Manic

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He shakes his head and scoots my whole body forward so my pelvis is pressing right up against him. But it's what I don't feel that surprises me. He's not excited. "What's wrong, Ronin?"

"Nothing's wrong." He takes his nibbles down my neck and then over to my ear, breathing a soft breath against the tender skin, and sends a chill through my whole body. His hands circle my waist and then he whispers, "Lean back, Gidge."

I do as he asks. His strong hands keep my lower body firm against his groin while my upper body lowers down onto the tank. I'm an arch, the blue ni**les pointing straight up. Then Ronin's mouth is all over my stomach, licking and nipping the skin on my belly, teasing me and sending little chilly flutters shooting up my arms.

One hand moves away from my waist and he slides one finger up my ribcage, tracing the bones one at a time in such a way that I actually squirm away and giggle at the tickle. The other hand moves away from my waist now too, only this one slides up my stomach and grabs my breast just as the weight of his body lowers down on me.

Every time we shoot these erotic scenes together he surprises me because it's never, ever the same scenario twice.

And while the heady, lustful passionate shoots are fun and say I want to jump your bones right now, this one is soft and sexy in a very tender way that says I want you to be part of my life forever.

Chapter Thirty-One - RONIN

I'm not sure what possesses me to palm her throat like that in the shoot, but as soon as I do it, I'm ashamed. And then the last time we made love hits me hard. When I blindfolded her and wanted to assert more control.

She tried to tell me she wasn't into that crap but I pushed.

And now I'm so f**king ashamed.

I've been thinking about her relationship with that Jon f**ker since she told me he tried to drown her and it's taken a lot of self-control to keep it tucked away. As soon as Antoine dismisses us I take her hand and lead her upstairs to my apartment and walk her over to the shower.

"God, it's such a shame to wash this all off right now, don't you think, Ronin?"

She's worried about Spencer's artwork. It kills me how this girl forces herself to cope. "Yeah, but that's why we take the pictures. Spencer will always have the pictures."

She looks at me funny. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You're being weird."

I turn on the shower and start stripping. "What makes you say that?"

She looks down as I take off my pants. "Well, you're not excited to see me." She laughs a little at this. "And nothing we were doing out there was turning you on. Are you mad at me?"

I kick off my boxers and lean down to kiss her. "Absolutely not, I'm not mad. I'm just sorry about that choke move out there. And the whole blindfold and spanking thing we did last time. I'm not sure why you put up with me."

"Wait, what'd I miss? What choke move? And I sorta liked that spanking stuff."

I guide her into the shower and start washing off her paint. It's thick this time, her whole body is covered. I start with her back. "I'm just not comfortable with it, Gidge. Not after what he did to you for all those years."

"What're you talking about?"

"The rape. I'm surprised you can even tolerate me kissing you, let alone that dominant bullshit I tried to pull."

"Ronin, he didn't really rape me."

"No? So you gave him permission to have sex with you after all that violence?"

"Well, no, but I was his wife. And before that, I never told him no."

"Because you wanted to have sex with him?"

"No! Of course not. Even before he got violent I never wanted to sleep with him. I was a virgin."

I turn away to hide my anger but the words still come out. "He took your virginity by rape?"

"He didn't rape me, Ronin. I never told him no."

"Did you tell him yes?"

"Well no, but—"

"Rook, he raped you. Repeatedly, for several years. You're just so used to being mistreated you can't even comprehend what happened."

She stares at me, the water running down her face, streaking it with black and blue paint that slides down her body and swirls together in an inky pool of color at her feet.

"He raped you."

She shakes her head. "No."

I reach out and pull her close, hug her tightly. "Yes. That's what happened, Rook. And while I'm very proud of you for how well you've been dealing with the past, you need to know, in case it ever happens again, that if a man intimidates you into sex, that. Is. Rape."

She pulls back, squinting her eyes up at me as she tries to process my words. "I don't think I can talk about this."

I nod and pick up the sponge, then swipe it down her arm. She stands still as I wash her. Just thinking about what I said.

We meet Spencer and Ford for dinner, and even though they both keep up their ends of the conversation with some crude South Park talk, Rook is unable to hide her reaction to the facts that are suddenly becoming clear.

The doctors say the brain finds way to cope with stress and one of those ways, a very popular way actually, is denial.

This girl has been in denial for so long, she can barely process the truth.

When we go to bed that night she's quiet and clingy. I like her clingy because that just means I get to touch her more. But she's not snuggling, she's desperately holding on to me. She sighs against my chest and I sigh with her.