I decide to text Mom, hoping she’s still awake.

Me: How did you get Tom to fall in love with you? You said you knew instantly. Did he?

Mom: He knew it too. I could feel it.

Me: How do I make the God of all Hotties fall in love with me?

Mom: Isn’t it a little fast? It’s been a day.

Me: Yes, it’s too fast. But I cannot help it. I am in LOVE with this boy. And all he will do is kiss me! And I’m talking a NO TONGUE KISS!!! Other boys make out with me, why won’t he?

Mom: Other boys?! Just how many boys have you kissed?

Me: Uh, like three.

Mom: !!!!!!!!! You don’t want to get a bad reputation your first week! Why have you kissed so many boys? Did you get drunk? What kind of place did we send you to?

Me: Calm down. And no. I kissed this boy, Dallas, the first night. It was like fun, and he’s sweet, but it’s like a friend thing, a chill thing. Then the god kissed me on the cheek and gave me a four-leaf clover and it WORKED! I made Varsity soccer AND the dance team! Oh and this gorgeous guy kissed me too, but he was drunk and it was gross, so it really doesn’t count. So two, technically.

Mom: Dance team? Really? I’m so proud of you!

Me: I got to dance on stage tonight, Mom. I loved it. Loved being up there. Back to the hottie.

Mom: You belong on a stage. You always have. And the god sounds sweet.

Me: But that’s just it. He IS sweet. And he’s supposed to be a player. He had 8 gfs last year. He gets kinda flustered when he’s around me. Players don’t get flustered, do they? And the things he does to me!

Mom: Wait, I thought you said he wasn’t doing anything to you.

Me: I mean like I can barely breathe when he’s around. When he touches me, I feel like I’m getting shocked. And tonight, I was at this party and he took me to this empty dorm room. And he DIDN’T attack me! He just gave me these slow, amazing, tender and TONGUELESS kisses. He looked deep into my eyes and, I swear to God, he looked into my soul.

Mom: Wait. What time is it there? And what were you doing at a party? It’s your second night!

Me: Can we PLEASE stick to what is important here? HOW DO I MAKE HIM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME?

Mom: Maybe he already is.

Me: No! He’s not. He was a total gentleman. He doesn’t want me. Should I like sneak over to his room and just attack him?

Mom: Sex is not going to make him fall in love with you. It sounds like he likes you.

Me: OMG!!!!??? You think??!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom: Yeah. Go to bed! And make good decisions please. And call Garrett tomorrow when you’re free. He wants to talk to you.

Me: Okay. I love you. Kiss the girls for me.

Mom: I love you too. And I will.

Saturday, August 27th

You don’t have a bra on.

10:30am

Clearly missed breakfast. Can’t remember what is supposed to be going on today. Did we miss something already?

I grab my phone and read a few texts.

The love of my life <3: You up yet? Heard you had some fun at the party :)

Wait, that’s confusing. I have to change that. There, that’s better.

Dallas: You up yet? Heard you had some fun at the party :)

B<3: Miss you.

Peyton: You need to be in the dance locker room at 2:30 to get your uniform and get dressed. We have to be on the field a little before three.

Sex God: You kissed my brother?

Shit.

First things first.

Me: Your brother kissed me. He was drunk. It was horrible.

Sex God: You didn’t like kissing him?

Me: OMG! NO! It was AWFUL!

Sex God: Maybe I should come kiss you now. Can’t let him ruin the Johnson brothers’ reputation. BTW, what are you wearing?

Me: I’m told your reputation precedes you, so no kissing is necessary. And PJ shorts and tank top. Still in bed.

Sex God: Heard that’s what you wore to the party. White tank top with a leopard bra underneath. I was jealous at first, but I already saw that bra :)

Me: Yes, you saw my bra strap when I was holding up my dress. Gee, I’m such a slut.

Sex God: So you ready for the big scrimmage today? Ready to watch me kick some ass?

Me: I guess. I have to dance or something at it.

Sex God: Can I come over?

Me: Why?

Sex God: Maybe I need a cuddle.

