Love Me
As he walks away, I look up at the moon and can’t help but wonder if he’s looking at it too.
Aiden startles me. “So now you’re kissing Jake too?”
“What? Oh, no. We were practicing for the play. If you saw us kiss, you must have seen him propose.”
“I did. Just didn’t love the kiss.”
I hang my head. “He says since I broke up with Dawson, I’m not as believable. That it’s like I don’t believe in love anymore.”
Aiden cocks his head. “Do you?”
I look back at the moon. “I want to.”
Pressley helps me get Embry cleaned up and they both quickly fall asleep on the floor.
I think about what Jake said about not letting my real life get in the way of my dreams.
I think about Vincent.
About how he’s keeping me away from my family. Away from my life.
As I stare at the stars glowing on my ceiling, Aiden’s quote pops into my head.
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”
The heart has its reasons.
Does my heart have reasons?
And, if so, how can I reason with my heart?
Or is that the point?
Reason and thinking shouldn’t play a part in what your heart feels?
But how can it not? We have to protect ourselves. Protect our hearts.
Don’t we?
Isn’t that what Mom told me? Don’t give away your heart easily.
Although, in that case, I think she was referring to my body more than my heart.
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”
So, reason can’t be a part of love.
You just have to feel it.
Like Jake made me do tonight.
I think.
Sunday, October 23rd
A target date.
7:30am
Annie barges into our room, deftly leaps over the still-sleeping girls, and jumps on my bed. “I need to talk to you.”
“You’re really nervous about your parent’s party today, aren’t you?”
“I was, but now I’m kind of freaking out about something else.”
“What?”
“We set a target date.”
“A target date?”
“The date we’re going to have sex.”
“Oh.”
“Oh, gosh. That doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t. Did he say that?”
“No! I just mean we decided the day that we’re going to do it. It’ll be after Winter Formal. We’ll be all dressed up. We’ll dance all night. Go to a hotel.”
“When is Winter Formal?”
“It’s in December.”
“So are you freaking out because that’s too soon?”
She clasps her hands together and confesses, “Fine. Last night, we almost did it. Like it was right there. He had a condom. I told him I wanted to.” She unclasps her hands and covers her face. “He said no!”
“He did?”
“Yes. And I started crying. Like, I bawled.”
“What did he do?”
“He got dressed, said he was sorry, gave me an awkward hug, and left. It was so embarrassing. And now I’m supposed to take him home with me!?”
“Has he texted you or anything?”
“No!” She starts crying. “We talk about our future all the time. We’ve named our children. Decided on our careers. Planned out college.”
“What was the situation?”
“What do you mean? We were in my room, basically naked. I still can’t believe I’ve even let him see me naked. Well, in-the-dark naked.”
“Do you think that’s why he said no?”
“Because the lights weren’t on?”
“No, silly. You’ve been telling him that you want to wait. Maybe he wanted to mess around but not do it. Maybe the fact that you wanted to do it surprised him and he was afraid you’d regret it.”
“It was that damn Gods of Olympus costume. He looked so hot all day.”
Her phone buzzes in her hand. She drops it on the bed and closes her eyes. “You look.”
I read his text to her.
Ace