Manic

"When you'd talk about that? He never said anything to me."

I shrug. "I talked to him last night after you hung up on me."

She reaches out and pokes me in the arm with her fingernail. "You were checking up on me."

"Of course I was. That's my job."

She tilts her head and gives me a dirty look.

"It's not weird, Rook. It's normal. That's what boyfriends do for their girlfriends. This fear you have is unreasonable, ya know."

"I know," she pouts. "But I can't help it. When you say stuff like that it scares me. It feels invasive."

I lie back down and pull her close. The bike ride can wait. "It's not, though. It's normal."

"I don't like people talking about me, it bugs me." She stops and turns her head to look me in the eye. "It really bugs me."

"Well, you're not gonna be able to avoid it, Rook. Your face and body will be all over the world soon. You're in a reality show, you're on book covers in Japan, and a half a million people are gonna be talking all about you at the rally."

She wrinkles her nose at this.

"So I think it's OK if I ask Spencer what's going on. I'm still not sure what to think about what you said last night, about being turned on. I mean, I get it. I've been there. I get turned on too. But I've never had to talk about it with a girlfriend because the only other model I dated who was working with us at the time was Mardee. And I already told you, I was not all that nice to her. I never got jealous over her jobs."

Rook leans over and kisses me softly on the lips. "Sorry," she whispers into my mouth. "I just wanted to be honest. I just wanted you to tell me what it means. I want you, Ronin. Not Spencer. Not Billy. You."

"Yeah, well, I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not sure what it means."

"See, that's why Billy was so helpful. He told me it means nothing." She throws her hands out a little to illustrate her point. "He said he's always turned on, that's what Antoine wants and expects. But that it's meaningless. Even when he sleeps with the girl after, he says. It's meaningless."

"Huh." Billy's a f**king whore. The absolute last guy I want giving my girlfriend advice on what is and isn't normal in an erotic photo shoot. "You wanna do the bike ride?"

"Yeah, it sounds fun. Besides, I think I need to get out of this place for a while. I never go anywhere. I might need to buy a car."

"Why?"

She shoots me a dirty look.

"No, I mean, why buy one? I have two cars I never use. Just take one when you need it." Her silence tells me she's got a problem with this. "Rook, I swear, if you say something stupid like I need my own car so you can't control me, I'll handcuff you to the bed and show you what domination really looks like."

Her whole face screws up in disgust. "Don't joke. You know that's never gonna happen, right?"

"Yeah, I figured. But that doesn't mean I can't picture you like that. Your bottom bright pink from being spanked." She blushes and I am immediately hard. "Sounds fun, doesn't it?"

She doesn't answer that either way.

Progress.

Chapter Twenty - ROOK

The evening with Ronin passes much too quickly. And he was right, as usual. Lookout Mountain has an amazing view of Denver. It's not even that far away, it barely took us thirty minutes to get to the freeway exit, but the winding road that climbs up the side of the mountain—foothill, Ronin corrects me, he scoffs at me when I call these rolling hills mountains—takes a whole lot longer. But I don't mind. I enjoy the vibrations of the bike beneath me. I press my helmet up against Ronin's leather jacket and gaze out at my new hometown as dusk takes over.

By the time we get to a little pull-out along the road, it's almost dark and the city lights down below are twinkling.

Ronin and I both look the part tonight. Matching leather jackets, courtesy of the Chaput closet, faded jeans, and black biker boots. My hair is in braids to keep it under control, and Ronin has one of those WWII helmet knock-offs for protection, but I'm wearing a proper one with the full face guard.

When I'm no longer pressed hard against Ronin's heat, I notice the chill. It's almost always pleasant down in Denver at night, but we're a couple thousand feet higher now, so the temperature dips as soon as the sun disappears over the peaks.

We don't stay long. I know enough about bikes to understand what a ride is and what it isn't. It's not a way to get somewhere, it's about enjoying the journey.

It's fitting for me, really. The journey is the only thing that counts because once you reach your destination, there's always somewhere else to go. Another journey to take.

Life is like that too.

I took a journey when I left Chicago. I struggled with homelessness and hunger. I feared for my safety and eventually, that journey ended with Antoine, Elise, and Ronin.

And now I'm on a new journey. I'm not sure where I'm going just yet. Maybe college. Maybe somewhere else.

Maybe a family with Ronin—someday.

I know that's what Ronin wants, he's not kept it a secret about how much he wants a family. And I'm starting to think about what that means for me and what I might have to do to get it. I'm not on board yet, so I don't ponder it too seriously. But I watched Antoine and Elise when we were up at Granby Lake and it's nice what they have. They know each other so well and they're still very much in love.