Mini Shopaholic

‘Yes!’ I clear my throat. ‘Good girl, Minnie! Now eat the rest for Kyla …’

I hastily head across the kitchen and start making some coffee. Behind me I can hear Kyla, determinedly upbeat.

‘C’mon, Minnie! Lovely carrots. You ate two already, so let’s see how fast you can eat the rest of them!’

‘Noooooo!’ Minnie yells at her, and I turn to see her batting the fork away. ‘Nooooo ca-rrot!’

Oh God. She’s going to start hurling all the carrots across the room in a minute.

‘Actually, Kyla,’ I say quickly, ‘could you be a real star and take some shopping upstairs for me? All the bags in the hall. And I’ll supervise Minnie.’

‘Sure.’ Kyla wipes her brow. ‘No problem.’

The minute she’s gone, I hurry to Minnie’s high chair and start cramming all the carrots into my mouth. For God’s sake, why did she have to cook so many of the bloody things? I can barely get my mouth closed around them, let alone chew them—

‘Becky?’ I freeze in dismay as I hear Kyla’s voice behind me. ‘Your mom said to bring these bags into the kitchen, is that OK?’

I don’t know what to do. My cheeks are bulging with carrots.

OK, it’s fine. I’m facing away. She can’t see my mouth.

‘Mm-hmm,’ I manage, indistinctly.

‘Oh my gosh! Did she eat all the carrots?’ Kyla drops the shopping bags. ‘But that’s so quick! What happened? Did she just start wolfing them down?’

‘Mm-hmm.’ Keeping my head averted, I give what I hope is an expressive shrug.

Now Kyla’s coming over to the high chair. Hastily I back away till I’m at the window, facing away. God, this is hideous. My jaw is starting to ache from holding in all the carrots, and my face is growing hot with the effort. I risk a quick chew, then another—

‘No way.’ Kyla’s voice comes out of nowhere. Shit! She’s about two feet away, staring at my face. How did she creep round there without me noticing? I sneak a quick glance at my reflection in the stainless-steel fridge.

Oh God. The end of a carrot is poking out of my mouth.

For a moment Kyla and I just stare at each other. I don’t quite dare push it back into my mouth.

‘Minnie didn’t eat any carrots, did she?’ says Kyla, politely but with an edge.

I stare back desperately. If I speak, will carrots fall on the floor?

‘I may have helped her out,’ I say indistinctly at last. ‘A little.’

I can see Kyla looking from me to Minnie and back again with increasing incredulity.

‘I’m getting the feeling she didn’t write a poem either, did she?’ she says, and now there’s definite sarcasm in her voice. ‘Mrs Brandon, if I’m going to work effectively with a family, I need full and candid lines of communication. I need honesty. And there’s obviously not much chance of that here. Sorry, Minnie. I hope you find a carer who works out for you.’

‘You can’t just leave—’ I begin in dismayed, muffled tones, and three carrots fall out of my mouth on to the floor.

Damn.

From: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Tiny favour

Date: 8 February 2006

To: Becky Brandon

Dear Mrs Brandon

Thank you for your phone message. We’re sorry that things did not work out for you with Kyla.

Unfortunately, we are not able to issue Post-its to all our staff as you suggest, so that if your husband rings up, ‘the story is that Kyla broke her leg’. Regarding an instant replacement ‘who looks like Kyla’, I’m afraid this will not be possible either.

Perhaps you could telephone me if you wish to discuss this matter further.

With kind wishes

Cathy Ferris

Director, Ultimate Nannies

OXSHOTTMARKETPLACE.COM

The official website for people in the Oxshott area who

want to barter.

‘It’s fun, it’s free, it’s for everybody!!!’

GENERAL ITEMS

Ref10057

Wanted: big marquee for two hundred people (one night’s hire)

Offered: Two Marc Jacobs handbags, really cool, v.g. condition

Barterer: BeckyB

Click for more details including photos

Ref10058

Wanted: dance-floor which lights up (one night’s hire)

Offered: 20 assorted gift sets never used: Clarins, Lancôme, Estée Lauder, etc.

Barterer: BeckyB

Click for more details including photos

Ref10059

Wanted: organic hemp sleeping bag and tent

Offered: 16 bottles home-made peach wine

Barterer: JessWebster