Less Than Zero

“Oh, that is not true. Who told you that?” Alana wants to know.



I realize for an instant that I might have slept with Didi Hellman. I also realize that I might have slept with Warren also. I don’t say anything. They probably already know.



“Didi did,” says Blair. “Didn’t she tell you that?”



“No,” Kim says. “She didn’t.”



“Me either,” Alana says.



“Well, she told me,” Blair says.



“Oh, what does she know? She lives in Calabasas for God’s sakes,” Alana moans.



Blair thinks about it for a moment and then says slowly, evenly, “If Cliff slept with Didi, then he must have slept with … Raoul.”



“Who’s Raoul?” Alana and Kim ask at the same time.



I open my menu and pretend to read it, wondering if I slept with Raoul. Name seems familiar.



“Didi’s other boyfriend. She was always getting into these disgusting threesomes. They were ridiculous,” Blair says, closing her menu.



“Didi is ridiculous,” says Alana.



“Raoul is black, isn’t he?” Kim asks after a while.



I haven’t slept with Raoul.



“Yeah. Why?”



“Because I think I met him at a backstage party at The Roxy once.”



“I thought he O.D.’d.”



“No, no. He’s really cute. He’s like the best-looking black guy I think I’ve ever seen,” Blair says.



Alana and Kim nod in agreement. I close my menu.



“But isn’t he g*y though?” Kim asks, looking concerned.



“Who? Cliff?” Blair asks.



“No. Raoul.”



“He’s bi. Bi,” Blair says, and then, not too sure, “I think.”



“I don’t think he ever slept with Didi,” says Alana.



“Well, I really don’t either,” Blair says.



“Then why did she go out with him?”



“She thought it was chic to have a black boyfriend,” Blair says, by now bored with the subject.



“What a sleaze,” Alana says, shivering in mock disgust.



The three of them stop talking and then Kim says, “I had no idea Cliff slept with Raoul.”



“Cliff has slept with everyone,” Alana says, and rolls her eyes up, and Kim and Blair laugh. Blair looks at me and I try to smile and then the waitress comes and takes our order.



As I predicted, Kim’s party is tonight. I follow Trent to the party. Trent’s wearing a tie when he comes to my house and he tells me to wear one and so I put a red one on. When we stop at Santo Pietro’s to get something to eat before the party, Trent catches his reflection in one of the windows and grimaces and takes his tie off and tells me to take mine off, which is just as well since no one at the party is wearing one.



At the house in Holmby Hills I talk to a lot of people who tell me about shopping for suits at Fred Segal and buying tickets for concerts and I hear Trent telling everyone about how much fun he’s having at the fraternity he joined at U.C.L.A. I also talk to Pierce, some friend from high school, and apologize for not calling him when I got in and he tells me that it doesn’t matter and that I look pale and that someone stole the new BMW his father bought him as a graduation present. Julian is at the party and he doesn’t look as f**ked up as Alana said: still tan, hair still blond and short, maybe a little too thin, but otherwise looks good. Julian tells Trent that he’s sorry he missed him at Carney’s the other night and that he’s been really busy and I’m standing next to Trent, who has just finished his third gin and tonic, and hear him say, “That’s just really f**king irresponsible of you,” and I turn away, wondering if I should ask Julian what he wanted when he called and left the message, but when our eyes meet and we’re about to say hello, he looks away and walks into the living room. Blair dances over to me, singing the words to “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” probably stoned out of her mind, and she says that I look happy and that I look good and she hands me a box from Jerry Magnin and whispers “Merry Christmas, you fox,” in my ear, and kisses me.



I open the box. It’s a scarf. I thank her and tell her that it’s really nice. She tells me to put it on and see if it fits and I tell her that scarves usually fit all people. But she insists and I put the scarf on and she smiles and murmurs “Perfect” and goes back to the bar to get a drink. I stand alone with the scarf wrapped around my neck in the corner of the living room and then spot Rip, my dealer, and am totally relieved.