Mini Shopaholic

‘Rebecca,’ says Nanny Sue pleasantly, ‘if you do have errands to do, please don’t feel constrained by me. I’m very happy to go to the shops, or do whatever you would normally do.’

‘This is it!’ I try to sound natural. ‘This is our normal routine! Educational play! Have a snack, darling,’ I add to Minnie, and produce a spelt biscuit which I got from the health-food shop. She looks at it dubiously, licks it, then chucks it on the floor and yells, ‘Muffin! Muffin STARBUCKS!’

My face flames red.

‘Starbucks is … the name of our friend’s cat,’ I improvise desperately. ‘And Muffin is the other cat. Minnie’s such an animal-lover, aren’t you, darling?’

‘Have you seen the great white elephant?’ Pete’s voice comes cheerily from the front. ‘They’ve opened it at last!’

We’ve arrived at the junction where the road joins the dual carriageway, and are sitting in a line of traffic. Suddenly I see what Pete’s pointing at. It’s a massive black and white hoarding, reading:

HEATHFIELD VILLAGE!

NEW LUXURY OUTLET MALL OPENS TODAY!

Wow. They’ve been talking about opening that place for ages. My eyes slide further down the hoarding.

SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFERS TODAY!

FREE GIFT FOR EACH CUSTOMER!

NEXT EXIT!

Free gift for each customer?

I mean, it’s probably nothing to get excited about. It’ll be a tiny scented candle or one single chocolate or something. And the place is probably nothing much either. Anyway, I’m not even interested in some new shopping mall, because we haven’t come out to go shopping, have we? We’ve come out to do educational, bonding things.

‘Look at the clouds,’ I say to Minnie, and point out of the opposite window self-consciously. ‘Do you know how clouds are made, darling? It’s with … er … water.’

Do I mean water vapour? Or steam?

‘Burberry,’ says Pete with interest. ‘Now, that’s good-quality stuff. My son-in-law, he gets all the fakes from Hong Kong, and he says—’

Burberry? My head jerks round and I see another massive hoarding – this time listing all the designers in the outlet.

Burberry. Matthew Williamson. Dolce & Gabbana. Oh my God.

Anya Hindmarch. Temperley Vivienne Westwood? All at discount prices? Yards away?

The taxi edges forward again and I feel a pull of alarm. We’ll be past the exit in a minute. It’ll be too late.

OK, let’s just think this through properly. Let’s be rational. I know we’re supposed to be going to Leatherhead and bouncing around a ball-pit. But the thing is … Nanny Sue said she didn’t mind if we went shopping. She actually said it.

Not that I’d buy anything for myself. Obviously. I’m keeping my promise. But this is a brand-new, state-of-the-art discount shopping centre with free gifts. We can’t just drive past. It’s … it’s … wrong. It’s ungrateful. It’s against the laws of nature. And I’m allowed to buy things for Minnie, aren’t I? It’s part of the duties of a mother to keep your child clothed.

I glance at the list again. Petit Bateau. Ralph Lauren Girls and Boys. Funky Kid. Baby in Urbe. I feel a bit breathless. This is a no-brainer.

‘You know, I’ve just remembered, I do need to get Minnie some new socks.’ I try to sound off-hand. ‘So we could pop into this new mall instead of the softplay Just an idea. What do you think?’

‘It’s up to you.’ Nanny Sue lifts her hands. ‘Entirely’

‘So, um, Pete, could you take us to the outlet mall instead?’ I raise my voice. ‘Thanks so much!’

‘Better clear my boot then, hadn’t I?’ He turns and flashes a grin at me. ‘Ready for all the bags.’

I smile weakly back. I’ll tell Nanny Sue later that he has a really quirky sense of humour.

‘Are you fond of shopping then, Rebecca?’ says Nanny Sue pleasantly.

I pause as though trying to think this over.

‘Not fond,’ I say eventually. ‘I wouldn’t say fond. I mean, it’s got to be done, hasn’t it? Keeping the store cupboard full.’ I shrug ruefully. ‘It’s a necessary chore for any responsible mother.’

We pull up at the main entrance, which has massive glass doors leading into a huge airy atrium. There are palm trees and a water feature crashing down a steel wall and as we enter I can already see Valentino and Jimmy Choo glinting at me in the distance. The air is filled with the smell of cinnamon pastries and cappuccino machines firing up, mingled with expensive leather and designer scents and just … newness.