Love and Lists

He blinks at me in shock and then charges. Squealing, I throw the ketchup bottle to the ground and turn to run, but my foot slides right through a ketchup/A-1 mixture and I slip across the floor, landing right on my ass. Gavin jumps over me and opens the fridge, quickly turning around and dumping a jar of black olives and all the juice on top of my head.

“Eeew, eew, eew! Black olives are disgusting!” I screech.

“Yeah, how do you like it now, bitch!”

I stop screaming and glare up at him.

“Oops, my bad. Please don’t kill me,” he pleads.

“Gavin, you seriously need to get your mailing address changed. I’m getting tired of bringing over your—”

Uncle Carter stops at the doorway to the kitchen and looks back and forth between the two of us. I quickly pull the chef coat closed and avoid looking at him while I button it back up.

“Hey, Dad. So, what’s new?” Gavin asks casually as he leans against the fridge.

Reaching over, I smack him in the leg and hold my hand out to him with an angry glare. He quickly grabs my hand and pulls me up off of the floor, moving me behind him so I’m not standing in front of his father, half-naked and covered in black olive juice.

“Well, at least you’re not naked with Tyler again,” Uncle Carter says with a sigh.

Gavin looks at me and whispers. “Don’t ask.”

Uncle Carter turns and walks out of the kitchen.

“Follow me,” he shouts back to us.

Gavin and I stare at each other for a few minutes before he shrugs and grabs my hand, pulling me into the living room behind his dad. We find him sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped. I’m not going to lie, I’m a little freaked out right now. Uncle Carter is usually never this quiet. Is he going to yell at us? Be disappointed that we’re kind of sort of together and haven’t told the family?

“I was really afraid of this happening,” Uncle Carter finally says with a sigh as we stand in front of him with our heads bowed like two kids at the principal’s office.

Oh my God, here it comes. He’s going to tell us what a bad idea it is for us to be together. He knows Gavin doesn’t love me and that it’s only going to end in disaster.

Uncle Carter raises his head and looks back and forth between the two of us. “Be honest with me here. How long has this been going on?”

My heart is racing a mile a minute and I kind of want to cry. I can’t believe this is happening.

“Um, like a week? Or something,” Gavin mumbles.

“A week. Okay. Okay, we can fix this. That’s not enough for any long-term damage,” Uncle Carter says reassuringly.

Except I am NOT reassured. I am not reassured at all. What kind of long-term damage is he talking about? It’s official. I’m going to have to marry my fake, g*y boyfriend and spend the rest of my life never having awesome sex with the man I love ever again.

“I don’t think we’ll need hypnosis. Maybe just some mind-altering drugs. I wonder if acid would work. I’ve never done acid. It should be perfectly safe in small doses,” Uncle Carter tells us.

“Dad, what the f**k are you talking about? I love Charlotte. We’re not taking acid and nothing needs to be fixed,” Gavin argues.

Wait, what the f**k?!

“I know you love her. Love has nothing to do with this,” Uncle Carter complains.

I say again, THE FUCK?!

“Love has everything to do with it!” Gavin shouts.

“Gavin, I don’t think you understand the seriousness of this situation. Look at the two of you. You’re so young. It’s not a path you want to go down.”

“Dad, are you high right now? Seriously. Has Tyler been to your house? Did you eat any little pieces of chocolate he might have left behind?” Gavin demands.

“Gavin, listen to me. Whatever Uncle Drew and Aunt Jenny have taught you, there’s still time for you to unlearn it. There’s still hope for both of you to live normal, happy lives,” Uncle Carter pleads.

“Dad, you are talking out of your ass right now. We are already living normal, happy lives.” Gavin wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close to him. A black olive covered in ketchup drops out of my hair and lands on the ground by my feet with a splat.

Uncle Carter looks back and forth at us. “But you’re covered in food. First it’s food, then it’s Skittles and a trip to the emergency room, and the next thing you know, you’re out on the streets begging strangers for honey and jumper cables. JUST SAY NO to weird sex, GAVIN!”

Gavin starts to laugh and I probably would too if I wasn’t in complete and utter shock at the words that came out of his mouth a few seconds ago.

“Dad, we have not been taking sex lessons from Uncle Drew and Aunt Jenny. Don’t worry,” Gavin reassures him.

Uncle Carter gets up from the couch and rushes toward us, wrapping his arms around both of us and squeezing us to him. Just as quickly, he lets go of us and backs away toward the door.

“Well, alrighty then. You two kids have a nice evening.”

Chapter 19 – I Wanna Get the Craps

It’s Halloween and my favorite holiday of the year. I should be a little more excited right now, but I’m not. Gavin and I still haven’t discussed the bomb he dropped on me last week. Well, I haven’t discussed it. I’ve done everything I can to avoid talking about it, including taking advice from Aunt Jenny.

“If you ever want to distract a guy from talking about something serious, just mention your period. It works every time. When Uncle Drew asks me if his butt looks big in a pair of jeans, I just tell him I’ve got cramps and he runs away screaming.”