Me: I just woke up. I’m sure I look like shit.

Sex God: Doubtful. Go brush your teeth. I will be there in like 2 minutes.

Me: No!

Sex God: I have coffee and muffins.

Me: Awww, that’s really nice.

Sex God: Oh, I’m gonna be very nice...

Me: <3 and no.

I’m not sure what to say to Brooklyn. And for some reason, I can’t seem to bring myself to delete the heart by his name. I wonder if he was right about fate. That if we were meant to be together, then fate would help us find a way. Of course, fate would also need to teach him to appreciate my love of shoes and discos before that would ever work. I sigh. Try not to list all the mistakes I’ve made lately in my head, and just reply with, Miss you too.

Now I want to find out what Dallas heard.

Me: What’d you hear?

Dallas: Dawson kissed you. Dumped a girl off his lap, walked across the room, and attacked you.

Me: Yeah, it was awful. I stopped it as quickly as I could.

Dallas: And what about Aiden?

Me: How do you know all this shit?

Dallas: I also know Riley is buying you coffee and muffins as we speak :)

Me: You’re scaring me. What do you know about Aiden?

Dallas: Heard you kissed. Heard you got mad at him. Heard you were crying in the hall.

Me: He told you??

Dallas: Can’t give up my sources

.

Me: DID HE TELL YOU?? YES OR NO??!!!!

Dallas: No.

Me: He did kiss me, but he decided he doesn’t really like me.

Dallas: You sure about that?

Me: Yes. He kissed me. It was amazing. But that’s all he did. No hands, no tongues, just a kiss. Well a couple kisses.

Dallas: Hmmm. Maybe he wants to take it slow.

Me: Only people who don’t like you want to take it that slow. But I’m glad I know now. So I won’t get my heart broken.

I get up, run to the bathroom, pee, brush my teeth, run my hands through my hair, and remove the mascara smudges from underneath my eyes. I’m just finishing when Riley knocks gently on the door. Katie is still asleep, so I run over to the door quickly and open it.

And there is Riley. Looking hot in a bright orange Polo rugby shirt and khaki cargo shorts.

“I think I’m a little underdressed,” I say.

He hands me a tray of coffees and holds up a bag of muffins. I walk over and set them on my nightstand.

I hear Katie’s sleepy voice groan, “Please say one of those coffees is for me.”

Riley nods, gets a blueberry muffin and a coffee, and hands them to her.

“Hey, I’m gonna shower and get ready. I’ll be in the bathroom for probably at least a half hour,” she says with a smirk on her face. Like I’m gonna have sex with Riley the second she leaves. “Thanks for the muffin, Riley.”

The minute she walks out of our room, Riley grabs me and throws me on the bed.

“Hey, I need sustenance.”

He rolls on top of me, pins my arms above my head, and says, “I need something to sustain me too. God. You don’t have a bra on.”

“Oh, shit. I forgot. I’m sorry.”

He breaks out into a wide grin. “Oh, no. No apologies necessary.”

“So you have a muffin for me too?”

“Yeah, you want me to butter your muffin?”

I know he’s just playing around. Teasing me. But his teasing and pinning me to the bed remind me so much of Cush. I start to get tears in my eyes. Then my mind flashes to Vincent holding my wrists. I start to shake and my breathing speeds up.

Riley’s face scrunches up. Then his eyes narrow. “What? Why?” He jumps off me. “Did you think I was going to hurt you? Like hold you down? I wouldn’t do that. Ever. I was just messing around.”

I nod. I can’t even say that I know. I just put my hands over my face and start crying.

Riley gathers me up into his arms. “Did that happen to you before?” he asks quietly. “Is that why you’re so upset?”

I shake my head no and start sobbing on his shoulder. He’s holding me like Damian did the night I almost got kidnapped. Which makes me cry harder.

I have a complete breakdown.

I must have emotional jet lag.

Like, it just all hit me.

Right now.

At the most inopportune time.

