but I’ll delete it just to be safe.” I hear her clicking then she says, “Keatyn, oh my gosh! Look at you! This picture is amazing! You look beautiful, and it doesn't even look like she edited it! Look at your skin! Oh, let’s take a moment to rejoice in your smooth, wrinkle-free skin. Seriously, look at it. Someday you will understand.”



“Um, okay.”



“Oh, also Kym told me that she’s putting together a few more outfits, some cooler weather looks, and she’ll be sending you a few care packets with boots and things. I think she’s having a ball with it.”