Mini Shopaholic

‘I bet they don’t.’ He eyes me nastily. ‘Not to their mugs of husbands, they don’t. Is this “Who can fleece their man the most”?’

I’m so outraged, I can’t help gasping.

‘Most of my clients have their own incomes, actually,’ I reply, forcing myself to stay polite. ‘And I think it’s up to them how they spend their money, don’t you? I believe Ariane’s furniture business is going very well at the moment.’

I can’t help a little dig. I know he’s threatened by her success. She says it every time she comes in. And then she says she’s going to leave him. And then by the end of the session she’s crying and saying she loves him really.

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, any time. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

‘Ariane!’ He starts pushing past me.

‘Stop!’ I grab his arm, absolutely furious. ‘I told you, only clients are permitted in the—’

‘Get out of my way!’ He throws my arm aside as if I’m a doll.

OK. Now this is a matter of principle. No one comes and barges past me, into my department.

‘No! You’re not going in!’ I grab his shoulders, but he’s too strong. ‘Jasmine!’ I yell as I grapple with him. ‘Lead all the customers to safety!’

‘You bloody well let me in!’

‘This is a private shopping area.’ I’m panting with the effort of restraining him.

‘What on earth is going on?’

A deep voice booms right behind me, and I relinquish my grasp. I swivel around, already knowing it’s Trevor. Gavin is lurking behind him, face gleaming as though he’s watching some kind of floor show. Trevor meets my eyes with a grim ‘There’d better be a very good reason for this’ look, and I shrug defensively back, trying to convey ‘Yes, there is.’

As Trevor turns to Mr Raynor, his expression suddenly changes to one of awe. ‘My goodness! Is it … Doug Raynor?’

Trust him to know some ancient old rocker that no one else has even heard of.

‘Yeah.’ Doug Raynor preens himself. ‘That’s me.’

‘Mr Raynor, we’re extremely honoured to see you here at The Look.’ Trevor launches into full obsequious-manager mode. ‘We’re all huge fans. If there’s anything I can do to help you …’

‘There is, as it happens.’ Doug Raynor cuts him off. ‘You can tell me what this is all about. You might call it discreet shopping; I call it downright lying.’ He slaps the leaflet down on the reception counter. ‘And I’m calling the Daily World tomorrow. Exposing the bloody lot of you.’

‘What’s this?’ says Trevor, looking puzzled. ‘ “Shop in Private”? Do I know about this?’

‘It’s … um …’ My mouth suddenly feels like cotton wool. ‘I was going to mention it …’

I can feel blood filling my face as Trevor reads the leaflet in silence. When at last he looks up, his eyes are like two black holes of disapproval.

No. Worse than disapproval. He looks like he wants to murder me. Gavin is reading it over his shoulder now.

‘You pretend to be cleaning ladies?’ He gives a sudden snort of laughter. ‘Jesus Christ, Becky!’

‘You think this is a responsible way to carry on?’ Doug Raynor chimes in furiously. ‘You think this is the way a top department store should be acting? It’s criminal deception, that’s what it is!’

‘Gavin.’ Trevor snaps into full damage-limitation action. ‘Be so kind as to take Mr Raynor to menswear and offer him a new suit, with our compliments. Mr Raynor, perhaps I can offer you a glass of champagne at the oyster bar when you’ve finished shopping, and you can express any concerns you have directly to me?’

‘Yeah. And you’ll be getting an earful from me, I can tell you.’ Doug Raynor is obviously torn between staying and shouting some more and getting a free suit – but at last allows himself to be led away by Gavin. Jasmine has vanished back into the dressing rooms, too.

It’s just me and Trevor and an ominous hush.

‘You … you said you wanted to know the secret of our success …’ I falter. ‘Well, this is it.’

Trevor says nothing, but reads the leaflet through again, his fingers gripping the paper hard. The longer he’s silent, the less certain I feel. Obviously he’s angry … but might he not be a bit impressed too? Might he say this is the kind of risk-taking chutzpah we need in retail? Might he say that this reminds him of the kind of crazy stunt he pulled when he was just starting out and how would I like to be his special protégée?