Memories of Ice

Lying in the box, unable to move, awaiting the lid. A body past usefulness, awaiting the darkness.



But there would be no end. Not for her. They were keeping it away. Playing out their own delusions of mercy and compassion. The Daru who fed her, the Rhivi woman who cleaned and bathed her and combed the wispy remnants of her hair. Gestures of malice. Playing out, over and over, scenes of torture.



The Rhivi woman sat above her now, steadily pulling the horn comb through the Mhybe's hair, humming a child's song. A woman the Mhybe remembered from her other life. Old, she had seemed back then, a hapless woman who had been kicked in the head by a bhederin and so lived in a simple world.



I'd thought it simple. But that was just one more illusion. No, she lives amidst unknowns, amidst things she cannot comprehend. It is a world of terror. She sings to fend off the fear born of her own ignorance. Given tasks to keep her busy.



Before I had come along for her, this woman had helped prepare corpses. After all, the spirits worked through such childlike adults. Through her, the spirits could come close to the fallen, and so comfort them and guide them into the world of the ancestors.



It could be nothing other than malice, the Mhybe concluded, to have set this woman upon her. Possibly, she was not even aware that the subject of her attentions was still alive. The woman met no-one's eyes, ever. Recognition had fled with the kick of a bhederin's hoof.



The comb dragged back and forth, back and forth. The humming continued its ceaseless round.



Spirits below, I would rather even your terror of the unknown. Rather that, than the knowledge of my daughter's betrayal — the wolves she has set upon me, to pursue me in my dreams. The wolves, which are her hunger. The hunger, which has already devoured my youth and now seeks yet more. As if anything's left. Am I to be naught but food for my daughter's burgeoning life? A final meal, a mother reduced to nothing more than sustenance?



Ah, Silverfox, are you every daughter? Am I every mother? There have been no rituals severing our lives — we have forgotten the meaning behind the Rhivi ways, the true reasons for those rituals. I ever yield. And you suckle in ceaseless demand. And so we are trapped, pulled deeper and deeper, you and I.



To carry a child is to age in one's bones. To weary one's blood. To stretch skin and flesh. Birthing splits a woman in two, the division a thing of raw agony. Splitting young from old. And the child needs, and the mother gives.



I have never weaned you, Silverfox. Indeed, you have never left my womb. You, daughter, draw far more than just milk.



Spirits, please, grant me surcease. This cruel parody of motherhood is too much to bear. Sever me from my daughter. For her sake. My milk is become poison. I can feed naught but spite, for there is nothing else within me. And I remain a young woman in this aged body -



The comb caught on a snarl, tugging her head back. The Mhybe hissed in pain, shot a glare up at the woman above her. Her heart suddenly lurched.



Their gazes were locked.



The woman, who looked at no-one, was looking at her.



I, a young woman in an old woman's body. She, a child in a woman's body -



Two prisons, in perfect reflection.



Eyes locked.



'Dear lass, you look weary. Settle here with magnanimous Kruppe and he will pour you some of this steaming herbal brew.'



'I will, thank you.'



Kruppe smiled, watching Silverfox slowly lower herself onto the ground and lean back against the spare saddle, the small hearth between them. The well-rounded curves of the woman were visible through the worn deer-leather tunic. 'So where are your friends?' she asked.



'Gambling. With the crew of the Trygalle Trade Guild. Kruppe, for some odd reason, has been barred from such games. An outrage.' The Daru handed her a tin cup. 'Mostly sage, alas. If you've a cough-'



'I haven't, but it's welcome anyway.'



'Kruppe, of course, never coughs.'



'And why is that?'



'Why, because he drinks sage tea.'



Her brown eyes slipped past his and settled on the wagon a dozen paces away. 'How does she fare?'



Kruppe's brows lifted. 'You might ask her, lass.'



'I can't. I can be nothing other than an abomination for my mother — her stolen youth, in the flesh. She despises me, with good reason, especially now that Korlat's told her about my T'lan Ay.'



'Kruppe wonders, do you now doubt the journey undertaken?'



Silverfox shook her head, sipped at the tea. 'It's too late for that. The problem persists — as you well know. Besides, our journey is done. Only hers remains.'



'You dissemble,' Kruppe murmured. 'Your journey is anything but done, Silverfox. But let us leave that subject for the moment, yes? Have you gleaned news of the dreadful battle?'