I’ve been so good at holding it in. Pretending to act like it didn’t affect me. That I’d be fine going away by myself. Being on my own. But I don’t want to be on my own. I miss my family. I miss the girls. I miss Cush. Sweet, sexy Cush. I thought I could come here and start over, but I can’t. This isn’t my life.

He pats me on the back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I suck in a big breath and shudder. Calm myself down. “I’m sorry. I just, like, when you did that. It reminded me of someone. Someone I miss. Someone I had to leave when I came here.”

“The surfer guy?”

I lean my back up against the headboard while I wipe under my eyes. “No. It’s a long, complicated story. I don’t want to bore you with it. Let’s just say my coming here was not exactly by choice.”

“Tell me about the guy.” He laughs. “Or should I say guys?”

“Guys, I guess. You really want to hear about it?”

He hands me a coffee and says, “I’ve got all morning.”

Now I have to figure out what to say. What can I say that is close to the truth? What I end up with is a weird combination of truths.

“I sort of got sent here because of a guy.”

“Your parents not like him?”

“Um, there was some trouble. My parents decided to move to France. Told me I was either coming with them or coming here. They deleted my phone, Facebook, everything. I told a guy I thought I loved him, that we would get back together, then I left. Didn’t even get to say goodbye.” Tears trickle down my cheeks. I brush them away quickly.

“That sucks. But you get to talk to the B guy?”

“Yeah. My parents, um, liked him.”

“I can relate.”

“How?”

“I got kicked out of here my freshman year. Parents sent me to military school. Same deal. No friends. No phone. No social media. Very strict. We all have to go to school somewhere. Trust me, there are worse places you could be than here.”

“Did military school suck?”

“For the most part, yes. At least there are girls here.”

“What did you do to get kicked out?”

“Let’s just say I was being pretty reckless and deserved it.”

“Are you still reckless?”

He laughs. “Hell, yeah. Military school is supposed to strip the life out of you. I didn’t let it. You can’t let it. And don’t worry. I’m sure you won’t have any trouble finding a guy here.”

“I already found a guy here. I’ve never felt such an instant connection with anyone ever before.”

“You like Aiden a lot, huh?”

“Yeah. He, like, speaks to my soul. He makes me feel nervous and tongue-tied and I want to run away from him because it scares me. But he’s, like, magnetic. He has this pull on me.”

“Maybe you’re just horny,” he laughs.

“It hasn’t been that long.”

“Oh, do tell.”

“There’s nothing to tell. Even though we broke up, I slept with B my last night at home. It was breakup sex or goodbye sex. But now when he texts me he acts like it was makeup sex.”

“So you need to get over him and the other guy before you can be with Aiden? Is that what you’re thinking?”

“I’m thinking I can’t like Aiden at all.”

I don’t tell him that I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall in love here.

Or that I forget that promise every time Aiden is near me.

“I should suggest we have some revenge sex, but I can’t even bring myself to hit on you. You look pathetic.”

“I don’t want to be hit on, Riley.”

“I know. But the good news for me is that you’re not wearing a bra.”

“Is there any good news for me?”

“Yeah. At least your parents didn’t send you to military school.”

“Maybe they should have. I could do nothing but study and get buff.”

He nods his head, agreeing with me. “That was the one good thing. Wanna see?”

“See what?”

“How buff I am.”

“Only because I know you’re dying to show me.”

“Maybe it will sway you. Make you change your mind about us just being friends. It’s important before we go too far down the friendship path that I know how much willpower you really have.” He pulls his shirt off over his head and shows me a lean, buff, and tan chest. He doesn’t quite have a six-pack yet; more like an adorable four pack. “So what do you think?”

“I’d say military school does a body good.”

He smiles.

Then he raises his eyebrows and says, “Okay, so now it’s your turn.”

“My turn for what?”

“To take your shirt off.”

I laugh at him. “You’re incorrigible.”

“It’s a gift. And, more importantly, I made you laugh.”

The paths you choose.

1:30 pm

Katie was really nervous about getting to dance on time. About fitting into her uniform. About dancing at the scrimmage when we only know one routine. I tell her to go ahead and I’ll meet her later, knowing I need to call Garrett.